All Comments on 'The Hot List Ch. 01'

why post such a small part of any story? It should have been three times longer, or more. It isn't nice to tease and many will vote accordingly. Still, the start looked like fun.

I agree with HDK, it's far too short. It's a good start, but the motor sputtered out before it revved. If this is going to be a standard practice I might wait until all the short chapters are completed and posted before returning to read the entire story. For this reason I'm holding off rating this story.

I can't give the fragment of a story more than a two, regardless of the writing quality.

This was excellent, and Self-contained. It's not going to be a long drawn out saga of dozens of chapters. It's a Flash, to make out of it what you will, and improvise and think on the attitudes and actions of each of the participants.

Not everything in the world has to be explained to the level of the most mindless.

Cheers,

and take your seats for a flight of fancy

Kilroy.

and this will be very objective. TK U MLJ LV NV

But, it was too short for my appetite

For the story.

762 words, including the title and the author's name.

Too incomplete for a flash story. Good start if there is more to come. Let the next installment have a little more meat for us to digest.

. . . let's see where it goes. I've read similar but with much younger guys, high school or college. This is a first as far as giving us old farts some visionary respect.

Really, the set up at least has some good potential. It is laid back in the telling, but covers all of the bases. As I said at the start, let's see where it goes and how the story get us there.

Very interesting.

But could become trouble -

Too short, though!

Hot women at a Walmart. Haven't you ever heard of Walmart people?

Ha ha!

Where is this going? I have an idea, but I love this guy's writing, so I'll read on.

Having someone watch the wife???

Ok except poverty central. Target. Actually target does more business by square ft than Walmart. Buy American by Sam now buy Chinese junk

Not much of story so far.

Cute, on to Part 2.

Thanks for writing.

???

BJ

Now, how could this go wrong?

I remember rating the "swing sets for my back yard", too. Cost me a great friendship. Never rated aloud again!!

Gave it a 5, based on the premise and idea.

Interesting, it's not hard to fathom what comes next 5*