There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 06

"Dad, the 'Di LITHIUM CRYSTALS' do not need a larger containment unit. ' Scotty' taught me that when I was a baby."

Gordon pulled my pant leg. "Dad who is Scotty?"

The three of us laughed as Gordon looked around wondering what was funny.

"Scotty is a television character on a show called, "Star Trek." Delicious was telling a joke."

"Was it funny?"

"Yes, my son, it was funny."

"What do you think Delicious, should we take Doctor Thyme on board with us?"

"He will have to sign a nondisclosure agreement just in case he decides to go back to NASA, or any other firm. I do not want him to give them the designs for my propulsion unit for free. I do not want him to give them your designs for free either."

Doctor Grayson Thyme said, "I agree. I would not take a chance on me either. Draw up the agreement and I was signed it."

"You have not asked about salary or anything Doctor."

"Have you ever heard about railroads Doctor? Unless my grandparents and parents disinherit me, because they think I have gone loony, I do not have any money worries."

************

We were outside playing our version of soccer when Roz's car drove up to our front entrance leading two huge furniture vans.

"Delicious, what did you do?"

"Why me, I am standing here with you. Let me see what Roz has done. You stay here and play with your son."

I watched my daughter like a hawk. She did not talk to Roz. She went directly to the fake rock, pressed the codes that opened both gates and allowed the vehicles in.

Seconds later, Rods minivan drove in. He parked by the garage, and disgorged his six children. Five of them ran towards Gordon and me.

Gordon said, "Good morning General Jeffrey, we are playing soccer, would you like to play with us?"

The answer was a riotous yes, and the games began.

Rod came over to speak with me, and any time I made a move towards my house, he blocked it.

"Rod, before I beat the shit out of you, what is happening to my house?"

"First, you have not been able to beat the shit out of me since we were five. Second, you do not want to go to your wedding looking like you came out of a blender. Third, you do not want your bride to go into a house that the furniture looks like it came out of 'Little House on the Prairie.' Does that answer your question?"

"My furniture has character."

"Your furniture is food for termites."

"Rod I don't like you, and neither does my furniture."

"Father McAuley is giving it to the mission. He almost did not take it."

"I bought that furniture after I built the house."

"Where did you buy it at Goodwill?"

"Do you remember that raise we talked about?"

"This has nothing to do with what you are paying me. This has to do with the young woman you are bringing into your home. We did not want her to think you were a total moron. Let us go play with the kids until the furniture is in place."

"Who picked out the furniture?"

"You know damned well it was not me."

"Oh Fuck, my home is going to look like a dollhouse."

"You owe the pretzel jar $10."

"I know the rules. We have an honor code. If you curse and no one's around we still have an obligation to put money into the pretzel jar. You should here Delicious when she is putting that money into it. It is the funniest discussion you will ever hear."

"You should tape her one day, and play it back for her at dinner. I will wager she does not think it is as amusing as you think it is."

"If there is a steak knife on the table it will be in my heart before it finishes. I am not taking that chance."

It took the furniture movers nearly 2 hours to remove my furniture, and install the new furniture the way Roz wanted it. Delicious opened the gates for the furniture vans to leave, and signaled me it was time to see the revamped interior of my home. I was not looking forward to this.

Roz met me at the entrance door. "Even I did not put any draperies on the windows, I thought Jennifer would like to do that herself. If you say one word about my taste in furniture I will set my children after you, and you will go down the aisle with your bride in a wheelchair. Are we on the same page?"

"Yes dear."

"Excellent answer; get used to saying those two words and you will have very happy marriage."

She started giving me the grand tour. The kitchen had brand-new appliances, but that was not the end of it. Everything that was in the kitchen was new. A copper teakettle sat on the new stove, all the pots and pans were new. Every cabinet I opened everything was new.

"Roz where is all my stuff?"

"Even if you start questioning me in this room, by the time we get to your bathroom you going to be totally out of energy. Just look, like what you see, and do not ask. Are we on the same page again?"

"Yes dear."

"Smart man."

My glass kitchen table was gone. I loved that table. In place of it was a wooden table that could seat eight comfortably, and had to extensions that could be added. I still was not happy to lose my glass table.

I looked at Roz menacingly and she said one word, "CHILDREN."

"Oh." I was beaten with one simple word.

I was afraid to walk into the next room. My comfortable relaxing den. It held all my science books and magazines going back to my college days, on bookshelves that lined three walls. This was my personal refuge for days when I was not feeling well I could sit in my lounger with a cup of tea and read to my hearts' content. I would kill her if she touched MY room.

We walked in and my lounger was gone. In its place was a lounger for two. A short distance away was a smaller lounger that a little boy could climb into and read to his heart's content. My books had not been touched but we have new lamps for better lighting in the room. I turned to Roz and said, "Thank you."

The playroom was a real playroom that Gordon could get lost in for hours. He had a computer that could only play games, but I laughed when Roz explained it to me.

"The technician set it up so it had no possibility of doing anything but playing the internalized games."

"Roz give me the receipt or the young person's name that set up this computer. I will give Gordon one day to play with it. Then I will bring it back to that person, and have them look at it. He will not believe it is the same toy he sold you."

The living room was girly just as I expected. The three extra bedrooms upstairs were done in neutral tones so either sex could use them.

Rod, Roz, and Delicious stood in front of my bedroom door like guards. Delicious spoke for the Trio. "Dad remember to breathe. Remember this is for Jennifer. She has never been married before, and she is deeply in love with you. The bedroom is a fairytale for her, it is not for you. She has never had a man in her life, especially not one like you...

She continued to droll on, until I said, "Open the fucking door."

Delicious smiled. "I told you I could get $10 out of him."

"If you do not open that door your ass is going to be pink."

"That is 20."

I started moving towards her, and she opened my bedroom door and flew inside. Roz and Rod got out of my way hurriedly. I stepped inside my once Spartan room and entered a fairytale. A huge King size four-poster bed with a canopy, made of a white wood, with blue running through it. It was magnificent. The accompanying pieces from the night tables to her dressing table were phenomenal. It must have cost two fortunes, because I had never seen anything like it. I opened a walk-in closet doors to find closet organizers had been put in. How had they done that so quickly, and so perfectly? My new clothes were in there. How had Rod pulled that off? There were my loafers, the ones with tassels. The boots that came above my ankle, everything was there, including dozens of shirts in colors I would never be seen dead in. Somehow I had a feeling I would be wearing the shirts one day. I have lounging jacket with leather cuffs. Where was Hugh Heffner when you needed him. Who hangs up pajamas, but here were six pair of pajamas hanging one right next to another. Why did I have a feeling my lifestyle was about to change.

If my pajamas were in the closet I decided I had to check my dresser to see what other new things were in there.

New underwear with Italian names inside them? 20 pair of underwear. There are only seven days in a week; doesn't anybody in Italy do the wash? Socks: black, blue, gray, teal, pink(yes pink), yellow, and white. They don't sell these at Walmart.

Then of course there are the sport socks, which I always thought came in one color: WHITE. Like science things change every generation or so. Red, blue, green, aqua, and any of the color sock for any sports team in the world. I guess I don't watch enough television.

Then I ventured into that final room, which is a woman's domain: the bathroom. I have a very large bathroom, with a Jacuzzi tub, with a separate shower, and a double sink, only one of which was ever used. It had two triangular shaped medicine cabinet/mirrors one at each side which I always considered more than adequate for my needs. It held my toothbrush toothpaste shaving equipment and other assorted odds and ends we gather through life and forget we ever have. That left three shelves on used. They were gone. In its place was a mirrored medicine cabinet that reached from one end of the double sink to the other, approximately 7 feet long. It had three doors. If you pressed your finger against the mirror, the door opened slowly until it reached 90 degrees. When you took out what you wanted and touched the mirror again, or 45 seconds had elapsed the door closed automatically. I was told the timing could be adjusted. Gee whiz what would they come up with next?"

"What do you think, Even?"

"I think it's magnificent. How did you do all this Roz and take care of six kids?"

"My husband was out of commission for almost 2 months. It gave me plenty of time to shop."

"I made it up to him this morning, I gave him a raise."

"He told me, cost-of-living."

"Rod do you have something you want to tell your wife before she kills you? Or do you want me to tell her, and then she will kill you?"

"I was going to ask Delicious to take care of our kids, and take Roz into Denver for a candlelight meal and tell her then. It was going to be a surprise."

"I have never seen you as quick on your feet as you were just then my friend. You just got yourself out of a death sentence."

"I never lie to my wife. I promised her that before we were married, and I have never reneged on that promise. It was the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God."

"Delicious, Gray and you are babysitting tonight."

"Who is going to chaperone Jennifer and you?"

"I am."

"The Lamb watching the Lion?"

"No, that would be Gordon. If I don't bring him with me tonight she will think I sold him to another country."

***********

"Where do you think you're going dressed like that?"

"I'm going to meet Jennifer."

"Even you are impossible. You have a closet full of new clothes, and one pair of old clothes. Which one do you put on; the old ones. If you are not upstairs in your room in 30 seconds I swear I will break your arm."

Gordon said, "Dad my clothes look better than your clothes, and I don't like my clothes." (Note to self: Try never to dress worse than your four-year-old son.)

"Gordon do you have any other close for you to wear?"

"No dad this is all mommy gave me."

"Well, after I get dressed maybe will do a little shopping of our own. What do you think about that my son?"

"As long as I can get out of these plaid things, I will be very happy."

"I used to wear plaid all the time?"

"Yes I know, Father McAuley told me."

I looked at Rod and said, "Do you remember that discussion we were going to hold off with Father McAuley; add plaids to the agenda, and I will add dresses on priests."

"Even if you do that you may as well plan on taking him with you in your spacecraft. That discussion will never end."

"Rod I need your help picking out something to wear."

"It will be my pleasure."

20 minutes later, I walked down the stairs in brown slacks, a yellow shirt, a camel hair coat, with yellow hanky sticking out of the breast pocket. I was also wearing brown shoes with laces. My son looked at me and said, "Dad, I want to look like you."

"Gordon let's go shopping and we will see what we can do about that, okay?"

I opened the front door to let Gordon out, just as Delicious, and Gray were about to walk in.

"Holy shit what happened to you?"

"I will forgive you this outburst because I look so dashing and debonair. This is the new and improved version of Even Zachariah Luck. This household will have to try to keep up with my appearances from now on. They will be no ripped jeans or shoddy appearances allowed. If you excuse me, my son and I are going shopping."

I brushed by Delicious, and winked at Gray as I walked out with Gordon holding my hand.

Delicious looked at Rod and asked, "Is he for real?"

"If you don't think so go look in his closet. All his old clothes are gone. This is the way he will be dressing every day. When he goes down to the lab he will be wearing lab coats to protect his new clothes. No more sneakers, flip-flops, or wedges, you have just met the new Doctor Even Luck; Billionaire."

"Really, when did he make that jump?"

"I believe he did it when his tongue was playing with Jennifer's tonsils last night. When I looked it up this morning, he was well above that mark."

"Shit I won another raise." She threw her purse on the floor and stepped on it.

Rod laughed.

Gray asked him what happened.

"Gray there is an honor system, and she just said a baaad word. She has to put $10 in the pretzel jar, even though her father did not hear her say it."

Delicious pulled $10 out of her wallet and started walking towards the new kitchen table, with the pretzel jar sitting in the center.

Doctor Grayson Thyme said, "That is very commendable of you Delicious."

"Fuck off."

Rod laughed.

"God dammit, shut up already. From the measly $10, I now owed the jar $30. I'm going to be broke by the time we go out tonight."

Gray whispered in her ear, "It will be my treat."

Delicious smiled.

*******

There were several young men's clothing stores in Denver and I called each of them as I was driving. I gave them Gordon's approximate height, weight, and build. I asked them if they had anything in stock that they could fit him in. Two suggested prep school type clothing, and Gordon shook his head no. The other said they had a range of clothing for young men, but they were not sure they had anything that small. They would have to see him to be sure. I told him we would be there in 30 minutes or less.

Gordon walked in the door head of me, but when the salesman saw me, it was like he saw dollar signs in his eyes. No one had ever looked at me that way before. Apparently clothes to make the man.

"How may I assist you sir?"

"I would like my son to walk out of here in about an hour in a sport coat slacks shirt and tie and the best fabric that you have. Cost is not a factor, time is."

"Yes sir, right away sir. My staff will get right on it."

Gordon was attacked as I was the other day when Rod took me to the men's store. They put a curtain in front of him blocking the view from the front of the store, removed his clothing, and measured him from tip to tip. Phone calls were made to other stores to get items not available in theirs. They begged, pleaded, threatened, and cajoled everyone they spoke to get what they wanted, and eventually they did. The whirl of sewing machines could be heard in the back adjusting the material to fit my son perfectly and every once and again Gordon would yell out, "Dad are you still out there?"

I would respond, "Gordon are you still in there?"

He would laugh and so would I.

As an hour went by I called the manager and reminded him of my time restraint.

He said, "Sir we need 10 more minutes."

I looked at him menacingly, and said, "10, not 11."

He ran into the back asking his people to hurry."

*****

My son walked out as bright and shiny as a new penny.

Black slacks, black shirt, gray blazer with a black hanky in the pocket. The only thing we had to do now was to get rid of the brown shoes.

I went to pay the bill and asked the manager how much?

"He said $800."

I asked him if he could do it again four more times in various fabrics and colors. Two would be suits, the others would be sport coats and slacks, leaving enough fabric for him to grow.

The manager said they would be no problem accommodating me.

I handed him my American Express card and he ran it through.

He handed me the receipt to sign, and when he looked at it I had added a $1000 tip for the people who worked so hard to get Gordon fitted properly. The manager did not know how to thank me enough.

I asked him if he would like me to leave a deposit for the new clothes, and he said that would not be necessary.

I thanked him, and Gordon and I walked out of the store like two Bon Vivant. Gordon even strutted a little.

We went to a shoe store and I asked him what type shoe he wanted.

"Can I have black "Keds."

"Yes you can, but for tomorrow you need shoes. You can pick out whichever shoes you like."

I sat down to wait for Gordon to make his decision, and a young woman in her early 20s asked me if I needed help. I explained what Gordon needed and she went to assist him.

Gordon came back and sat by me as we awaited the young woman to return with his shoes. She sat down on her little stool and lifted Gordon's foot to put his Keds on first. She made quite a show of it, but not to Gordon, to me. She had her legs turned sideways in her knees apart to show me she was not wearing any panties. She had no hair around her vagina, and it was young and pink. It also appeared to be a little wet. She may have been playing with herself while getting Gordon's shoes.

Will Gordon was running up and down the aisle in his new Keds, the young woman was smiling at me, while I retained and impartial attitude.

When Gordon returned I asked, "What do you think my son? Did your foot go in really tight, or did it go in loose, as if it was wet?" I said that while looking straight at her.

She spread her legs wider to give me a better look at her vagina. She was wet to the point of dripping.

I wondered where all this boldness came from. A few weeks ago I couldn't talk to a woman. I met a policewoman and nearly propositioned her for $1000. I meet a beautiful young mother on an airplane, and I want her for the rest of my life. I am marrying her tomorrow, and that is all I ever wanted or ever dreamed about. I am in a shoe store with my son, and some nubile young woman has her thighs spread showing me her wares.

What is happening to me? Divine is this your doing? Are you setting me free of our past. I will never let you go. You are half of my heart. You have made me what I am. No one will ever replace you. Jennifer will stand beside you, but she will never replace you. I will never love her 1 oz. more than I love you, and I will not love her 1 oz. less. I will revere you both as equals in my soul. I will meet you one day in the stars just as you asked. Wait for me my beloved sister, I will come to you. I will be there one day.

"Dad why are you crying?"

"I was thinking about my sister, who I loved."

"Did you find out how Delicious is your daughter?"

"Yes I did, and when we are with your mommy I will tell you both at the same time. What did you decide on your sneakers?"

"I will wear them today. I found the shoes I want, they look like your boots."