There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 06

"Even Luck, you are dead man."

"Mrs. Stars, you heard her. If anything untoward happens to me, and I am not alive Monday morning, you can point the finger directly at your granddaughter."

"Doctor Luck is there a category in the criminal code for "Death by Fornication?"

"I'm not sure. You will have to ask Rod that question. Good night baby, dream of me, because I will be dreaming about you. Gordon will be spending the night with me."

"No, he's never been away from me."

"A few moments ago you ask me if I trusted someone. Do you trust me?"

"Bastard."

"Is there an echo in here, I thought I heard that word a few minutes ago."

"Make sure your computer is locked. If he gets a hold of it you are in trouble."

"No, I think I'll let him play with Sequoia and see where he takes it. It should be educational for all of us. Good night."

"I want you to sleep with this on your mind Even; I don't like you."

"I want you to go to sleep with this on your mind Jennifer; I love you."

"Bastard."

"There's that echo again."

Her grandmother pulled her into the elevator; otherwise this conversation would have lasted until the wee hours of the morning. As soon as she was gone, the other women in my life attacked.

"Isn't he dreamy dad? He couldn't stop apologizing for underestimating me all night. We talked about Quantum Mechanics, Fuzzy Metric Space, Expansion Method of Solving Non-Linear PDE in Mathematical Physics, and a whole bunch more. I think I knocked his socks off, because I knew as much as or more than he did. He asked me out on a date. I said, "Yes." She put her hands against her ears and said, "Don't yell at me."

"Why would I yell at you? You have the right to make your own decisions."

She took her hands away from her ears and stared at me.

"Would you mind repeating that to me?"

"Why would I yell at you? You have the right to make your own decisions."

"Dad, are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, I'm feeling fine. How are you? You seem happy, a little confused, but happy?"

"Dad, you do realize Gray is a boy."

"Boy or girl, it's your choice."

"Rod is this really my father, a robot, or a clone. He is answering all my questions wrong."

Rod whispered, "Do you know that dark-haired beauty your father is marrying. She has cast a spell over him. Take advantage of it while you can."

"Dad can we build a spaceship in our backyard?"

"I thought we already decided to do that."

"Good, I would have hated it if you forgotten about that. Let's go home; we have to pick up Gordon at Rod's house."

"I've decided to let Gordon play with Sequoia. I want to see what he does with it."

"Dad, we are looking at a 'Brave New World' if he does what he's capable of doing."

"He won't be ready yet, but I want him to get used to the machine. There's no sense in having him start on something smaller. Maybe you'd like to invite 'Gray' along to see what he does?"

"You're kidding, right; a boy sleeping in the same house as me?"

"In the same house Delicious, not in the same bed."

Delicious nearly tore my head off as she jumped up to kiss me. Then she ran off to find Doctor Grayson Thyme.

If she pulled him by the arm any harder, it would've been out its socket any second.

"Gray my father wants to ask you something?"

I looked at her and shook my head.

"Doctor Thyme, I am going to turn a four-year-old young man loose on a Sequoia computer. Would you like to come along and watch what he does with it?"

"Hell, I would like to get my hands on a Sequoia. What is a four-year-old going to do with it?"

"I don't know, but I'm willing to find out. This young man is exceptional, probably as exceptional as you were when you were growing up."

Delicious jumped in and asked with innocent eyes, "What do you like for breakfast Gray. I can make almost anything."

His decision was made as her eyelashes fluttered. "I would love to see this young man at work. (It wouldn't have mattered if I said Gordon was going to play in the sandbox. His eyes were focused on Delicious. I didn't care what Jennifer said, I was sleeping in the hallway tonight.)

*********

"Gordon the computer I'm going to let you use is not a toy. It is used for scientific purposes. You can try anything you want on it, but I want you to remember that okay."

"Where is the computer dad, all I see is the keyboard?"

I took my son for a little walk around the working space, down a short corridor, around the fire suppression system, and past the electronic safe. I pointed to the computer and said, "This is the fastest computer in the world, at this moment. Its name is Sequoia. The company that builds it is IBM."

"This is much bigger than my old computer. I could hold mine on my lap."

"Your computer was for fun. This computer is for work. Why don't you try to use some of your math skills, and see how far you can go?"

"Gee dad that sounds like fun."

"Math and science are always fun, son."

"Delicious why don't you sit at Station 1, Gray sit at Station 2, I will stay with Gordon at Station 3."

He didn't start and he blew me away. "Dad show me which function keys to use for physics."

Gray's head nearly snapped off his head. "Tell me he didn't say that."

"Would you like our relationship to start out with a lie?"

"I think I'm going to be sick. I didn't get into physics until I was eight."

And so it began for the next hour Gordon attacked Sequoia with a slow steady stream of numbers and symbols as fast as his tiny fingers could take him across the keyboard. I wrote a note on a whiteboard for Delicious. SAVE! She did. Some of what he put down on the screen was rudimentary physics. Other portions of it I did not understand. I was not taking any chances that he was wrong, I would have to decipher it later, just in case he was ahead of me. Some savants were like that. After an hour I said to Gordon, "My son that is excellent work. However now you have something else to do."

He looked at me expectantly, and said, "What is that dad?"

"You have to go to bed. It's way past time for you to go to sleep. Your mother is going to kill me if she finds out you were up until midnight."

"Can I stay up for another hour, I won't tell her. This is so much fun."

"No, we will not lie to your mother. It's a bad thing to do, and someone could get a spanking. I do not want it to be me. The computer will be here tomorrow and a whole bunch of tomorrow's afterward. You can play with it every day. Okay?"

"Do you promise?"

"Every day Gordon, I promise."

"Can I get a piggyback ride to bed?"

"I think I can handle that. Hop on board." For the first time in my life I took my son up two flights of stairs to my bedroom. I threw him up in the air and let him bounce on the bed. He laughed like a child of four, not like a brilliant mathematician. That made me happy.

"Again dad."

"No, get undressed. We will wash you up and get you into your pajamas. You will sleep with me tonight."

I didn't forget about Delicious and Doctor Grayson Thyme. I remembered what Jennifer said to me about growing up. As I thought about my previous protestations I knew they were unrealistic. If I put a squadron of tanks around her and enterprising suitor could dig a hole and snatch her away underground. I could give her advice, but I could not live her life for her.

********

I did not so much here little feet leaving the room, as I felt my son trying to sneak out of the room.

"Little person where do you think you're going?"

"Downstairs dad, Delicious is making breakfast."

My head popped off the pillow to see my clock. It was a quarter after six. Someone was up to no good, and it wasn't me.

"Go ahead Gordon; I'll be down in a few moments."

My Coitus Interuptus squad was on his way. His father would be there shortly. I dressed and shaved quickly to make myself look presentable, and closed my bedroom door. Delicious' door was slightly open. I saw every color red in the rainbow, when I noticed her bed had not been slept in. Doctor Grayson Thyme was going to die before breakfast.

Delicious heard me coming down the stairs. She met me there.

"We did not sleep together. Well, we did and we didn't."

"There is no in between, either you did, or you didn't."

"It's not like that dad."

"Enlighten me Delicious, before I serve him for breakfast."

"We were sitting on the couch and I guess I got tired and leaned against him and fell asleep. So did he, and that's the way we woke up this morning."

"Baby, I am going to try not to interfere with your life. I am not going to make it all the time, like this morning. I worry that you are not ready for this big bad world of ours. Go slow, like Duncan told you to do. Be as smart with your body as you are in your mind. They will both serve you well."

"Thanks dad, I love you too."

"I love you too. What's for breakfast?"

"Waffles."

"I'm sure Gordon will have a wonderfully messy time with those."

Gray asked me why I had all the security around the house.

"Do you know the work I do here and sometimes who I do it for?"

"I didn't realize that Doctor."

"Has delicious filled you in on what we plan to do, and how we plan to do it?"

"Yes she has. She's either out of her mind, or smarter than Newton. I never thought of the possibility of falling up."

"Delicious would you like to invite him to my other surprise party?"

"I would love to dad, but you said that it was for smart people only."

"Delicious that is enough. You got your shot in yesterday, and I don't want to hear another word."

"Okay, I'm sorry Gray. Can I tell him about it dad, because he's going to say it's not possible."

"Gray put $10 on the table."

"Should I ask why?"

"It's a family rule. When someone curses, $10 goes into the pretzel jar."

He put the $10 on the table, and said, "Okay now what?"

"Gordon come here and sit on daddy's lap."

"Is Doctor Thyme going to say a bad word?"

"Yes, possibly several of them."

"Okay, you can put your hands over my ears."

"Gray is it possible to bend radio waves?"

"No radio waves travel in a straight line."

"My dad has already done it."

"You're out of your fucking mind. No one can break a scientific truth."

"Gray you can put your $10 into the pretzel jar. Delicious we have to get more suckers like him. We could be millionaires."

"Dad, you already are."

"Oh yes, I forgot about that. Gray rules are made to be broken. From the earliest human endeavor to the beginning of writing in the south of the Sudan man has made leaps and bounds that have changed science every generation. 70 years ago there was no such thing as open-heart surgery. 50 years ago there was no such thing as a heart transplant. 30 years ago no one thought they could break the human genome code. 20 years ago nobody thought about cellular regeneration. 10 years ago no one thought of using gene therapy to cure illnesses. What I have done is just the next practical step in scientific advancement. Delicious is going to do the next step; and this little wonder sitting in my lap is going to take us to the stars."

Gordon tapped me on my hand. "Daddy has he finished saying bad words yet?"

I took my hands off his ears. "Yes he's finished; you can go back and finish a breakfast now."

"When I'm finished can I go play with Sequoia?"

"Not with the sticky fingers you can't. We will take a shower, and get you dressed for the day. Then Doctor Thyme will take you downstairs at 9 AM and you can play with Sequoia. Is that okay?"

"Yes, thank you dad."

Gray asked, "How can you bend radio signal?"

"If I tell you, you may patent it before I do. I have a demonstration coming up in six weeks with the heads of three major corporations, and a few dark agencies. Would you like to be there to see how it works?"

"The 101st Airborne Division couldn't keep me away."

"Delicious will call you with the time and day. We will be on one side of Republican Mountain, and the receivers will be in the Valley on the other side. I will have the best government single sideband, VHF, UHF, HF, and ultralow frequency radios with me for tests to prove that none of them works on getting their transmissions through the mountains. Then I will attach each of them, one at a time, to my pride and joy. Every one of them will work."

"Even you are fucking out of your mind."

"Daddy he said another bad word. He owes you $10."

"No Gordon, he owes the pretzel jar $10."

"Doctor Luck living in this house could turn out to be very expensive."

"Delicious knows that only too well, don't you dear?"

"Oh no dad, you are not getting me to bite at 7:30 in the morning. That damn jar has three weeks of my salary in your pocket."

"Since I pay your salary, I wish to thank you very much for your free labor."

"Fuck off dad. God dammit you did it again."

"Gordon how much does Delicious owe the pretzel jar?"

"Does dammit count?"

"In this case it does because she used God in front of it."

"Delicious you owed the pretzel jar $20."

"Gordon if you weren't so handsome I would say I didn't like you, but I do."

"Dad why wouldn't she like me, I didn't do anything wrong; she did."

"That's because she's not as smart as you. Are you finished your breakfast, you look sticky enough?"

"Yes, I'm finished."

"Okay, let's get ready for the day."

************

26. A TALE OF TWO LOVES

"I am at the front gate let me in."

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"Delicious it isn't 9 o'clock in the morning. Don't start with me. I will tear all this paperwork up and burn your mother's diary if you do."

"If you touch that diary I will skin your dick layer by layer until I get down to the veins. Then I will tie each one of them off and you will watch your dick turn black. Do you hear me Rod?"

"Do you remember the words you said to me in front of the clothing store: STATUS QUO? If you are nice to me I will be nice to you."

The posts went down, and gate opened. As he waited for the second gate to open Delicious said, "It's no fun when we can't argue Rod."

"I know, but if we get caught, I don't get laid. If I don't get laid I did rather be dead."

"Come on in, Doctor Grayson Thyme is still here."

"That's amazing; I thought he would be buried in the back 40 by now."

********

Rod walked into the house with a briefcase and several large folders in his hand. He walked straight into the living room and put his packages down, before entering the kitchen and saying hello to Delicious and Gray.

"Don't tell me he sleeping."

"No he's getting Gordon ready for the day."

"I never thought I would see the day that bumbling idiot would take to fatherhood so easily."

"Gordon do you want to hit him or should I?"

"You better do it dad, if I hit him he will cry."

"Gordon I know you are very bright, but you are not that strong."

"Dad would it be all right if we have him put in $10 on the table."

"Is he going to say a bad word?"

"Probably three dad."

"Rod put $10 on the table. If you don't say a bad word you get everything that's in the pretzel jar, plus the two $100 bills that are under it."

Rod could not get a $10 bill out of his wallet quick enough.

"Come on little man, let's see what you have."

Gordon walked over to Rod, and knelt on the floor. He rolled up Rods' right pant cuff, until it was just above his ankle.

"Mister Laver are you ready?"

Rod was sure Gordon was going to kick him in the ankle. He spread his legs to get his balance, and said, "Go ahead little man, give it everything you have."

Gordon stepped back about six feet. "Here I come." He started running as fast as he could, and at the very last second he hit Rod in the balls.

"Oh Fuck!" Rod groaned as he folded like a house of cards, and fell to the floor. He grabbed his groin and said, "Shit that hurt. I'm going to kill that little fucker."

Gordon was hiding behind me as everyone in the room laughed their asses off.

Delicious brought Rod a glass of water.

Gray was having a hard time controlling himself, because a four-year-old boy had faked out a 33-year-old man.

I could not have been prouder of my son. I picked up Gordon and asked, "Where did you learn that trick?"

"Julius Caesar used that tactic all the time, especially when he was in Gaul. He would make his forces in the center, thin but long to make his enemy think that was all the men he had. When the enemy attacked his center, the cavalry would come at them from both sides, eventually encircling them. If they didn't give up, the Romans killed them all."

"Where did you get this information?"

"I read it in a book in the library, when mommy visited a college."

"Do you remember the name of the book?"

"Yes, de Bello Gallico. It means the Gallic Wars."

"You read it in English right?"

"No, I read it in Latin."

The room became deathly quiet as everyone looked at Gordon.

"Doctor Thyme do you have any questions?"

"I want my mommy."

Even said, "That about sums up my feelings."

Gray would you take Gordon downstairs and let him play with Sequoia. Please save whatever he puts on the computer so we can analyze it later. It may take me weeks to do."

"It will be my pleasure Doctor Luck. Come on Gordon, there is a computer named after a tree waiting for you to play with it."

Rod was still holding his family jewels when he said, "A four-year-old who read Caesar's Gallic Wars, in Latin. I agree with Gray, I want my mommy."

"Delicious there will be no sex manuals in this house. If that boy gets a hold of the Kama Sutra the female population west of the Mississippi is in trouble."

"Single or married?"

"Both."

"Thank God he's only four; he has nine more years until he reaches puberty."

"We have to finish the ship before then, and be on our way. As long as he is in stasis, the female of our species is safe from being pregnant at the same time. The population explosion would be massive."

"What do you think will happen if we find a planet with humanoids like us?"

"If Einstein is correct, and we retain our age while we are asleep, he will still be 13. That will give him possibly 50 or 60 years of fertility. He and his offspring will do a very good job of changing the genome structure of the planet. They will all be six feet tall, with black hair, have black eyes, and be gorgeous. You will do your share Delicious, by helping the men of the planet."

"Very funny dad; from a virgin to a prostitute in 17 light-years."

"It's all in the name of science dear."

"Are you going to share Jennifer?"

"Are you out of your mind, she is my wife."

"Dad, it's all in the name of science."

"Well, since you put it that way, I think I'll get a paddle and beat you with it."

"Are you two finished yet?

"No, you still have to put $20 more in the pretzel jar. You said three bad words just like Gordon predicted."

"I don't like your son, Even. I have a feeling he is going to be smarter than his father, and a bigger pain in the ass than your daughter. You're not even married, and you have two children that are driving me crazy. It's not fair. I have six kids and they don't cause me as much trouble as yours are. In nine months and one day you will have three kids. I will wager that one will be smarter than the three of you. I am going to hate all of you combined."

"I'll give you a raise."

"Really, how much?"

"Cost-of-living."

"The cost-of-living doesn't keep up with the cost-of-living."

"How much do I pay you a year Rod?"

"I don't want to say that in front of her."

"Either you do or I will."

"$3.5 million year."