All Comments on 'Double your Pleasure'

That was a very nice story too bad it didn't continue after the ladies said Doublemint.

You switch from third person (he) to first person (I) then back again (Dave).

Continue on!

The title of my comment says it all.....

Dear me, this could have been a decent, although somewhat un-unique, Valentine's story, or story in general. However, it needs to go back to the editing room first! The sudden changes from 3rd to 1st person and then back again were very distracting. I don't know if it was intentional, but it made me think that it wasn't and that I'd caught a rather big error on the author's part. There's no need of changing from 3rd person. It's also confusing when his name- Dave- suddenly begins to be used because I had to stop and think "who?" Also, the very last paragraph changes tenses!

There are a few editing issues but I found it ended too abruptly.

Needed a better finish !

but then the switch from third to first person and then back left me having to constantly go back and forth trying to figure out if someone new had been brought into the mix. There was an Enya name in there as well that lost me.

I had to laugh at the sipping of a tequila shot. I know no one who sips tequila.

It was definitely a great storyline for a Valentine's day story just needed a bit more work.