The Way It Should Have Been

"When I kissed you..........I put everything I had into that kiss..........I guess you could say I put myself into that kiss..........I don't know what I expected but when you didn't respond I figured you where in shock which is why I pushed you down onto the bed and kissed you again because I expected you to respond to that..........I expected you to force me off of you and either have a go at me and then leave or simply run out of the room..........and the reason I laughed wasn't because what I was doing was a joke it was because I had wanted to do that..........I had wanted to kiss you for so long..........to show you how I felt and how I still feel today for so long..........and yet I never did because I didn't want to loose you..........I felt that if did anything made a pass at you or anything you would freak and it would ruin what we had..........it would ruin our friendship and so I decided to do my best to remain your friend..........even though deep down I always wanted to be more than just your friend..........An I was laughing because it took me getting completely off of my face in order for me to do what I had wanted for so long and that is show you how I .........felt..........and still do feel."

I take one final deep breath deciding to end me baring my soul.

"..........Deep down even when I was kissing you both the first time and the second time when I had you pinned down onto the bed I knew that I was destroying what we had..........I was destroying our friendship..........and to tell you the gods honest truth Trish..........I didn't give a damn..........not because I considered you a joke but because after all those months dreaming fantasising imagining wondering..........after all those months of wanting to and yet not.........because if kissing you meant that I destroyed what we had together..........if kissing you meant throwing away our friendship..........if I knew that kissing you would mean the end of our friendship and if could go back and change what happened that night..........I wouldn't..........because kissing you was the best thing I ever did..........and if I could do it again..........I would."

An with that I stop talking and wait for Trish's response having a gut feeling that any minute now she is going to remove my arms from around her waist or get up out of bed or turn around and face me or do something which is going to let me know that I have just lost her for good.

Before she has the chance I say the one thing to her that I've always wanted to say to her. I say what I always knew would end our friendship... but I guess nothing can save that any more so I just say it. I say it from the depths of my soul and I mean it with all of my heart.

"I love you Trish... I always have... and it always will... no matter what happens..."

Trish's POV It feels like I've been lying here for an eternity and I wish she would just break my heart and get it over with. I can handle her yelling at me, mocking me and beating me but I can't take her pretending to be nice to me. It's just too much. Finally she says something.

"I remember."

Great, she still pretending she doesn't remember. I can't wait to see where she's going with this.

"It's weird but as you where telling me what happened I remember or rather I saw in the back of my mind the events that you where saying play out. I also remember how I felt and what I was thinking that night. I remember you telling me about how you wanted to forgive Jericho and move on with your lives together and yet at the same time you felt as though Chris deserved to feel what you felt when he broke your heart and you figured the best way on making Chris feel what you felt was by sleeping with his best friend."

Fantastic, rather than just getting it over with she's going to leave me hanging, to let me suffer for just a little bit longer, so she can really build up the story and twist the knife she stuck in my back, make sure I really feel it.

"I remember feeling sick and tired of hearing about Chris Jericho it was all you had been talking about for god knows how long. When you guys where together it was. Chris is this or Chris is that or Chris did this for me today or Chris said this. An when you weren't together it was worse it was I hate Chris so much I wish I could just do this or Chris is nothing more than a so and so. I was thinking about this when I was looking at you and I was also thinking about how much I wanted it to be me that you talked about constantly in a good way how it was me you wanted to move on with your life with and so in my as you put it "blindly drunk" state I decided to show you exacterly how I felt which is why I kissed you."

I feel like I've been just hit by a car. I can't believe what she just said... she can't possibly mean it... can she? No... it's got to be some kind of trick. Oh God, it's just like last time isn't it. She's going to make me think she actually cares about me and then she's going to laugh in my face. I want to run but I feel like I'm glued to the spot. I just won't listen to her. I won't listen to her lies. I won't allow her to manipulate me and break me again. I have to be strong. I have to...

Once again my thoughts were broken by her voice.

"When I kissed you..........I put everything I had into that kiss..........I guess you could say I put myself into that kiss..........I don't know what I expected but when you didn't respond I figured you where in shock which is why I pushed you down onto the bed and kissed you again because I expected you to respond to that..........I expected you to force me off of you and either have a go at me and then leave or simply run out of the room..........and the reason I laughed wasn't because what I was doing was a joke it was because I had wanted to do that..........I had wanted to kiss you for so long..........to show you how I felt and how I still feel today for so long..........and yet I never did because I didn't want to loose you..........I felt that if I did anything made a pass at you or anything you would freak and it would ruin what we had..........it would ruin our friendship and so I decided to do my best to remain your friend..........even though deep down I always wanted to be more than just your friend..........An I was laughing because it took me getting completely off of my face in order for me to do what I had wanted for so long and that is show you how I .........felt..........and still do feel."

Fresh tears run down my cheeks because there's no way she's telling the truth... there's just no way... it's not possible...

"..........Deep down even when I was kissing you both the first time and the second time when I had you pinned down onto the bed I knew that I was destroying what we had..........I was destroying our friendship..........and to tell you the gods honest truth Trish..........I didn't give a damn..........not because I considered you a joke but because after all those months dreaming fantasising imagining wondering..........after all those months of wanting to and yet not.........because if kissing you meant that I destroyed what we had together..........if kissing you meant throwing away our friendship..........if I knew that kissing you would mean the end of our friendship and if I could go back and change what happened that night..........I wouldn't..........because kissing you was the best thing I ever did..........and if I could do it again..........I would."

My heart is pounding at a mile a minute and I can barely breathe. I've known Lita for so long and we were once so close and I used to think that she couldn't possibly lie to me ever. I always used to think she was a terrible liar but now I'm not so sure. Either I never really knew her at all and she's a fantastic liar who is about to snap my heart like a twig... or... she is telling the truth.

I so desperately want her to be telling the truth but I still can't believe it. She can't feel about me the same way I feel about her. It's just not possible and there's nothing she can say that could change that.

"I love you Trish... I always have... and I always will... no matter what happens..."

I whirl round to face her searching her eyes for even the slightest trace of a lie.

I find none.

Those three little words send me into a rollercoaster of emotions. I'd heard them before from my friends, my family and even passed boyfriends but I had never heard them sound so meaningful, genuine and truthful in my entire life.

And then it hit me. A moment which I can only describe as pure clarity. A moment when your mind clears and everything suddenly makes sense.

I had passing lesbian thoughts before but they were never serious, until Lita kissed me and turned my life upside down. I had been spending years trying to tell myself I didn't like Lita in that way because I was so afraid of my own feelings towards her that I just couldn't deal with it. The whole laughing thing didn't help though. But this whole time I've been telling myself that she didn't like me and she only did what she did to try and screw with me. But I don't believe that any more. Or more accurately I don't want to believe it.

I'm still filled with doubt about how she truly feels about me... but I'm no longer in any doubt about how I feel about her.

In my moment of clarity I realise that I've not been an emotional wreck these past few years because I just wanted Lita in a physical way and she didn't want me back... I've been in an emotional wreck these past few years because I was in love with Lita and she didn't love me back.

I don't know when it happened, whether it was the night she kissed me, sometime between then and now or even maybe before that when she was my rock, but at some point I fell hopelessly in love with her and up until this very moment I have been unable to allow myself to even acknowledge it. I think at some level I've known the truth for a long time but I wouldn't allow myself to realise it, too afraid to even think to myself quietly, let alone say it out loud, but now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm in love with my former best friend/nemesis Lita and right now she is telling me she loves me back.

I still don't know if I can trust her or trust what I think I have heard, but I have too. I'll never forgive myself if I let this chance, possibly my only chance, at true happiness slipped through my fingers. I'm just going to have to trust her and if it turns out she's been lying to me and she destroys me, far worse than before and leaves me to die a sad, lonely broken hearted woman then at least I'll know I tried and at least I won't have to spend the rest of my life wondering.

As I desperately try and gather my thoughts I realise I've been lying here staring at her for what feels like an eternity. Not once has she broken my stare and I can only imagine what's going on inside her head.

I want to tell her how I feel but I'm so afraid. I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can tell her what's in my heart but I know I have too. But first I want her to say it again. I've got to make sure I didn't miss hear her. I've got to look in her eyes and know she is telling the truth.

With my voice barely above a whisper I finally say, "... You love me..."

I meant for it to sound like a question but my throat is so dry and my mind so numb it comes out as more of a statement.

Before I had the chance to try and correct myself she reaches out and brushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear before gently taking my face in her hand and said, "With all of my heart."

I feel myself melting away but I'm able to hide it from her. I've become very good at hiding my true feelings from her over the past few years. When I turned round to face her she drew back her arms like I had slapped her. Now she was touching me again this time with even more tenderness and it was driving me crazy but I needed to hear the words. I needed to hear her say it.

"... Say it..."

It felt like such a struggle just to get those words out. I feel like someone's choking me, preventing me from saying everything I want to say to her. I can barely say a simple sentence like that to her.

There is more dead silence between us which kills me.

Finally she says, "I love you Trish... I've loved you from the moment I saw you and no matter what has happened between us and no matter what comes next I will always love you..."

For the first time in what feels like an eternity she breaks eye contact with me looking downwards, avoiding my eye.

"... if you don't feel the same way that's fine... I never truly expected you too... I just wanted to tell you... I guess I just needed to tell you..."

She looks up at me again with tears running down her cheeks.

"You were never, ever a joke to me Trish and you never will be. I love you... and whatever you say or whatever you do... I love you... I'll always love you."

I stare at her, my mind racing with a thousand different thoughts and feelings. There is so much I want to say to her but in the end only two little words fall out of my mouth which are able to sum up almost everything I'm feeling right now.

"Prove it."

She searches my eyes for some time. I'm not sure what she's looking for but eventually she begins to bring her face slowly... oh so slowly towards me until her lips are millimetres away from mine.

There is a moment where it feels like she's waiting for me to protest, to object, to stop her. At that moment I want to tell her the last thing I want her to do is stop, but she doesn't give me the chance.

When her lips slowly pressed against mine it felt like my lips were set on fire with incredible sensations. The emotion is so strong it scares me and I almost pull back from her as if I've been touched by fire. But instead of pulling away at push forward throwing myself into the fire to be consumed, pressing my lips firmly back against her.

In my experience this is when the guy I'm kissing would shove his tongue in my mouth and try and fuck my tonsils with it. I was quite willing to let Lita do that to me but instead she increase the intensity of her kiss with out adding her tongue straight away. The kiss was soft, yet passionate. It felt like she was slowly giving me everything she had and I was more than happy to return everything she gave me twice over.

Eventually I felt the gentle lap of her tongue against my lips and I couldn't open them fast enough to let her in. When our tongues touched I felt like someone had thrown gasoline on the fire inside me. I increased the intensity of the kiss with a force that surprised even me. I had never been this passionate with anyone before, but I guess she just bought that out of me.

Finally she broke the kiss gasping for oxygen. I hadn't even noticed that she had rolled us so that I was on my back and she was now lying on top of me. Our bodies seem to be a perfect fit, her flesh pressed against my flesh so wonderfully it surprises me that I didn't notice it before.

Looking down at me she does something that scares the crap out of me... she smiles.

It's the same beautiful smile that at some point I fell in love with... but it's the same beautiful smile she gave me before she laughed in my face last time.

I braced myself, waiting for her to laugh, waiting for her to tell me that she was lying before and that I really am just a big joke to her... but she doesn't, she leans back down and kisses me again, harder than before and for the first time I truly realise it. I truly realise that she meant what she said... she loved me! Lita loved me! The woman I love loved me back! I've never been so happy in all of my life.

As our kiss becomes more frantic my hands start to wonder up and down her back, squeezing these wonderful little moans out of her mouth as I continue to worship her lips with my own. This only encourages her to run her hands up and down my sides, setting fire to whatever part of my skin she touches.

I'm suddenly incredibly embarrassed about what I'm wearing. I've dressed in the most obscenely nasty thought provoking lingerie and here I am dressed in a giant T-shirt like some kind of slop. I blush to myself thinking about the granny panties which the T-shirt is hiding. In my defence I only wore this as some kind of morbid protection from her but now the last thing I want to do is turn her off. The second she takes a look at those granny panties she's either going to be disgusted with me or laugh her head off. Almost definitely the second one.

I suddenly realise I'm thinking about her seeing my panties and it dawns on me exactly what it is I truly want to happen here tonight. I'm not the kind of woman to sleep with someone before even a first date but it feels like I've been dating her for years and I need her more than I've ever needed any one right now.

Breaking the kiss once again she kisses her way to my neck, sucking on the sensitive flesh she finds there, somehow finding all my sensitive spots without even trying making me squirm with pleasure under her.

I gasp when I feel her gently nibbling on my neck as if she's trying to leave a mark... which I find an incredible turn on before bringing her lips to my ear and whispering, "If you want me to stop at any time, just say so, ok?"

I feel like she's knocked the wind out of me again as I realise she wants what I want. I'm so overwhelmed I can barely nod a reply.

This puts that beautiful smile back on her face and she sits up, gently grabbing the bottom of my horrible shirt and began to remove it from my body, searching my eyes for any signs of resistance. The only reaction I give her is to lift my body up at an angle so she can remove my shirt and toss the item aside without even looking where she throws it. Quite honestly I don't give a damn were she throws it.

I was worried this would be the moment when she spots my granny panties and burst out laughing, but instead her eyes focus on my full breasts, a look of shameless lust covering her face.

I'm very proud of my breasts, they really are a work of art. I've been told by many men their my best feature. Their full, round, and firm. Their big, but not too big. At the risk of sounding egotistical, they're perfect and they've been an awesome weapon in seducing men... and now women apparently.

I fully expected her to bury her face in my cleavage and live out whatever fantasy her perverted mind could come up with my bountiful bosom. Instead she refocused on my eyes, something no man had ever done before after getting a look at my chest, and leaned down to kiss me just as passionately as before, as if she's telling me that it's me she wants and not my body. My body is just a convenient plus. Although she doesn't say it I can feel it and, somehow in a way I can't describe, I know it to be true, which only makes me hotter for her.

Breaking the kiss again she kisses her way back down my neck on her way to my boobs, but not rushing it, taking her time to enjoy my flesh like it's some kind of delicacy to her, making sure to get all the sweet spots on my neck before finally sliding her tongue from the bottom of my breast to my nipple and take it into her mouth.

I swear I thought I was going to cum right then and there.

In all my previous experiences when a man first got his hands on my boobs he would start slobbering all over them and treated them like they were his own personal toys. Lita was completely different, slowly and gently licking my nipple before moving to the other and repeating the same treatment, worshipping my breasts with her lips and tongue, once again hitting every spot that needed to be hit, when it needed to be hit.

When I got my implants I was terrified I would lose the sensitivity in my nipples. They had always been a huge pleasure point for me and I had heard horror stories of botched boob jobs which left girls unable to feel anything in their breasts ever again. Luckily I was able to get the money to get a quality surgeon who did a masterful job on my rack. Every year I almost sent him a Christmas card thanking him for a job well done. I think that I am going to have too this year because now I found someone who can bring out pleasure in them I've never dreamed of before.