by geronimo_appleby
You know, this story is mostly well written, the sex is hot <shiver> and the ending left me wanting to know what happens next to the characters, but oh dear... what a shame that the odd little mistake let the whole thing down. It also took me a bit of time to get into the story and I may not have perservered if I had not been so keen to read something by this author. If you ever consider re-working this story (and it would be worth it) then I'd recommend getting an editor in to clean up the grammar and vocab mistakes (eg - a bolster is a type of pillow, not a covering) and I would also do something to spice up the opening somehow. The gypsy is hot, perhaps you should lead with him? Just a little snippet to introduce him and make the reader eager to know how he and Victoria are going to get together... something like that.
Hope you don't mind the criticism, but I only bother with it on stories that appeal to me ;)
x
V
Your story is perfect! Has done me a lot of good - thanks Geronimo!
Vicky
very nice job. Your writing is superb! Hope you will write some more.
Fuck you. You are a piss-poor excuse for a writer and you must be a sick motherfucker. Now then, did you enjoy this anonymous comment? Before I forget, fuck you.