All Comments on 'Two Friends Ch. 01'

This is a pretty good beginning, some things could use a little bit of tweeking... dont tell us how your day started out like normal, just go right into it, you woke up and went to school met your friend(more show, less tell)... your descriptions of your main characters were a little bland, how did you(im not sure what your characters name was) feel when you looked @ ryan(hot, tingley, ??) engage us and bring us in so we feel what you feel when you look at ryan, when you think about him. im assuming that 'you'(your character) already knows he's gay(or deluding himself into believing he's bi) from the porn statement, so how does he really feel about all of this, bring us into his struggles.

you have a lot of potential stored in this story and you could definitely use an editor or at the least a beta reader for your story to get to the next pennacle. if you need/want help, just go to the bulletin board and post a new thread under the editor's section stating what you need and what you are looking for.

Good luck and i'll keep an eye out for ch2 :)

there was way too much narration to begin the story. you give so much detail that it detracts from the story and made it bland. i almost gave up. it picked up at the end and you have me mildly curious. you might need to give us an explanation at the end for all of the gaming terminology for us non-gamers b/c i was totally lost on botting. i thought it was a typo for betting.