by VixenVampiress
You need to sort out your punctuation, grammar, etc. You changed tense several times.
I also assume 'sent' should be 'scent', which wakes her up twice?
However there is promise there.
Though there are mistakes that the Anon person points out, I found the story to be intriguing and look forward to seeing more of it. I agree that getting the point of view and tense that fits best and sticking to it is important. I look forward to seeing the plot develop and to learning more about this vampire who sired her and the world he lives in and why he picked her.