There Was Confusion

Before I knew it my stomach was growling and it was nearing dinnertime. Already feeling better I decided to get back to the hotel drop off my stuff and then find something to eat.

I returned to the hotel and decided to check my phone. I'd kept it off to avoid as many "real life" distractions as possible but I wanted to see if my attorney had any news and make sure my family didn't need me for something.

I really hadn't thought much about it, mostly because I didn't want to deal with it I suppose, but Janice hadn't tried to contact me since Saturday. I briefly thought it would take some time to set herself up and a phone was probably not the highest on her list. So I was annoyed to see a text and voice mail message. The text simply said 'please call'.

The voice mail was a little longer but basically the same, "Keith, please call me when you can. We need to talk."

Doesn't matter how many times you've seen it, heard it or read it, that statement is simply moronic. Of course we do, but I think that would have been so much more appropriate last week before the nooners and midnight rendezvous' began. BITCH!

Damn, damn, DAMN. Ugh! All right, I'm here to get away from this and that is what I need to do. I sent a quick text back, 'not now give me a couple days'. Before I could get my phone turned off she sent back, 'okay...ILY'. Okay, that made me snort.

Did you ever wish you could reach into cyberspace through your phone, monitor or tablet and simply slap the person on the other end? Yeah, well I do quite often. There's that and arming my car with paintball guns to "tag" those who shouldn't have a driver's license. Okay, anger management, I get it but you know you'd want it too. The police could simply watch for people who have a minimal number of paint blotches and give them a general nuisance citation. Come on, it would serious cut down road rage. Really, it would, but I digress.

Back to my books and trying to forget the unfaithful whore, cyber technology and bad drivers.

-----

I woke the next morning lying on the book I was reading and still in my clothes from the day before. Man, that really needs to stop.

A shower and change of clothes had me ready to visit the coffee shop that had the most amazing cinnamon rolls and coffee in the world. Well, every town has that but heck, since I'm here I am sticking by my remark.

I decided to return to my park and set about leaving this world and its woes again. If Jackson had done what he was suppose to have, Janice would be served today and it was a day to remain unchained to the e-world.

I would have to tell my family at some point. They wouldn't be like some you've read about where a few, or a lot, would take her side. Blood was thicker than water, not in a redneck way, but my family supported each other and their love for me and the respect they had for the way I made decisions helped me know that I had no worries there. They'd be sad but supportive.

I was again brought back to reality by my digestive system and my body's need for nourishment. I had decided to return to the place from the night before. This was the greatest Mexican food I've ever eaten and it was worth repeated trips.

After the meal, which was considerably more than I needed, I thought I'd better check my phone again. One message from Janice, 'i'm so so sorry Keith. please forgive me'. A voice mail from a number I recognized as probably one of Jackson's and another from Marge.

"Keith, call me please." Short and sweet. I'm guessing I was right about Janice being with Marge or at least talking to her.

Marge answered, "Keith?"

"Yeah, Margie it's me." I answered

"Oh my God. What in the world is going on? Janice is a wreck and you've fallen off the face of the earth."

"Well, life as I knew it stopped early Saturday morning. Falling off the face of the earth would have honestly been preferable."

"Janice has barely been coherent since Sunday and when she received the envelope from your lawyer today she is practically catatonic. What happened at the conference? Gladys dropped Janice off late Saturday night with not so much as a 'how do ya do' and all I've gotten from Janice is a mumbled mess about screwing up." Gladys was a primary grade level teacher who is in the spinster mode from ages past. I don't think she was a lesbian, she simply didn't find a man to her liking (yet?) and was committed to her students.

"That about sums it up Marge. Couldn't have said it better myself actually."

"I know you Keith and I trust that you have made your decision based on fact but you do have a tendency to fly off the hammer at times. What was worth leaving her across the state with nothing?"

"Here, this will help," and I hung up on her. I found the video on my phone and sent it to her. Well, that ought to surprise her, perhaps upset her, but definitely help answer her question. She'd get over it. Marge knew me and had to expect something like that or at least it would show my emotional state and how serious things were.

I turned my phone off again for a while. We'd talk again later.

Janice had the paperwork so the ball was in her court for now. That gave me a small amount of peace for the moment. A little weight was taken from my shoulders and I was suddenly tired again. The hotel bed was calling my name and I obliged.

-----

This isn't a tiny town as I might have alluded to earlier. It was big enough for a small college to serve this part of the state and with most college towns there was a local pizzeria to serve the needs of the student populace. In my world pizza was one of he basic food groups. On the pyramid of nutrition pizza was the inside of the triangle and everything else shared the pencil line border. Pizza would serve as dinner and breakfast so walked over toward campus to place my order.

It was my intention to order my pizza To Go. I noticed a woman about my age or so that looked strangely familiar. I thought it must be a former student from my first years as a teacher but that just didn't seem right. As it got closer for my turn to place my order I noticed she had seen me and had the same look on her face that I imagined I had just moments earlier.

I placed my order for the "King of the Hill" (super meat combo of every meat known to man...and a few I suspect not so well known but I wasn't asking) and told them it was to go when it hit me. Darcy. It was Darcy. That woman was Darcy Green. A small world doesn't even begin to cut it Mr. Disney, this was an improbability.

Darcy Green was my high school sweetheart. I handed my money to the cashier and turned my head to see she had the same realization at that moment that I had. We rapidly went from a wry smile to outright laughter when the absurdity of meeting here so many years later dawned on us.

I raised my eyebrows in between giggles and she nodded. I collected my change, putting some of it in the tip jar, and made my way to her table. She was alone and had begun to eat what I assume was a Calzone or small Stromboli. That part didn't really matter. As I approached she stood and opened her arms for a hug that I gladly provided.

"My God, Keith, it really IS you," she said breaking the hug.

"In the flesh Darcy. What in the world are you doing here?" I said as we sat across from each other.

"I work for the college as a professor in the business department. My husband received a position in the administration and there just happened to be an opening for my expertise."

"She caught me glancing at her left hand and said, "Well, ex-husband now. Seemed like he had an affinity for coeds and I didn't like sharing. And by that I mean the STD he shared with me," she said with a little angst in her voice.

I reached over for her hand and I said, "I am so sorry Darcy. What a horrible way to find out." I grimaced as I remembered how I found out.

"Keith?"

"Nothing hon', we've much to catch up on and some will be good as well as bad. Let's just say I can empathize with your views on fidelity."

"Oh, Keith. I'm sorry."

It was silent for a moment but I was determined not to waste time dwelling on reality. I was here for distraction and I could not have prayed for a better one.

We sat at her table until my pie was done and then we moved outside. There were some picnic tables in and around the pizzeria, some a little worse for wear than others, and we were able to find one that was sturdy but private.

She told me her story of going to college and finding the business world a little too bustling for her. She did manage an MBA but ended up figuring out she was much more comfortable teaching future business leaders than being one. They had moved to this college for him but she stayed for herself. She liked the students they attracted and she felt she made a difference. Her salary was good enough to live comfortably and found that single life allowed her to have what she needed and wanted. She did date off and on but nothing ever serious.

I told her my story and I could tell she was taken in with the part of my life with Charlie. I think she saw herself in Charlie and knew that she was guilty of similar things in regard to decisions and my feelings. I could tell she was feeling my pain when I described Charlie's decision to leave. I saw her beaming with me when I talked about teaching and how I loved my job and my students. I knew she could sense the cloud over my heart when I began to talk about Janice and cried with me when I described what I found nearly a week ago. She held me as I lost control. I knew I'd kept things bottled in and it simply broke open. I was glad we'd gone outside and found a table that was pretty private. I needed to share with someone and Darcy was there to comfort me and tell me it would be alright, that I would hurt but she could tell me from experience that I would live and love again someday.

-----

I woke once again in a mental fog (this has got to stop) but managed to get my bearings quicker. I knew I was in a hotel, in my favorite out of the way town and in my clothes (okay, this may be what gets me into therapy). What was unfamiliar was the body next to me. I looked over and found that Darcy was holding me tight as she slept. She was still in her clothing from the night before (whew, not just me) and she had a content look on her face as she lightly snored.

I looked around the room and could see the pizza box on top of the small refrigerator that came with the room. I had to assume she put our leftovers in there and stayed to comfort me during my meltdown. There was nothing sexual here, it was one friend consoling another who had been hurt. As I lay there Mother Nature took control of my body. Damn, that will wake Darcy and this is where I really need to be right now.

No amount of Zen thought could relieve the need and I tried to be as subtle as possible but Darcy was attuned to what I needed and she woke to make sure I was all right.

My God she was still beautiful and that smile hadn't lost that youthful joy. Okay, I'd awaken her and assured her things were okay so it was time to pay my morning duty which was the reason for disturbing perfection in the first place. She took her turn when I was done.

We decided to stay in for breakfast. She wasn't really hungry and didn't have a change of clothes even if she was. I did have a change but stayed in what I had to go to the lobby for coffee.

There was a breakfast bar and various guests were waking up and figuring out what they wanted to eat. While I waited my turn for coffee I turned my phone on to see what the afternoon and night had left me. One message from Marge, 'OMG'. A second voice mail from Jackson that I assume was confirming the delivery of the paperwork and checking to see if I'd gotten the first message. A missed call from my parents, I guess word had traveled to them somehow, and another missed call from a number I didn't recognize.

I managed to get the coffee back to the room without spilling too much. Darcy had worked to put herself more in order and graciously accepted my coffee.

We talked about what happened last night and she assured me things were fine, she simply didn't feel that I needed to be by myself last night.

"Keith, you need to go home," She said bluntly.

"Darce, I have no home."

"You know what I mean. You will have other emotions to deal with now but grief should be on the way out now. For your sake and Janice's you need to begin to put closure on this relationship, whatever that might be, in order to move forward from here."

"I know you've been there and are probably right but it really isn't that easy."

"I know that as well, Keith, but you're right I can say from experience that self-pity only leads to a deeper depression that will be harder to work out of."

She looked at me with the same passion I remember from high school. Not a physical passion but a deep loving passion I'd missed terribly.

"I'll be here Keith. When you are ready I will be right here." Then she put on that wry little mischievous smile, looked around and said giggling, "Well, not right here."

Darcy was right, of course, and I packed up to return to face my future.

-----

The drive back wasn't as long or tedious as a week ago. A week ago...really? In so many ways it seems like a half a lifetime. It took longer than normal because I really had no need to push the speed limit. I needed a plan and I took this opportunity to figure out whom I wanted to talk to and what I was going to do.

The only message on my phone was from Darcy. She sent me a text, 'b strong, b open, trust ur gut'.

When my cell service was strong enough I called Marge. I hadn't talked to her since the video was sent and I felt that some information about what Janice had been telling people, how she was doing and what others might be saying would be important to how I went forward.

"Keith, thank God. Where are you? How are you doing? Why have you been off the radar? I'm so sorry, I suspected but had no idea," was the way Marge answered my call. Obviously, I had left her in the dark too long.

"I'm heading home, such that it is. I've been better but a week and leaving town had improved that a bit. It seemed like the best way for me to get in control of my emotions," trying to answer most of her questions as I remembered them.

"You know I've not taken sides, right?"

"Yes, Margie, no worries here. I know Janice is pretty much alone here and I'm glad she had you to turn to."

"Well, you did a number on her," she said and continued as I began to interrupt, "I know hon', she really did a number on herself. I had no clue she would ever even consider something like that."

"I guess that makes two of us," I said with a deadpan tone. Some of the energy I'd "stolen" from Darcy was beginning to wane.

"A good friend told me I needed to pick my ass up and begin to find a way to move forward and that it had to start by talking to Janice. I was thinking of things that would help me deal with that. Please don't take this as anything more than base curiosity but how is she doing?"

"For quite awhile she was an emotional wreck. What she went through to get back here really hit home with how alone she is without you. She knows she fucked up and has finally come pretty clean to me about everything that led to you leaving. Of course, she doesn't really know how much you know but she understands that it is enough to have damaged your relationship. On the front I think she hopes that it is repairable, however, I believe she knows that things are beyond repair. Being served devastated her and she is just now responding to conversation and eating something. I can't imagine what you feel like Keith."

"I won't kid you Margie, I feel about as useless as a fart in the wind," I'd always wanted to use that phrase but lacked the opportunity, so I sported a wry smile as I continued, "and its all I can do to stay on the road at times. I'm not sorry she feels like shit, this situation of all, ALL of her own doing."

"I know hon', and she does too. One of the few times she was lucid enough to talk to me she told me what she had done and as much of a why as she could muster."

"So, what does the rumor mill have going about Janice and me?"

"To be honest Keith, since it's summer and Janice has me on a semi-suicide watch I have no clue what people are saying. There is enough information and misinformation that I'm sure some of them are really taking advantage of the situation. Gossipers in general cannot find a more satisfying pleasure than speculating on what others are doing," she said with some exasperation.

"So she hasn't needed to talk to anyone else about this?"

"I can't be certain but unless she's been on the phone to anyone I don't think so."

Well, I wasn't sure what I'd do with information about what others might know but it would be nice to be able to go places in town with some expectation of how people might react to my presence. At the very least I was expecting the knowing, sympathetic (emphasis on the pathetic part) glances where they didn't think I could see or notice. I've seen it before, twice in fact.

I had pulled off for gas and a drink and sent a text to Janice, 'k time to talk'. I returned to the highway and let my mind wander as I drove.

I had two things that bothered me the most: Janice's ability to so easily slip into an affair, my inability to see what she was doing. Both of them were based almost wholly on the fact I trusted her completely. I knew that was something I did, however, this is not the first time this has happened. In fact, it is the third time in as many deeply committed relationships I've ever had.

I knew I had to stop this line of thinking soon or I'd regret it. I already knew a fourth time would be unlikely and if I dwelt to deeply on the hurt and disappointment in myself, as much as Janice, that there would probably not be another opportunity to trust.

My thoughts turned to Darcy. First, she was where I wanted...no, needed to be. She also held a piece of my heart and always would. Is it possible to try anew with her? Would it even be a smart move to try? Should I wait and what if I waited too long? She is still a beautiful woman and I have no idea how long she would be available for a relationship to develop between us. She said she hasn't even been tempted to try with anyone else, but how long could that last?

My phone beeped, 'really?'

'yes'

'name the time and place'

'k'

Where do we meet? Someplace safe for both of us but private. Would it be best for a friend or witness? Probably in a legal sense but I'm not sure in a relationship sense. We are not getting together, that is a done deal. Even as my anger fades my hurt is not and forgiveness is impossible. My memory is still fresh, strong and clear. The house is out, that is not neutral for either of us. A restaurant as well I am unsure about my anger staying in check enough to leave other customers out of our business. That leaves an open area or Margie's condo.

When you need them people will usually take the "I don't want to be involved" approach and when you don't need them then they have their cell phone out recording your business and calling 911. So, if she'll allow it, Margie's place will be best.

I called Marge and told her what I was thinking. We'd use her living room to talk and have Margie close by in case something got out of hand. I apologized over and over about being presumptuous and abusing our friendship. She was very nice and let me know that it wasn't an imposition, she was friend to both of us and if this was a way to help us as a couple or individuals then she would gladly do it.

We disconnected our call and I pulled over to the side of the road and texted Janice once more, 'ill be there tomorrow at 1', and shut my phone down