All Comments on 'The Difference Between Homeless and Helpless'

NOW THAT WAS A EERIE BUT GOOD..VERY GOOD TALE..I LIKED IT..I THINK IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD FOR HER TO HAVE COLLECTED THAT REWARD MONEY BUT U DID RIGHT SHE HAD REWARD ENOUGH FOR HER TO BE HAPPY FROM JUST TAKING HIS MONEY..I LOOK FORWARD TO READING MORE OF YOUR SUBMISSIONS..THANKS

Yeah Mikey,

That's a damn good story you have here. There were a few minor mistakes but nothing glaring enough to put me off reading.

Good job.

This story is a little close to real life for a lot of people, I think. But I don't see that as a bad thing in this case.

JJ

Wow indeed. Fantastic story and very - real.

You have an excellent and quite original concept and you write well.

My main suggestion would be to find ways to "show, not tell" or to rely on interior monologues instead of using quite so much narration to reveal key plot elements.

There were also a couple minor errors (e.g. a t-shirt that morphs into a blouse)and a couple typos. They're trivial, but they can diminish a reader's crucial "suspension of disbelief."

In most cases, I'd call STET on the story but this one is good enough to deserve being made even better. Perhaps you might consider treating it as a first draft, and then reworking some of the glitches? Your story is worth the additional time and effort.

I loved it so much as is. Great job! Loved the ending