by TRIAX
You changed tenses, your use of the English language is atrocious, poor spelling abounds. I had to quit reading soon after she was captured. Awful! If English is your second language, you badly need an editor! I think you had a good idea, but execution lacks. 1*
It wasn't so bad, I thought. Sure, it needs some work, especially some characterisation. But in that respect it's no different that 80% of the wank fests in Literotica.
This story wouldn't get a 15-year-old virgin hard. The author should learn to spell, use grammar and write. Where did this crap come from, scribbled in crayon on brown paper bags?
Great story! Keep up the good work. I like the Macie's Revenge too, finally she settled the score!
great story, love the excitement of the rape...made me want to be there, keep up the great writing.