All Comments on 'Yum Ch. 01'

Would welcome any comments. Chapter two is comming.

Your story has some good elements. Perhaps it would do better in "erotic coupling" or even "group sex." In this category (romance) people like to get to know the couple first. These are anonymous strangers, to the reader at least. For the romance category, this would make a good chapter later in the series.

Also, you switch from 3rd person to 1st (she, then I). Better pick one or the other.

Welcome to lit. Keep writing. (and reading!) I hope this was helpful.