All Comments on 'The Lonely Girl Ch. 01'

Perhaps you might try writing from a male perspective. I understand that makes writing lesbian scenes difficult, but this is rather painful teenage male fantasy. There is not enough character development. It doesn't matter how 'lonely' a woman is, she's not going to roll over into something like this with some one she knows is a bitch without an earth shattering reason, if then.

I wish you luck and good writing in the future.

@ FA_JF - thank you for the feedback

I enjoyed this, especially as a beginning. I agree that there could have been more character developement and maybe progress things a little more slowly, but it was good. I would love to see Olivia start to develop feelings for Beth, in her own way (while still humiliating her of course), but even if that doesn't happen, it's got potential.

@Anonymous - thank you! I am in agreement with both of you I am lacking in character development with this work and yes it is a little unrealistic, but I only wrote it as a quick and dirty story for others who share my emotional masochism fetish. In all honesty I just wanted to publish something while I'm still getting my erotic horror story up to scratch.

The next chapter will include male characters and more. I like your idea about the feelings being reciprocated too.

I am thankful for all feedback I get. Even if I don't take it all into account in this particular story I will bear it in mind for future work :)

plan on reading this, and haven't yet. But ur respectful and sane response to those who have read and commented prompted me save this for reading. And I can't do more at this moment except to thank u for ur courtesy and sanity. A rare thing to find anywhere these days. Take care...and wish u the best in this journey.

@Anonymous - thank you. The way I see it, no writer ever got anywhere by ignoring constructive criticism of their work. Detailed feedback about why someone did or didn't like my work is always helpful to me no matter what I'm writing, so as far as I'm concerned I should be encouraging such feedback.

... this was a powerful debut piece, one with which you should be well-satisfied; it certainly worked for me. I look forward to reading more of your stories when time allows. Welcome to Literotica, by the way - I am sure you will rapidly become a major asset!

@mel_pomene - thank you very much! :)

It feels like it could be longer, maybe put in the view point of olivia would help, or make it way more enjoyable.

I didn't mean to put the or I meant it would. Sorry.

@psych0817 - next chapter will be continue from this and be longer. Since two people have now mentioned it I might use different character's perspectives too.

Like it a lot. Glad it was in the third person not first. Keep it up!

I think the perspective is fine as it is. Love where the story is going.

@KatlynArgos and @Anonymous - thank you!

I am continuing this story as it is, feedback will simply be taken into account for future work, so don't worry :)