All Comments on 'Those Eyes...'

Wow more please!

your spelling sucks, maybe if your story was legible I might give it a better rating. Hell even read it

i like the story plot and would love 2 read a sequel but whoever checked it over 4 mistakes in the writing need 2 check it over again... there was a her self and a form that i believe was supossed 2 b a from and many more that detracted from the reading experience ~MB

I wanted to like this story, but I just couldn't get past all of the glaring mistakes. Every sentence does not need to be its own paragraph. It breaks the flow and the writing feels choppy and rough. The other big problem was switching between past verb tense (it happened) and present tense (it is happening now). You have a point where you actually go from past to present verb tense in one sentence, and it's not a reflection on the past.

I hope you write more of this story! I enjoyed it very much :)