All Comments on 'Unexpected Turn of Events Ch. 03'

I have really enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so much for actually keeping you promise about the length. I love Angels fiery personality. I couldnt help but laugh at a few parts. Im just really curious as to what will happen next. I know you said it may take a big longer than usual, but Im willing to wait (hopefully not too long, like other authors sometimes take). lol. Great job. keep up the work.

Your POV keeps changing. The story is decent but trying to follow who's thought pattern is too exhausting.

I love the plot and the story line but it confusing to read because you switch from first to third person. Try telling her point of view in one segment then his in another not her's in one paragraph then his the next. And as I said I do love it it's just a bit confusing.

I like this story but like a couple of the others the switching from him to her is slightly offputting. You need an editor to help hone your work a bit.

Keep trying though cos its starting to get interesting now. :)

Im trying to really like this story but the flow of the story is getting in the way. Decide which POV you are going to use and stick with it or indicate a change of pov. Also Cullen sounds damn near abusive although I love how Angel gives as good as she gets. Its kind of hard to like Cullen because of his over the top arrogance and seeming like a bully with no personality. I would like to know more about the main characters and their backstories and who they are, especially Angel. Good luck with the writing. Find an editor asap.

Although slightly confusing as to who's talking, once I figured it out, the story is definitely worth following. Cullen being a dominant alpha male and Angel being a smart ass human will lead to a wondrous adventure I look forward to following.

I am loving this story I agree it does get a bit confusing how you go from him speaking then its her..but I love it none the less. I also love the fact that unlike a lot of other stories I've read with an alpha male Cullen doesn't seem to be caving into her just because they're mates. He is sticking to it, very sexy ;) can't wait for the next chhapter!

I'm enjoying the story. I do think you should get an editor and have them esp help you with using staying in the same point of view. You are switching point of view often, sometimes in the same sentence. If you want to go to his from hers and back, maybe seperation with a small line in between sections would be good. I wouldn't switch too often though.

Aside from that, I like that Cullen isn't the typical perfect man that the Alpha's usually are. He is a bit chauvinistic and has a temper. I like that he's got some faults. I look forward to the rest of the story. I'd like to see some challenges for them that differ from the typical other female who hoped to mate the alpha. I'd love to see another type of threat.

with what some of the others are saying. The biggest problem to an otherwise charming and interesting story is the point of view problem. Personally I think you should go with third person and stick with it.

Loving it! I hope u keeping writing about this story because it is worth following

But I have to say I don't like Cullen at all. His attitude and view of people is almost enough to make me stop reading. I understand the upbringing he had but still this is supposed to be his mate.

I am loving this story

good story..just stop switching tenses in mid stroke..pick one and stick with it..makes the story easier to read and flow

liking the story, but agree with previous comments, decide which POV you want to use and stick with it. you go from third person to first person in one sentence and you go from his mind to her mind in a single sentence. this is actually putting the story down. the first two chapters were perfect in the way you used the POV. i know it's hard when a lot is happening and you have a lot to tell, but just stick to a scene in one person and after switch to the other.

i like the story so far, though i have to admit eventhough it seems cullen is slowly becoming more in touch with his emotions, he still seems a bit like a bully in how he treated her at first.

WOW COOL, sorry did mean to yelll

, but that was way cool.

I really like the story. I like it enough that this is my first time to comment. Please be consistent with your POV, don't shift every five paragraphs because it's so difficult to keep track and those line breaks or something do not really help. And when you do shift POVs, at least be consistent. It's difficult to follow who's thinking and saying what. Really great story and I tried to read through it but I'm stopping now. I hope you get an editor. Please, please get one.

Please quit switching between 1st and 3rd person - very distracting.

I must agree with everyone else your story shows potential but you must stop switching between 1st and 3rd person, its really annoying and hard to follow. I almost gave up reading this story because of its errors. Please find an editor!! The story has promise and i like your ideas but it doesnt flow just yet. Looking forward to more polished writing! Good luck

Never thght I'd see the day where a writer slipped from 1st person to 3rd in a single sentence. You're in dire need of an editor, but I do love your plot and characters. I see a lot of myself in Angel; when she placed the backpack between them and thought what she did, I couldn't stop laughing! I said the exact same words of her thoughts before I read them. And Cullen throwing her backpack in the back just made me roll all over the place! Also, with her thinking they'd escaped from the psych ward and telling them to meet her at the North when she knew she'd be leaving through the South is another thing I would've done. She's a doll and I love her. I also really like that Cullen because he has his issues and isn't perfect. I never can/could get into perfect characters. When he had practically snatched the phone from her my first thought: 'Nigga back the fuck up!' Am I the only person that will call any race a nigger? Guess so because ignorant people by definition are niggers no matter what their skin tone is. And, in that moment, if I were Angel, Cullen would've gotten those words LMAO

I like your story.You are fun to read, but you can't just jump from one person to another, from narrating to personal speech .... Try to decide which one will it be

Great story but theinconsistent grammar makes it a bit annoying to read.

the switching voices/narration is annoying and confusing.

Great story!!!!!!! Needs work in grammar area....Looking forward to reading the rest.

if your not going to say anything nice don't say it at all , she's trying so give it some time and shutup please nobody perfect

I love it! I'm pretty sure that is what everyone would do.

Pls get yourself an editor... Writing well is difficult..n ur doin a fantastic job but the sudden shift in pov gets a lil confusing a lot of times...an editor can add the polish of perfection to ur wonderful story..:D

"And can you believe there are people out there, that actually write erotic stories about them and post their stories on a website? They must have really imaginative minds"

hahahahahaha lololol

or Angel for that matter yet

Soooooo. The incessant change between third and first person brings on a world of pain to my brain. And I suspect many if not most of your readers. When writing in first person, it is preferable that only one character and that character's thoughts be in first person. However, since it seems you want to express more than one person's thoughts, I suggest that maybe third person omniscient is the best choice for you. That means eliminating the use of "I" in your sentences not between italics. Just a thought for your future works. It would make them flow better. It might even be easier for your thought processes.