All Comments on 'The Beaten Trail'

I'm sure you're a sexy thing/thang/thong, but you should have paid more attention during English lessons. Now's your chance to start anew, with an erotic motivator, perhaps? "shorts that barley cover my bum" - that would be barely, not grass-seed? "wrapped my bear arms" - that would be bare arms, not some Ursus arctos or Grizzly Bear? And do discover the comma, do.

First, misspellings and misused words; second, omitted words; third, slamming back and forth between present and past tenses; fourth, punctuation that is at best haphazard; fifth... well, you get the idea.

Editor. Please. That, or quit writing.

"You take your dick and slowly place it inside of me.

You move slowly till you reach my bearer. You give me a sad smile as you force your dick through my bearer. "

I take it that by "bearer" you mean "hymen" - which is misplaced rather greviously. Oh, well

As this story is your initial "start"...at writing an erotic tale...you should not take criticism too much to heart...but do correct grammar, etc....so that your next effort won't fail... (:<)} 4/15

Thanks for the comments. sorry for the MANY errors. I suck at grammer and will improve as time passes. But for now you will have to deal with it. Sorry again, i was also in a hurry to publish my first story.

Thanks again, haydonslife