Until Then Ch. 05bymary915©
I blink a few times as I become aware of my surroundings. How did I get here? Why am I in the hospital? Why am I in so much pain right now?
My thoughts were interrupted when Nora walked in the room.
"Finally, you're up." She said with tear stained cheeks, hugging me in the process.
"What happened?" I asked her.
"Your boyfriend beat you up." she stated with a look of disgust.
"Jake would never." I denied.
"Holly, did he hit you that hard? I know you know Jake's done this. And I bet this isn't the first time."
"I'm not going to listen to this nonsense." I told her.
"Holly, don't let him abuse you. You can press charges,you know?"
"Nora he's a really nice guy. He's just been under a lot of stress at work and stuff like that. It's been hard for him. It's my fault. I need to make sure I please him right and take care of him better next time, that's all."
"Oh Holly..." She started with a sigh before I cut her off.
"Nora, i'm fine."
"No you aren't."
"I need to get home, when are they releasing me."
"Tomorrow morning, you need me to pick you up?"
"No, I'm sure Jake will."
"You need to dump him."
"Relationships are about sacrifice and commitment.
Every couple go through stuff."
"What's more important, your life or his happiness? Happiness can always return, your life can't."
"He's all I have. I mean, who else am I going to get. I'm not a pretty girl and you know that."
"That's not true, you're a beautiful girl. You just have to believe it." she told me with a knowing smile.
"I hate when beautiful women try to make someone feel pretty while flaunting their perfect everything."
"Perfect, oh how we all wish. I can't believe you don't think you're cute. You are such a cute girl.
It bothers me that you don't know that."
"I know i'm your sister and that you love me. I'm just not cute. I'm just a skinny plain Jane."
She rolled her eyes when I said that. Why does she care when she has supermodel looks? Sometimes I really want to hate Nora. Kind of hard to do when she's always so sweet.
***The Next Morning***
Today couldn't get here any quicker. Jake was nearly an hour late picking me up from the hospital even though I told him when to come in advance. I'm not going to confront him about it though. The last thing I need is a row with him.
The drive home was only 20 minutes yet it felt like hours. When we got home Jake didn't hesitate to start complaining. "I don't like your sister."
"You don't have to, she's MY sister."
"I don't want you hanging around her."
"Why not?" I asked.
"She's a bad influence."
"A bad influence? Jake are you serious? Come on." I told him, waving my hand in dismissal of his nonsense.
"I mean it, Holly."
"Oh so you know my name now? I was whore just a few days ago."
"Oh you still are." He spat.
"Be an asshole. What happened to you? You used to be so sweet and kind. Now you're always flying off the handle for whatever."
"I know things haven't been the same since your parents died five years ago but..."
"Atleast you have your parents."
"And I appreciate them very much. You were always giving your parents a hard time from what I seen."
"I was enough for them. They were never satisfied.
Right when I was fixing it, right when it was all just about on track, POOF, they're gone!"
"That's no excuse to get all in this depressed funk. You can't keep drinking away all your sorrows because when you're sober reality will sit back in."
"I'm thirsty, get me a drink." he announced, ignoring my advice and flopping down on our living room couch.
"Water coming right up." I told him cheerily, knowing that's not what he meant.
"No you idiot, a beer."
I ignore his request and decide to get him a bottle of water out the freezer. I tried giving it to him but he slapped it out of my hand.
"Are you that dumb that you can't get me a beer? A simple request and you act like you're mental."
"Yes, indeed you are."
"Just get the beer."
I got the beer and brought it to him quickly. I watched him as he took the top off and began drinking it. He glared up at me for a few seconds before saying "You're dismissed."
I walked away immediately to avoid conflict. My body still hurts from last time. I went upstairs and decided to lay down. Right when I was finally as comfortable as I can be Jake ruins it.
I sighed as I took my time getting out of bed and made my way downstairs into the living room. When I got close enough to him he spoke.
"Then fix yourself something." I told him.
"That's your job."
"Jake, I'm tired okay? You know any other day I would gladly cook for you and all that but I can't today."
"Because my body hurts. It's aching right now and it can't heal if you're calling me non-stop."
"Look, all I know is I'm hungry and the food is not going to fix itself."
"Chop chop." I told him, clapping my hands for inference.
"Holly I'm not playing."
"I'm going to bed."
"You're going to do whatever I tell you." he exclaimed in a dangerous tone.
"Now shall we redo this scene or have you come to your senses?" he asked with a sarcastic facial expression.
I didn't respond. I just looked at him.
"I said I'm hungry."
"What do you want?"
"Something simple." He barked.
I fixed him some spaghetti and brought it to him. I also provided him with a new beer as I knew he'd ask me for a new one eventually. I thought he'd be satisfied. Well, that's what I get for thinking.
"I told you I wanted simple, you ugly bitch!" He screamed.
I didn't get a chance to respond before the plate filled with spaghetti greeted my face.
***1 year later***
Lilith indeed gave Aaron a chance. They began dating and soon became engaged. I'm sure Nick is not invited to the wedding. Aaron got a job promotion, which required him to move to Nyc. Lilith decided to quit her job in order to support her man.
We still keep in touch even though I'm in Florida and she's in Nyc. Sarah and her daughters moved to California. Her girls want to become famous so I guess Hollywood is the place to go.
As for me i've been raising my baby girl. Aurora has inspired me in so many ways. I work at a nice, middle class hotel. Through training and other requirements I started out as manager. It feels nice to have some kind of income.
I couldn't afford the house I previously lived in though and downsized to a smaller one. It's still a nice house nonetheless. It's only a one bedroom but I'll settle for now since Aurora is only a year and a half old. She is growing up so fast.
Holly and Jake are still together despite my disapproval. She's been trying to throw me into the dating world lately. I mean, I am a 31 year old woman still without a ring on my finger. I don't mind though.
My focus is raising Aurora the best I can and keeping food on the table. She needs to be the one on edge. Mom promised she'll be in town some time this month to visit us and she is the ultimate critic. I hope she catches Jake in the middle of one of his love lessons that he gives Holly weekly.
Maybe then she'll leave him for good. Speaking of Holly, I haven't heard from her recently. I wonder what she's been up to. She turned 26 last week but spent her birthday working. Classic move for Holly.
I should be happy. I should feel relieved. Jake's out of town visiting his family. The majority of them live in Arizona. He's been there for a week in a half so far and will return home in about two days.
Up until now I've spent this time working, cleaning, avoiding lectures from Nora, and making sure I answer all of Jake's constant text messages and phone calls. It's like he never left. He's always here. Always. I decided to hit up the local mall and ran into a guy I went to college with here.
I don't know what I was thinking but I invited him
over my house and he accepted. I don't even remember his name. When we got there we sat on the living room couch and talked casually. Eventually I offered him a drink and he accepted. Wrong decision. By the time nightfall arrived we were drunk and laughing nonstop.
We were sitting next to each other on the couch at first before I took it upon myself to climb on his lap and straddle him. I should've stopped. But, I didn't.
"Tell me I'm beautiful." I whispered into his air with glassy eyes as his hands began to roam all over my body.
He didn't respond. He started kissing my neck and attempt to remove my shirt before I swatted his hand away. He then looked up at me.
"What?" he asked.
"Tell me I'm beautiful." I repeated.
"You're beautiful." he told me as he starting removing my clothes.
"Tell me I have worth."
"You have worth."
"Tell me you love me."
"I love you." he responded.
I know he didn't mean it. He couldn't possibly.
But, I didn't care. I needed to hear it. I needed someone to say it. I needed to feel wanted.
***The next morning***
I woke up naked on my bed. I quickly got up only to wince in pain. My vagina and headache reminded me instantly of yesterday's events. I took a brief shower, placed my hair in a messy bun, and threw on a jogging suit.
I went downstairs to find him(I forgot his name)
in my kitchen.
"I fixed breakfast." he told me with a smile.
"Oh that's rather nice."
He fixed french toast and eggs, simple but it looked tasty. We both grabbed a seat at the kitchen table and began eating. Towards the end of our meal he broke the ice.
"So where do we go from here?" he asked.
"From this one night stand?" I asked amused.
"You don't have to call it that."
"Well that's what it was." I told him.
He looked like he wanted to say something but changed his mind in the process.
"Ben." he answered.
"Look Ben, this was just a little hook up. There's no pressure for you to commit to a relationship or anything like that."
FUCK! Speaking of relationships, I have a boyfriend! Oh my god! Jake will kill me when he finds out! Wait a minute, he doesn't have to know.
I just need to stay on his good side and this will all be water under the bridge. That's it, that's all. Well that's at least what I hoped for. But of course, that didn't happen. And because of the unthinkable that eventually took place two months later, two lives came to an end.
Love can kill. Funny thing is, I never ever thought it would end up killing me. What started out as a one night stand ended up becoming something much more serious. I fell in love with Ben. He was so sweet and different. It was easy to start a romance with him because during Jake's visit to Arizona his father became terribly ill.
As a result, Jake stayed there with him to keep a close eye on him. I don't know how Jake found out about the affair and I don't know when he found out. All I know is that it's all my fault.
I never told Ben about Jake. According to his knowledge Jake doesn't even exist. One fateful day though changed everything. We were in my living room eating pizza and discussing work and before I know it Jake walks in on super speed.
He didn't say anything. But I knew from the minute we made eye contact, I was about to die. He knew about my infidelity. He knew everything. I never got to find out how or why he knew. All I know is that he did. He knew. He had a gun. He decided to use them. He killed Ben, and then he killed himself.
The scene traumatized me. It was almost as if I was watching a movie. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I didn't pack any clothes. I didn't pack anything. I walked out of that house, and I never came back. That was the day I died. That was the day I decided to go somewhere unknown. Somewhere where even my sister couldn't find me.
I'm waiting for the police to track me down. I know they'll have questions. But, I won't have answers. You can never stop the inevitable though.
They'll find me, it's bound to happen. That's okay. One day i'll be ready. But right now i'm afraid. Is this a dream? Did all of this really happen? I'll know soon enough, and then this will all be over.