WWFBBWMMF

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Author's Note:

Many thanks to my fabulous editor Rip_isback, who pointed out that I hadn't settled on a first name for may main character, among many other boo boos and aw shits. Thanks a bunch, Rip! In terms of the story, it's mostly true until AFTER the strip club. Swear to God it is!

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You never know what crazy plans this universe has for you. I couldn't have guessed this one in a hundred years. I play that Words With Friends game on my phone to pass the time, in line at the store or on the pot or whatever. While I'll admit I may have chosen a few random strangers based on the amount of skin they show in that little profile picture, I never expected to get into any of it in real life.

Her picture may have been tiny, but the cleavage was undeniably impressive. You couldn't tell much more -- brunette, glasses, Caucasian, between thirty and fifty...probably. Hey, it's a tiny picture! I especially liked the choker necklace, or maybe a thin scarf. It suggested a hint of bondage, actually. Based on her average word score she was a near match for me so she wasn't an idiot. Hey, the mind is the sexiest organ. Usually, anyway. So why not? I started a game and she accepted, and over the next week we played probably a half dozen games before the texting started up. She was upset that I landed a 108 point word on her.

Janet: That wasn't nice!

Noah: I'm not a nice man.

J: I guess not! You should be nicer to ladies.

N: I'm nice to ladies who are nice to me.

J: Maybe that can be arranged! LOL!

N: For the right incentive, I'll play three letter words every time

J: Yeah? And what kind of incentive might that be?

N: There's no app for THAT!

J: LOL!

That kind of thing went on for a little while, light flirting and suggestive chit-chat. It's the internet, that's what it's for, apparently. I didn't expect any more than that, but after another week or so she filled out her profile, or opened it up for viewing or something, because her state of residence started displaying, and it was the same as mine.

Noah: Hey, state-neighbor! I didn't realize we were both Buckeyes.

Janet: I noticed your location. Made me update mine.

N: Uh oh. I got a stalker.

J: You wish.

N: A man can hope. So if this isn't too creepy -- where in Ohio?

J: Chagrin Falls, home of Calvin and Hobbes.

N: Holy crap! I'm in Moreland Hills!

I kid you not, she was one town away. That night I checked my settings to see if that was somehow being shown on my profile. Not like I am wary of stalkers, but it felt strange. I don't trust coincidence, but apparently that's all it was. In our many chats we had discussed that our kids were in boy scouts and I knew people in her neighborhood who were in scouts, so we started comparing notes.

We had some acquaintances in common, we became Facebook friends, and we scoured each other's pics for people and places we knew. It became a little odd that we hadn't run into each other at a scout function. Hell, maybe we had and just didn't notice each other.

What I gained most from this process of mining her public social media was an appreciation for the woman's figure. Mainly her cleavage. Those were some epic tits. She was a bit heavy but not oppressively so. Being a mother of three you couldn't expect her to be some bikini model, and I appreciate the lines of an actual woman, not anorexic fashion model types. OK, that's a lie, I appreciate the hell out of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. But let me reiterate -- those tits were bigguns! I'm not normally a boob man or anything specific like that, but breasts this size are head turners no matter what you like. It was a little hard to tell the full scope of her attributes as she seemed to be the primary picture taker, but I was damned curious to find out more.

The chatting continued, now with a closer frame of reference, and with the added danger that we could actually act, if we so wished, on some of the flirty things were saying. I didn't expect it to go that way and I wasn't trying to start anything, I swear!

What lit the fuse was a rare few weeks I had alone at the house. My wife was headed out of town to spend some time with her family back in Texas. She took our boy with her since it was summer break. I won't go into details about why she was leaving, but 'shitty marriage' sums it up pretty well. Now you understand why I was flirting with strangers.

I wasn't a happy guy those days and with the ball and chain gone, I felt like having some fun. I bragged about my plans to go to a titty bar the coming weekend.

Noah: FREEDOM! The wife is away so I shall play! Any suggestions for a good strip club in the area?

Janet: My husband and I like Secrets over on the west side of Cleveland, but that's a long drive. The Mustang Ranch is closer, but kinda so-so. Funny, hubs and I were just thinking of doing that ourselves this weekend.

N: No kidding? Wow. I was halfway kidding. You two do that a lot?

J: Almost never since the kids, but when we get the chance...

N: The fact that you'll go there with the hubs is great. I have to be creepy and go alone.

J: Yeah, you are plenty creepy. LOL

N: So why do you go to the titty bars?

J: I like dem tiddies! LOL

N: You just need to look down! You've got an epic rack there, darlin.

J: I sure do, thanks for noticing! The club gets my man in the mood, and all that nakedness works on me too I guess. I love being a mom but it cuts into my time to be a woman, you know? So I need to pack it in heavy when I can. The titty bar is just like a turbo charger for the rest of the evening. I get SO MUCH SEX after the titty bar.

N: Hell, I can't blame you. OK, you swayed me. I think I'll check out Secrets on Saturday night.

J: You might even see my breast friends! They tend to come out at the club.

N: No kidding? Do the dancers tip you?

J: LOL! No, but they should, right?

A few more texts made it clear that she and her husband were headed there too, and then it actually did get creepy. She was including her husband on all this chit-chat, so there was nothing sneaky on her end. That meant I was either an interesting potential friend and they just have a high tolerance for creepy, or they were looking for something. I started wondering if I was being vetted for some kind of extra-curricular activity, and that made me examine my motives and expectations.

What if they wanted to add some extra dick to their sexual diet? And just what would that look like? I am comfortable with all shades of sexuality in others but I am fairly straight myself. My roommate and I spit roasted a hot little co-ed in college, but our dicks weren't near long enough to touch in the middle so I've never had to worry about rubbing dicks with another guy. After some rumination I decided why the hell not? I hadn't touched a woman in months and I was getting awfully damn needy. I was OK with being a third wheel if that's what they wanted, and if everything worked out alright and out didn't get creepy. If her husband wanted some man-on-man action, I'd have to decline.

I decided I was overthinking it and it was probably nothing. Saturday arrived and I made myself busy around the house, finally doing some long-neglected chores and keeping busy. If the wife did come back and we did have some life left in our marriage, I might as well make an effort and hit some of the items on her wish list. And if not, it'd make the house easier to sell.

That evening I cleaned up, shaved even, and headed out to the club. It was a bit of a drive and I actually passed the other nightclub on my way. It was indeed a little bit shady, even outside. When I arrived at Secrets it was...well, classy strip clubs are few and far between, but this one at least didn't look skeezy. OK, it looked less skeezy than the Mustang Ranch.

Ten bucks cover and a two drink minimum, my first twenty dollar bill was gone before my ass landed in a seat. The place was busy but not annoyingly so and I was able to get a seat off to the side with a good view of all three stages. I was quickly impressed by the scenery. Two dancers were on the stages, one down to her g-string and the other still teasing out the goods from behind a skimpy bikini top. Around the room several other girls worked the crowd and in the far corner the semi-private lap dance area was dark and inviting. Bass thumped from the PA through my chest and the aromas of cheap beer and cheap perfume filled the room.

I enjoyed the sights and sounds and spent fifty bucks for a couple of songs in the lap dance room from a lady who danced as Amber. She was wafer thin with high fake tits the size of grapefruits and narrow hips that made me want to bend her over. That was nice, especially her hard little tush. If you like them thin and firm, that was the girl. That's not normally my type but Amber had a certain sump'n that really sent a jolt down my boxers. I've noticed that stripers come in three types -- the ones that you'd really rather not see, the ones who are perfect for the strip club because you want to spend a few minutes with their naked bits and then be done, and the ones you want to take home and seriously defile. I could have done some unclean things to that girl. But she was all business and I was back in the main room in a hurry after our dance was over. Shortly after my encounter with Amber, Janet and her husband John showed up.

She was shorter than I thought, and he taller. Maybe five foot two for her and well over six foot for him. He had a couple inches on me and maybe fifty pounds. I keep my dad bod at bay with a little home gym in the basement, but John was just a big boy.

I was finally in the same room with those tits! Wow! Janet had a little extra here and there, but the bra that kept those puppies in check had to be a tremendous piece of engineering. They might not have been the biggest I've ever seen, but they remain the biggest I've ever enjoyed first hand. Actually, they require two hands. She wore a low-slung blouse that looked real easy to pull aside for access. The long line of cleavage on display was heavenly.

They went to the bar for some brews and then moved to the edge of the final stage. Her head was on a swivel looking for me, but the pole dancer arrived before I could catch her eye. The dancer with the small tits was as drawn to Janet's cleavage as I was, and quickly she was face-deep in that bosom. Understandably, Janet and her husband focused on the stripper and forgot all about me.

I enjoyed the dual show, and sure enough Janet's tits flew out of that blouse in a hurry as the stripper helped. John tucked several bucks and the stripper returned one of them down Janet's cleavage. The dancer gave John a little love too and then she moved on with a blown kiss to Janet. I picked up my beer and went to the dance stage across from them. She saw me coming and elbowed her husband to get his attention away from the dancer. She leaned in to him and said something, impossible to hear at that distance with the blaring music. I raised my drink in a mute salute and they replied in kind. Then I had a stripper in my face and I had to deal with that.

I figured if they wanted to chat then we'd need to go someplace else as it was way too loud in there, but if we were just there for tits and ass then we didn't need to talk. A few more strippers flowed past, some better than others, and I started working through the stack of singles I had brought. About every third dancer managed to get Janet's tits out of her blouse. Wowsers. Those nipples were enormous. At some point I may shut up about her tits, but not soon.

The hottest girl in the place got up on the first stage and I started planning my next lap dance. She was mighty fine. I'm flexible in what I like in a woman, but if I were allowed to craft my own unique sex goddess she'd look an awful lot like this one. She had big blonde hair, full and flowing, that maybe triggered a memory of the Farrah Fawcett poster on my bedroom wall during my formative years. She had a slim waist, a womanly swell at the hips, long legs, and her plastic surgeon had done a wonderful job on those big fake tits.

The place worked in layers of clothing. On the first stage, the girls wore some kind of sheer top over the lingerie, a skimpy cutoff shirt, or some other item that would come off as she moved on. At stage two the tits were out but there was more clothing left to be removed, and upon the third song and graduation to stage three it was g-string only. Dakota, her stage name, wore a big cowboy hat, a comically strained white t-shirt that looked like it was about to have a structural failure, and Daisy Dukes that would make Daisy Duke blush. The shirt came off at stage two and looked like a handkerchief when it landed on the dance floor, and the cutoffs hit the floor at stage three. Seriously, this woman was fabulous.

I made it clear to her that I'd love to be her next few lap dances after she got off the stage, and thankfully she agreed. I slid a few extra bucks into her g-string after she assaulted me with her fake tits and looked forward to her hard ass grinding into my dick for a while. She went to another guy on the rail when I noticed Janet and John were negotiating with the thick redhead who had been on stage a few minutes before. I say thick, but that's unfair. She sported big floppy natural double D's and was appropriately curvy in every appealing way, including the long natural red hair. She probably had the biggest tits among the dancers and second biggest in the room. She was in John's lap but her hands were all over Janet.

They got up to head for the lap dance area and I wanted to make sure we were both back there at the same time. The red-head pulled Janet along by the hand and John followed, and as they passed me I motioned John to lean down so I could speak to him.

"Get a couple extra songs on me," I said, handing him a couple of twenties.

"Thanks! We sure will!" He patted me on the shoulder and followed his lady while I turned my attention back to the angel in front of me.

After that song she had to pack up her stuff, get the Dukes and T-shirt back on, and collect the fistful of small bills on the floor. The time keeper in the strip club is the song. Everything is measured by that yardstick, and I was anxious to get into the back room while Janet was still there. After a song and a half Dakota had finished putting herself together and she lead me to the lap-dance area just before the next song started. I chose to sit on the other side of Janet, not friendly close, but not far away either. What followed was the best lap-dance I have ever had. Well, best lap-dance at a strip club anyway. I dated a dancer for a while, and holy hell those moves are so much better with no clothes in the way. Sorry, different story.

Dakota was actually a little rough, but she was very handsy on my cock which was nice. I don't normally get hard at a titty bar but the double action of Dakota's ministrations and the big titty festival going on in the next booth was a powerful aphrodisiac. Janet's tits were all the way out and the red-head was rubbing her own generous breasts all over them. I'd pay a hundred bucks to see that show with a bottle of baby oil added.

Once Dakota got me rigid she turned around and started grinding her ass on it, and that got my attention in a real hurry. I put one hand on her hip and reached around for a handful of silicone, then tried real hard not to actually fuck the girl right there.

I checked on Janet again and she was looking right at me as the red-head spent some time with John. She was pinching her nipples and watching the sexy blonde dry-hump me. The lust in her eyes was immense and I imagine I looked about the same.

We were only in there together for two songs, then they left. I enjoyed one more with Dakota and her long hard body, then gave her a significant tip and told her she was a goddess, which I think she already knew. She complemented me on my dick and invited me back anytime. As I headed back out to the room I searched for my new friends but they had fled. My guess was John was getting road head that very second.

My bank was pretty well depleted but I had enough for another beer, a tip for the beer, and a few wandering pretties. I needed some time to sit my ass down and let the raging hard-on in my jeans subside. I got my drink at the bar and found a seat against the wall to relax. If nothing else, I had a new favorite strip club. And if that electricity between Janet and I was any indication, I might have found a new fuck buddy.

Was I down for that? I didn't really need to wrestle the issue very long. Yeah, I was down for that. Given certain limitations, at least. I'd have to find out about John. I drove home in a haze of cheap perfume and the smell of Dakota's pussy gently rising from the crotch of my Levis. The texting resumed the next day.

Janet: See anything interesting last night?

Noah: Damn right I did. You are pretty damn fabulous, lady.

Janet: Aw. Yer gonna make me blush.

N: I feel like I owe you a few tucked bucks for that show you put on.

J: That red-head stripper was horny as hell for me. She egged me on.

N: Did you take her home?

J: We sure thought about it!

N: Hot stuff. Send pics.

J: Maaaaybe! She might do, but we haven't found the right girl yet.

N: She looked about right to me. Although my girl -- holy shit!

J: Yeah, that girl was tight. I was totally imagining that you were really fucking her like that. John was in heaven, watching me and Tara and your girl all at once.

N: Did he even get home before you made him cum?

J: Oh hell no. I sucked his cock in the parking lot before we left. The benefits of a full sized pickup truck!

N: He is a lucky man.

J: He might not be the only lucky guy around. (Followed by a winking emoji.)

N: Oh yeah? Looking to add more tools to the tool box?

J: That is kinda the plan. You made an impression last night.

N: Me?

J: hold on...

A few seconds later I received a photo in the text. It was a selfie of Janet, topless. She had one arm under her breasts, pushing them up and out and holy cow those were big tits. I apologize if I am harping on that, but you need to understand the impact they made on me. I enjoy every aspect of a woman and I'm not of the bigger-is-better mindset, but given the opportunity to play with those just once, I'd be a fool to turn it down.

N: Damn, girl!

J: Damn right. I was kinda sweet on you from the texting but I wanted to meet you in person before I started this up. I really liked the way you fucked me with your eyes in the lap dance room.

N: Yeah, well, with Dakota grinding on my cock and you and whats-her-name rubbing your tits together, I just about came right there.

J: I did cum. While I sucked John's cock in the Chevy I was imagining it was yours while I fingered myself.

N: Well, now!

J: I'm ready to move to the next stage.

N: And you think that rack...that epic, glorious, gorgeous rack...is going to sway me?

J: Damn right! 

N: And how does your hubs feel about your dalliances with strangers?

J: It's his idea.

Oh really?

N: Well fuck me runnin.

J: LOL! Hey, one more thing.

N: Yeah?

J: You've seen mine, and while that bulge in your pants was impressive I'd kinda like to inspect the merchandise first. (winking emoji)

N: Uh huh. Give me a few minutes.

She wanted some quid-pro-quo on the dirty pics, so I sent her my very first dick pick. Thankfully I'm blessed with a pretty good pecker so it was well received. Just for reference, I pulled out a dollar bill and set it on my thigh so she could see more clearly the length and breadth of my virtue. I was already hard from the chat.