All Comments on 'Walking the Fine Line'

Kind of sad in a way, but well done.

DJ

till oys gone

This dudes not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is he?

Kind of stays in line with so much of todays perceptions of men. You know, like in commercials, sit-coms, and such. Most men are portrayed as genial idiots, without a clue as to what the rulers of their lives (women) are all about, and too stupid to know it. I hope he finds Alene, and maybe gets a second chance at love, or should I say third chance.

Tim C.

but who knows what. I can't hardly imagine someone as fickle as that. He can't love any of them. It sounds like High School.

Will he wise up suddenly??

No real feelings between these people come through in this story. I don’t think I ever even read the word love in this story of Loving Wives.

They were never in love as was explained by his statement:

“Our engagement was real romantic, one day I mentioned that we were together so much we might as well be married, she smiled and said, "OK!" and that was how that happened.”

There was no expectation or even a promise of love between them, just good friends with perks:

“There was none of this promise to be true to each other or any of that, we had both been around the block and back and we both knew about each other's antics during the last few years before we got married. None of that even came up, I was faithful and completely content with it, Dotty seemed the same way.”

This is a story of two people sharing a place not a marriage as he emotionlessly stated:

Our life was pretty good, I suppose the word is...normal?

He didn’t care if she fucked other people he just didn’t like Jerry as he stated:

“I suppose some men would go off the deep end, the fact that Dotty had had sex didn't bother me as much as who she had sex with, I just could not see her spreading her legs for Jerry.”

This story lacks any real emotion being shown by these characters and it leaves you not caring about any of them. It’s just more a bunch of people dropping their pants whenever a sexual erg comes over them.

I think the writing is good but the story just leaves me cold. There is no involvement of love or passion or any real pain, just disappointment.

Thanks for the story

pretty wide in this story. Even if he was not smart there were some striking problems with this story.

(1) He is concerned about being faithful but he is not

concerned with who Dotty is fucking.

(2) He does not ask Dotty what she has been doing during

her absence, why she left him and why she came back.

(3) He goes looking for Alene but why should she take him

back? He knew so little of her that he could only check

strip clubs?

(4) Apparently, Dotty, Jerry and Tina conspired to set up

Dan so Dotty could "fuck all of his friends." Tina

"ran" into him in the bathroom so she could be caught

by Dotty. Then Dotty fucks Jerry the same night of the

party apparently in revenge. She "forgives" Dan a

month later but leaves him when he could not perform

in bed. Lastly, Dotty shows up after Dan fucks Tina.

Since they live 6 blocks from Jerry and Tina they

probably knew about Dan and Alene. Dan seem to have no

clue.

Bottom Line: The characters seem pretty pathetic. Dotty was a angry slut who hated her husband. Alene fall in love with Dan but fails to let him know that she was not fucking during her private sessions (a natural assumption given her job). Alene having heard Dan's story did not challenge Dotty's return. Dan seems to only be concerned with someone being with him (poor baby is all alone!). Throughout the story there is no real explanation why the characters did what they did therefore no emotional connection with the reader. Dan is just another hapless fool and we are wondering why we are reading about him.

75% for writing but -50% for story content.

SleeplessinMD

With the poor comments. As anyone can tell from the last three lines, that was an outline for more, and I hit the "submit" button instead of "review" again.

We need one of those little popup windows that says "Do you really REALLY want to submit?"

Oh well.

I will go write something else, by the way, this one was about 80% true...LoL.

MGM

Please do a part two so this story can have an ending.

Good story, Is there a part 2

To bad it was a mistake. Personally, I like the ending as it is. I think you should leave it alone. He fucked up and must learn to live with the consequences. That's real, that's life.

Because Dan is an idiot! A follow up story may be appropriate.

Boyd

With the exception of Alene, they all deserve each other. If that was you goal author, you certainly succeeded.

Mostly I feel sorry for Alene. She apparently fell for Dan, knowing both that he wasn't divorced, and this was a rebound relationship (which rarely produces a lasting relationship), and she wound up with a broken heart that she didn't deserve (probably not for the first time either).

Do more of these stories about immoral alcoholics and call it the 'White Trash Chronicles'. It will be a hit. It's like 'My Name is Earl', only without any likable characters

I actually liked some parts of the story. The guy is a dipshit, the wife is a slut, the friends have no redeeming value and the stripper is the only "good" person in the story. Funny how a stripper could be the hero huh?

Anyway, had you fleshed this out a bit more. More vengence on the husband's part toward his wife and ex friends, and more regret than you actually did show for him it may have been even better.

I suppose an additional chapter might accomplish all of that but personally if I were you I would just move on to my next.

Thanks for your efforts.

Charleybear

Still, my goal was to get into how a broken relationship can spiral downwards, sometimes even when the relationship really isn't that strong or important.

We all read of the murder-suicide cases that result from just such a situation, how depression can lead to abuse of substance and self.

This was going to be rather lengthy, then it got away from me while I was fixing typos, still barely outlined. (Dang submit button..LoL)

So I did a 2nd short chapter with some redemption. We shall see if that helps, if not? I may even do a complete rewrite, but then I may just go pout.

On to the next thought.

master manipulator jerry is!

he want dan's wife. can't get dotty, faithful. so he has to make her husband break. months work, and finally jerry's wife tina gets dan when he is drunk - and the dotty happens to be nearby. yeah, revenge sex with the wife!

dan and dotty break up.

then dan gets alene. alene rejects jerry, and dan fights him. they must pay!

so jerry tells his now lover dotty about them. she "reconciles" with dan, and alene is gone. meanwhile jerry is fuking dotty still. finally dan finds out, dumps dotty - but alene is gone.

you could have made it more explicit if you gave a reason. does jerry hate dan so? or did jerry just want dotty at first? and why did tina and later dotty go along?

I think Charleybear said just about everything I was going to say. The only minor difference is that I would describe the husband as an ass-hole rather than a dipshit. The story is well written, but the plot--ugh 60 year old George

This story is excellent.The author has either grown up, or in another way lived, among the people whose lives he describes. These people are of the lower-middle class. They perform their jobs in order to live; their extra time is their's. This story is one of struggle to live and survive, and at the same time try to get some enjoyment from life. The author writes freely about the lives of the poor/near poor and little educated. I must say that in a way this story is a welcome change from the usual "loving wives" story in which the husband is a CEO or upper management guy of a financial corporation, he has a wife and mistress, and everything else that the early 21 century has to offer the rich and powerful.I would like to read more stories related to this other half of society, this including some immigrant stories and the struggles that have had to endure. RAG.

hell caused by a shallow brained slut. Finds a woman worth keeping and goes back with the slut. He isnt just stupid he is as they say mentally challenged. Tina was a stripper and his wife had her as a best friend. Got to think about that a long time. His new girlfriend was a stripper and he didnt want her with guys, kinda mentally challenged here arent we. A baseball bat would even size and strength with Jerry. Fucking Tina was probably the worst thing he could have ever done! You know those AIDS test for a year or so get very tiring. And after he knew his ex was fucking around he still had sex with her, get real!

This has to be the biggest loser in the world.If something happen to him he get drunk, if someone does something to him he rewards them. How can anyone feel sorry for him.

Well put together. I will say yeah to all that Charley Bear

said and just mention that it is nice to not have the central figure a Navy Seal!

I don't like to be a troll so I usually don't say this but in this case I have to. This story sucked.

Awaiting a sequel ;-)

magma's comment re murder and suicide. As a manual worker all my working life though; I resent the submitted comment implying we would all have been too thick to have grabbed the tart's arms and moved her so we could get out of the loo?

Good idea to stay sober if driving home too.

I don't even remember a time when I enjoyed story and writer so much. Thank you. "5*" !

Thanks for sharing. Now for Ch2.

LOL - we get so dick st00pid sometimes -

Really good one -

Very moving. He screwed up big time. Thanks.

than your ego and brain...Be satisfied with what you have and not what you think you want. TK U MLJ LV NV

The "hero," of this story isn't a very likable guy and he sure as hell isn't very smart.

he didn't cheat, he sees her fucking Jerry and some how he takes the slut back. you had him dump a good woman just to be cheated on again by the whore. When one door closes another one opens. Leave the fucking door closed. To me, men are dumb over fucking women, but dumb and stupid are two different things.

For stupidity. The fact that he let her back in the house after the party shows that he deserves a bullet between the eyes. Do humanity a favour, people that moronic drag the rest of us down. And don't give me any forgiveness crap. Thats a construct of a religious cult, to make themselves feel morally superior. When someone wrongs you, you teach them the error of their ways, so they won't do it again. Forgivness is just an invitation to them to wrong you again, because they know there will be no repercussions.

Anyone that gives away their self-respect just because they are afraid of being alone is a loser. If someone doesn't love the person you are, then you shouldn't be with them. Why change who you are? That just tells the world that even you don't think you are worthy as a person, so why should they treat you with respect? Why are people so childish in their thinking when it comes to being an intelligent adult? Can't live without them? Fucking grow up.

Sad for most of the reasons presented in the comments. Depressing!

couldn't get past all the G D's

pathetic sounding, didn't come close to reading natural.

based on ur limited vocab,,the story probably not worth reading either.

1 star.

whatta wasted attempt to wanna be author

nuther 1 star to the magma faux man

I wasn't clear to me how our hero knew Dotty had left for good the first time.

more like draggin".. TK U MLJ LV NV

Stupid taking Dottie back!

So much BS in this story, it's hard to believe I read it.

Of course, if they are REALLY STUPID they will let the right (wrong, really) one skin them three times.

That was a strong.little story. Not quite sure who to blame, but seems.mostly on Dottie. He took.her back, and it didn't stick.

4-stars

Stupid people are real boring.

Thanks for quitting.

There was zero point to this, like most of your shit stories.

if you dont like a story just move on to another

It's like watching Peep Show, but without any jokes.

Choose your Wife and friends carefully.

Sad story.

What a cartoon of a character.. did he land on his head at birth?

Chump.

I feel like I've just read a Bukowski poem. I need a hot shower with steel wool.

Do better. I feel like I wasted time

Two fuck ups who were made for each other but some how end up apart. Go figure!