by LanceinBermuda
This is your wife, your soul mate, the mother of your kids, good luck.
Well written, but it's only that! A writer describing a sexual act, as another writer would describe a match or a play...We don't feel real people, real feelings...maybe a better thing to be done, was the writer to have chosen to put here one of the stories he sent to this couple!!
I would only say that a move from past to present tense jarred somewhat. But the actual story was fun, and it didn't make the mistake of rushing to the main event. I always think that a slow buildup is the best, so the reader can get into the story properly (and the mood!). Write more.