by Britease
Great story I loved the ins and outs and maybe's but in the end it worked out well Trouble is if you have a girl like Mary EVERYONE else wants her as well I will read all of your stories Have to give you comments as anonymous because Mr Lit will not let me join up (jaybee186)
You have two settings.
1.) Entertaining and funny stories.
2.) Absolute flaming shite.
Sadly, this is the second one.
What a tangled web… I found this tale to be top shelf. The plot was engaging and agile. Dave was the most interesting character I have met in a while. I enjoyed the way he could fib his way into a jackpot and his propensity for mucking up the program was a treat. His use of the epithet ‘You stupid cow!’ was my favorite. I suspect he has a tiger by the tail with Mary. I’d bet it won’t be a dull ride.
I’m reluctant to try to correct English grammar, especially to it’s proprietors, but I’ve seen this a couple of times now. I was taught that when comparing plural subjects, one should limit use of ‘between’ to no more than two; more than that, ‘among’ is correct. Nitpicking, I know, but a peeve for me. It sounds smoother to me. Smoove and toight, bruv.’ Matches your style.
This had its moments but other times was muddled. How does he end up severe trauma to the back of the head and it is from "falling"? Wouldn't thr piloted at least investigate after he woke up? Why if Gwen is singing praises of the MC's prowess in his bed, does she keep on f$cling Mike, who, while she is attracted to and he is a player, he almost certainly isn't as good (cf. Mary)? And why if you plan to have revenge sex for a group of husband's who cheated on you, do you pick a swap of those husbands? I guess two of them already were in a long affair. So that is a wash. But wouldn't Jilly be pissed off that her lover and husband were f$cking someone else? Wouldn't she want to try someone new? I get why the execrable bitch Gwen would do it once, but why keep doing it? Even to the point thar Mike nearly and in his skull before he discovered her and she refused to then go see her husband all that much in the hospital? What she got a case of limerence over Mike, doing all sorts of dirty things, with a guy that yes she had the hots for and wanted to f$ck in a revenge f$ck, but then when her husband got left out of the weird swapping mess because of Mary's cold feet, well she just keeps on screwing Mike, even though she raved about the MC to the other wives before? Seriously, she is execrable. Mike cold cocked her husband, out him in serious danger in the hospital and all she can think about is continuing to f$ck Mike? How is that going to play you stupid batch? And why would Kim sleep with Nick? Again that is inane. All the husbands and Mike cheated. So why the swap fof revenge? Yes it is a story but seems preposterous in real life. Even Jilly would.want revenge on both. Kim made zero sense. Mary backs out. But Gwen already did the deed with Mike and is somehow hooked? Whatever. 3.5 stars but could have been better. Not sure why people would expect the MC to not put Mike in the hospital. The asshole stole his wife, ruined his marriage, and nearly killed him.
@nixrox,
It may be up to you as to whether 'he gets a pass on the violence' in your world, but if infidelity leads to violence, too fucking bad, I say. Literature, TV and film are full of it.
You're not the moral police, despite what you think.
Dominos
First knocks down second etc. If he kept his pecker in his pants then what?
3 stars for a average BTB.
You get a pass on the violence, because the MC was just returning the pain he received from Mike.
Stories are good but you mix up your characters' names in this one. For instance Gwen calls Dave Mike.
Can't get any empathy for MCs who drink like that. One or two drinks when out. Three if have designated driver.
Alcohol and brain cells working is diametrically opposite
I know these are old stories but on a scale of 1 to 10 I would give them a strong 8. Why not higher? Hoping you might get the urge to submit another story.
What a load of crap.If four women want a revenge shag,they aren't going to choose the husbands of the group thats not revenge but more pleasure for the husbands.
This was a pretty good story. Wish you have someone had proof read the story as names got switched a could times and a few grammar problems too. But still good to read..
How many babies did Mike and Mary give her Dad? She may dress slutty but she is a one man at a time woman.... maybe!
Gwen was a real piece of work. Exacts emotional pain on thr husband, multiple infidelities with Mike before the "fishing" trip, then an ongoing affair, involved in the coverup that landed her husband in the hospital, and her utter disdain for her husband while he is in the hospital is just beyond. Wow. A truly nasty LW.
Like this series. Always some situation that isn't prefab or comtrived. Nice writing and very entertaining and casual for the most part. Thanks for sharing.
Huh? To the commenters below who despise the MC for not sucking it up and taking his punishment: did you read the story? Gwen was already cheating with Mike before thr fishing trip. And then was having an ongoing affair with Mike after the trip. That was months. At least up to and including when Mike sent him to the hospital and probably right up until he got out. How is that equal? Gwen was a slut. And he can have fun with Mary. He doesn't need to get back into a marriage any time soon. Besides she didn't join thr stupid swap revenge plot. She had more morals than all the other women.
He fucks up, then cry, cry, cry. What afucking baby. If you can not take it,don't fuck up.
Really liked first part of story but felt rushed at the end. Would have liked to have seen more depth at end to wrap the story up.
Love that our Guy Dave got the best end of the deal and got the Young, Beautiful, Free Spirited Mary. The fact that he seemed to get the Best potential Job also feels very good. Too often in real life the Good Guy gets Screwed over, possibly for the rest of his life.
Weak. Weak Mc. Weak response. Weak choice at the end as Mary is likely to disappoint. Weak ending. Weak retribution for Gwen. Weak cuckold Mc. Blah.
Great story. But came up a little short on the ending. What was the final reaction from all the cheaters, especially Gwen & Mike?
Brilliant story I loved it an well done Dave yeah he cheated but didn’t put his wife in hospital. Personally I wouldn’t cheat I’ve more respect for my bf but the way I see it is she either forgives or divorces what she did an how she did it was cruel
So, in revenge for the 3 husbands and 1 boyfriend picking up some strange extramarital sex, the 3 wives each agreed to shag one of the other offenders?! I guess that does keep the 2+1 guys "on the reservation", but...
Brexit and Boris Johnson make more sense now -- anything to avoid reality.
Nice
Your a diabolical soul Brit. And this was a great tale. Now I just realized there are other tales in this great tale.. I will check them out.
Five Stars
Dave...how the fuck can someone be so stupid, ignorant and wimpy. Fuck him
....what a mess. I somehow lost track of who was shagging who and for what reason....
and you've never felt this way before!!!??? Or did he. TK U MLJ LV NV
Ah the man is bulletproof and made of Teflon. All that and he still ends up with the best end of the story.
This was a great story where the husband gets rid of his cheating wife and crooked partners, and then hooks up with a rich girl all at the same time. Lucky man.
I need to add more because stories like this bother me. There is a fine line between a plot driven story and a character driven story. This is on the cusp.
First, Gwen is clearly cheating trash and so are the friends. The men are all pussy hounds and don't give a fuck up to and including potentially murdering their supposed friend and husband just to keep the bullshit going. So.. why? Why are they like this? Why is Dave so oblivious to the behavior of everyone around him. Further, how are they so uncaring about destroying someone they all supposedly care about? They PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL. Do they know just how hard to hit him? Gwen claims she loves him and his friends supposedly care about him. Where is the evidence that they all secretly despise him because that is the only explanation that makes sense.
As for Mary, she is a pathetic cock tease but she has standards? Uh huh, I call bullshit. There is teasing and then there is reluctance play. Mary engages in the latter. There is also some sort of borderline humiliation game going on knowing she makes men feel powerless. NEVER EVER EVER get involved with someone like that. They are always narcissistic and self involved. At some point they always get bored with their games and need to push the envelope to obtain their high. That idiot will eventually go too far and fuck up her life.
The real story here is Dave is borderline mentally retarded.
"It might seem pretty obvious to you lot out there reading this drivel"
That pretty sums up this story. Its completely obvious and telegraphed.
Happily ever after.Even though it could lead to a premature demise.
Having been knocked out by a pool stick wielding barroom lizard and given a concussion, I would not settle for less. Oh, wait, the seven iron. That maybe needed more details in the telling. I know four brothers who are sharing a fifth brother's wife. And she has three children...one each from three of the brothers.
How do the wife's get their revenge for their husbands cheating by fucking one of the other husbands?.
The Gwen in this story reminds me of that old saying. Life's a bitch then you marry one.
You nailed it when you called your story, "drivel". Entirely too much of a convoluted mess. I couldn't come close to stretching my disbelief far enough to stay interested.
I realize most of your stories are meant to be light-hearted and humorous, but this seemed to fall flat on it's face.
Really convaluted story. Doesn't make a lot of sense. Swapping spouses to get their evens is probably the stupidest thing I can imagine. Face it, Gwen is slut. Just waiting for her chance to fuck Mike. He is better off without her.
What a load of crap.Why would the women seek their revenge by fucking the guilty parties and not some strangers.?
He did put Mike in the hospital and ended up with the rich girl. Can't beat that.
Drunk excuse who held him down and poured it down his throat
Twisted his arms and made him go to hotel etc
Sorry for Mary no real man for her
Needs a further epilogue as to what happened to Gwen,Ike, and the rest. What’s there charges against hubby for hitting Mike. Did Gwen and Mike get together.in effects what happened!
Anybody see any ? Because I sure as hell don't. The divorce is not Revenge
The divorce is the consequence of her actions and her extramarital schemes.
So again where is the revenge?
First, this is a cute little story- no, it really is. Second, let's be honest; we'd all like to fry our former spouses at the stake, find a great wife with a huge paycheck attached to her wallet. Third, to actually LOVE the woman with the attached paycheck!
There's a few thing's slightly different between the socialized company building systems in the UK and the United States- it's distracting, but this does have the making of a good "Indie" movie I think. Why not try for a rewrite script and make it?
was fun but I'd keep some money put away in case Mary gets frisky with someone else. As to the wife, the minute she walks out the door saying she's going to get even, I suggest packing his shit and hitting the road.
Longer tale of BTB that we're used to be Britease, but nonetheless a fun read.
Hard to believe how clueless Dave was, but, at least, he never let go of his bad feeling about the whole thing.
Still wondering how the wives learned about their men's weekend adventure... probably part of the setup, who knows.
So yeah - fun for the whole family, that was. Very dysfunctional family, but still...
of the frying pan into the fire.
You young lads, among other factors, if you don't marry a public exhibitionist, your chances of having a faithful wife are much improved. As always, do not confuse good time girls with wife material.
like this guy's style.He does need to be sure about names getting muddled though.
You really seem to have trouble with names this time it's Mike and Dave that got changed around on page 3.
Considering how little time you must spend on proofreading to get such an obvious thing as a character's name wrong, it's surprising that there are so few other msitakes
Dave?
Yeh it's Dave
Daves not here.
No it's me Dave, I'm Dave.
Dave?
Yeh it's me, Dave.
Daves not here man
copywriter Cheech & Chong. Big Bamboo
and now its off to find enemies. TK U MLJ LV NV
there was just enough depth to give faces to everyone, and not too much to get confused. I'm not sure how I like the ending, a bit of mixed emotions I guess. I usually prefer a couple to get back together if possible, usually the amount of time married lends itself that way. the story was nicely done.
I got to say that I really enjoyed reading this story. what I liked the most was the fact that Dave's wife Gwen got of better than she would have if I had been Dave. but all in all the story surely rated a 5 from me . Damn good job writing this story.
Actually, I thought the exhibitionist parts of the tale were more interesting than the LW sections... and so, "it's in the wrong category"...
Or not.
Great fun.
Green-something
(playing the lead as a goober is a classic technique - see Candide. Does suggest that this might be a satire....)
between legal and moral and many mates are involved, TK U MLJ LV NV
I gave 5*****. However I like story ends with babies..............from the new wives.
First, with the huge Halloween story contest, they have been backlogged. It took more than a week for my story to show.
HOWEVER...that is not the reason your story has not posted. You are writing an continuation of another author's work and he has NOT given you permission to do so.
I have played in other kid's sandboxes. I always sought permission first. And if I cheat and try to stick an epilogue in the comment section, I do it with the understanding that I am violating their rights and that they are fully justified in cutting my remarks.
Pissing off the author in the comments is a great example of how NOT to get permission.
And writing amped up, revenge driven continuation stories for authors who have more...reflective sensibilities is something else which will make it less likely to get permission. Suzy Derkins RARELY lets Calvin in her sandbox because she KNOWS how Calvin is.
Excellent twist on BTB theme. Fun to read and the quasi-good guy wins out in the end.
Face it they were both cheating low life's. Why Gwen didn't just fuck Mike and gotten her revenge fuck(s) on the sly is a bit obscure, but definitely wouldn't have been nearly as much fun to read.
I was about to jump ship thinking it was yet another case of wife punishing husband. but the setting and dialogue held my attention, and when the full story came out it was worth it.
Cantbymy,------- This one sat there for a couple of weeks at least before it was published. Maybe they're all on holiday over there.
It all comes across as perfectly possible, even if improbable, which is the way these stories ought to be.
I don't comment very often but I really liked this story. Had a good story line and kept my interest. I could think of a number of ways this story could have gone. Of course every author has a right to their opinion. Story gives me ideas, haha.
Again a good read.
DG Hear
A little far fetched but it was a good read. Basically a bunch of cheating assholes with the most chaste of the crowd getting together in the end. Bottom line, however, is that revenge fucks don't save a marriage.
a well written story and an enjoyable read.
Thanks
I would have liked it more if the chap had been a bit less feckless. Gulping, coughing, blushing, stammering. What happened to the stiff upper lip?
I have little hope that his future is going to be merry with Little Miss Display as his new paramour. And he dare not quit with daddy holding the purse strings.
The logistics, as written, are not propitious, because of the way the 'evening out' from fishing, plus the strange women ... BUT ... with a little pencil maneuvering, BritEase could have had the precipitating tryst be a set-up by a couple of the male and female mates (including Sweetie) to which Sweetie could react, because she helped Hubby feel guilty!
Excellent nonetheless, even though my thirst for conspiracy theories was not quenched!
5*
All I got out of the story is that all of them are idiots.
Mary obviously doesn't know less is more. With the way she was dressed, guys are going to treat her as she present herself...like she is employed on the local corner waiting on her Johns. I'm guessing she is a pretty girl so walking around in public with her tits and ass hanging out is so trashy.
5 stars. It was stories like this that got me hooked on LW. Interesting premise, love gone bad, betrayal, discovery, revenge, moving on to a brighter future. Snappy pace and good dialogue. Thanks!
An excellent pre-supper yarn. Food for thought. Stretching credibility to the most fractious of offside decisions it just held the line in my opinion...
The man's on fire. 5*
Comedy and humor in this usually downbeat genre is not for the timorous of soul. The jokes started strong, things started to take a dive but voila ! Big comeback because Britease doesn't quit.
I thought the characters of traitorous partners could have been developed more, especially Mike. Iago that villain up just a bit. The isolated scenes with conniving wife & narrator's befuddled internal dialogue were outstanding. Britease really has a master's touch with those conflagulating confrontations.
I'm giving full marks, despite the aforementioned hiccups. The well struck endgame and my suppressed snorts sparked from ' we have to talk ' power plays just could not be denied.
Despite The Arsenal going down to Chelsea - we are now 5 points ahead of the league - and in first place !!!
Liked your story (and your other ones) it's a bit 'telling' that your so called mates fuck you over like that,eh ?
Hopefully the young Driscoll girl will prove to be better than the lying pondlife Gwen..
(Good Irish name there..)
Let's hope that you continue to write more stories - and that Mesut & Ramsay do the business,covering for an useless Bendtner and Walcott !! :-))
.... not much. How is it the guy always falls with his bum in the butter?
This was a terrific little tale. I get tired of the; came home early, saw them in my bed, bought a lot of electronic shit, planned a big revenge, blah, blah, blah...
Do I get to be the first to comment on this story? Lucky me. I enjoyed it. It has an interesting twist on the revenge-seeking-wife story. It is vastly better than the tie-the-guy-to-the-bed stories.
Like Abe Lincoln said about speeches being like skirts: long enough to cover the material, but short enough to be interesting.