All Comments on 'The Intruder'

Yes we all know its fiction but dont overdue it so much. As a 10th degree the guy would have to be well over 50 and thats assuming he started as a small child.

...or maybe even a 100%.

It's just that your submission would've benefitted greatly had the sex scenes included more graphic imagery, especially the cumshot aka the moneymaker.

Your descriptions on the action sequence was on point! I loved it! I felt the emotive struggles your character endured.

You need to give yourself more credit as far as your writing skills are concerned...unless you were being modest in your bio.

If you're serious about submitting hot entries similar to the one you provided, add a pic or expand your stories to include more of the searing topics this forum has to offer.

You're very gifted. I hope to read more of your works.

Maybe a bit of anal, swallowing, threesomes, group fanfare or other respective, imaginative entries...

Well done!

Apart from that, very good. Great pace, nice use of language and you've realised the scene nicely. Asides from a few inconsistencies with spelling and grammar (you used both come and cum to describe orgasm, better to choose one form and stick to it) which were a little jarring it was not enough to detract from the story.

The highest compliment I can give, I would love to read this one again sometime and look at your other work.

As soon as she stuttered "Kevin"... I knew it was Kevin.