Sorry but you wrote 2 different characters for Tom. The guy who saved his neice is an entirely different person from the one in the hospital. Boy he really showed Jeff too didn't he. Hoping a person who just plyed you with alcohol so he could fuck your wife in the same house as you has enough conscience to feel ashamed about it is like asking the Taliban to feel ashamed about killing americans. Not very likely so that part fell way short of intended target. A guy who is tough enough to go through all that he did while saving his neices is not the kind of guy who would just say please be discreet while fucking my wife in the future so you don't humiliate me and my standing with the family. Those 2 characteristics don't make sense in the same person. A guy like that would definitely not wimp out in the way you just had this guy do. Come to think of it though, maybe the hero action is the part that is out of character for him because he was acting real wimpy when he had the gun too. Hmmmmmmmmm!?!? Seems to be a huge contradiction here!?!?
There is a flaw in your characters revenge plan: They don't give a shit! If they were decent people they wouldn't intentionally gotten him drunk, and went of to fuck! They are selfish, low class shit. What he should have done is to be honest, let the whole family know what happened, refuse the honor of having the assholes son named after him - who'd want their name on a cheaters kid? Let all the nurses know what happened and ask them to keep those people away from you so you can heal up and get out of the hospital. Then call your lawyer and get a divorce. Move on. There is nothing worse than living a lie in a sham marriage. Fuck it.
giving a shit about doing something is different than giving a shit about others knowing and more than the fuck buddies and the hero know, so it will get out.
when cheating like this takes place, a best friend and a loving wife who didn't show any signs that she is dissatisfied with the marriage, when they cheat and it was clear that they did plan for it, thought about it, and try to make it happen, they were not both drunk and found themselves in bed by accident, she did not fuck the other guy and after the rush cooled came back running to her husband bed, SO, the question is, was this their first time, and if they are planning a first, is it logical to have it in the family house where they could be discovered, no, but if it was a full blown affair then probably they got careless because they have done before and were not caught. The eternal question is, does he know his wife and best friend enough to assume that they will feel guilty and by this he is punishing them, does the question that people change ever entered his mind and did he wonder that the man he knew all his life and the woman he fell in love have changed and he did not realize it or notice it, his wife planned on fucking another man under his nose, isn't that a clue enough that this a selfish woman who doesn't care about her husband, and her reaction after she was found out was simply as it is, being found and by a member of her family and not because that she faced the horrible truth that she has cheated on her husband, . I know that authors try to find new plot all the time and new angles the life long story of adultery, all i am trying to do here is discussing the idea of punishment by guilt,, the writing is the best as usual, thanks for sharing.
Did she or didn't she? Did they stay together or not? We will never know, because like so many LW writers this one does not have the balls to finish it. Rather let us use our imagination.
If he finishes it where they stay together, then his scores will suffer. If they divorce his score will go up.
Just finish what you started, coz what you have is good. So damn tired of these open endings
the story is finished. too many people know they were fucking and that hubby saved the studs lchildren and wife and did it with a blade in his chest, chasing the bad guy down. everyone will know it was not a secret. come on, dickens wrote the last line of a tale of two cities with something like, It is a far far better place i go than i have ever been before; it is a far far better thing i do than i have ever done before, or something like that.
was it bad because he did not write how he walked up the steps, how bad he felt, the hands on his body forcing him to kneel, placing his head in the device. his view of the bucket where other severed heads had faled before. the look of fresh blood and the smell of death in the straw that failed to soak up the blood so that it ran like water in the place de la concorde. is dickens a wimp author becasue he did not describe the act and terror of the beheading or was his last statements enough?
HDK finished it, you have to look at the beheading yourself without the description being written for you. the marriage is over, what is left is not a marriage. duh.
Sorry Cantbuymy, you went a little deep. HDK just didn't finish it. It looks a little weak. Could have used a epilogue or something. She is now free to fuck anyone. And will he be real and not have sex with her again or will he be a wimp and let his cheating bitch wife shit all over him?
You both have great views on this. But someone else does not seem to like it. they are so far up HDK's butt it is pathetic.
The author is a cuck and cock succer.
beside the above, he writes well, so ask Lit to have Cuck section and post yr crap there
Please add a sequel. It's been three years. Let Tom come to some closure. Let him bang Amy and Amber and reconcile with Ashley. Or not. It is time for Jeff to pay.
the ending is perfect the way it is. everyonbe will know she is a whore and he is a hero.
she fucked him and then slept in his arms, that is not a first time thing.
if you do write a follow up, and i hope you dont, have a DNA that makes the kids be someone elses.
you can neither spell nor use proper English, yet you berate (is that word to big for you?) one of the best authors on Literotica. And no, not all his stories are reconciliation, and this is not a reconciliation story. I suppose the concept of mental revenge is just too complicated for you. BTW - proper etiquette (sorry, another big word) in comments is to criticize the story, not the author.
Tom is obviously capable of violence, but the mind-fuck he lays on the two cheaters is truly first rate.
...and this was!!!
My epilogue, she finally gets totally annoyed, angry, hurt, cold and kurt with him because of his aloofness and unwillingness to talk about the past.
In the event the children are his and as much as he had once totally loved her, adored her and felt complete with her, he would torment her until she ran off pulling her hair out (figuratively) to her parents, a girlfriend or even someone she had worked with and then, he got total custody of the children and she would get visitation and possibly even chaperoned visitation.
You write well but this guy is too deep, too emotional, too romantic and too caring to ever be able to not constantly relive the experience of that evening and night...it's too bad but they won't make it and that is sad because he really is a good husband and a real, honest man.
Epilogue here, even after all this time, would be appreciated by many, many of us!!!!!!!!!
And I have to say, every time I've read this story, I am more and more horrified by it.
This is not a critique of the writing (there were a few sins in that regard). Nor is it a ding against the realism, or the quality of the mind fuck.
However...as a writer, I take a look at the plot threads and I cast them in the wind to see where they will go...and every time I do, I see agony, pain and loss, huge quantities for everyone involved.
Maybe it is because I am a drama king. Maybe because I favor dark stories. But this man, in his short sighted way of wanting to get 'mental pay back' is sowing the wind.
He will reap the whirlwind. Which is too bad because I generally like him.
hdk crapola, like jpb
The word "awesome" is overused, but is the only one I can think of to adequately describe this story; 5++++
Jeff and Ashley are mind fucked for life
have to love that kind of revenge
Fuck! another little jnr wimp on the way. Connor's lepers.
1 stupid mother fuck wimp ass
wimp hdk wimpy tale, maybe an autobiography
...they got off too easy for my taste. Nevertheless: Well written, even though you seemed to rush at the end.Do not let the "AnonymousÂ´s" impress you: They are too wimpy themselves to sign with their names, a habbit they share with many "micro-cocked" (let us call them) "men".
deserves all the mistrust she gets. I hope she suffers. If this was real life instead of a story this marriage would not last.
Having laid guilt trips, doubt about their future fidelity, their character and the suggestion they keep on fucking...three things are going to happen...
1) His image of what he saw and knew would continue to manifest and grow bigger and more difficult for him to deal with!
2) She would get rattled, hurt, horny and in need of release to the point that she convinced herself that he really wanted her to cheat and to leave him alone.
2) She would feel helpless and unloved to the point that she finally decided 'What the Hell', she was a cheater and he didn't believe she was or could be faithful so...next opportunity with anyone interesting - "SHE Will Get Laid! After all, we know she didn't have any moral scruples and only needs a little flirtation or excuse to consider a little play time SO>>>>>>>
If you had written a follow-up to this fantasy story, I'm wagering that I'm on the right track. This guy is an old fashioned romantic and was totally and emotionally in love with her. What he saw, what he realized, he could never again believe her, trust her or eventually even touch her.
A follow-up would be interesting but then - we run the risk of you patching things up so - Good Ending!!!
But I would keep her around just so that I could spend money, none of it on her. Separate bedrooms, never touch her, certainly never fuck her. And if she complained about the lack of sex, I'd just tell her I imagine she was getting all she needed elsewhere. Plus, with an infected cunt like hers, for me to use two or three condoms at the same time wouldn't let me get the job done.
Gentlemen, there many ways to skin a cat and sometimes not divorcing and writing them off is the best form of revenge. Keep her around to keep the house clean, cook some meals and some conversation. Past that? Not much else...
I know it's pretty much complete, but I would really like to know what hppens next. Gave it a 4 instead of a 5 for that reason. Still enjoyed it though.
Why don't you ever finish your stories? Right when they start to get interesting you stop writing..... that is cheap!
the wife planned to cheat.
The cheating cousin planned to cheat.
the trusting friend/husband was set up with extra booze and disregarded.
the unsuspecting wife and daughter were deliberately scheduled to arrive the day after the rendezvous, by design.
By accident the unsuspecting cuckold saved the lives of the cheating husband's family.
Do the two cheaters deserve to get off without consequences?
And, the whole family knows it! Get Real!!
Yeah, he laid a head trip on Jeff. But he never got any real revenge on either of the cheaters and he admits that he was never going to trust Ashley again. Who wants to live life like that? Better to get a divorce.
If Tom owes Jeff for saving his life, then what does Jeff owe Tom for saving his wife and children ?
Started off OK,then turned to shit. So....all he gets out of this hospital stay is a cheating wife and friend,neither of which he can trust. Even though he was really trying to guilt them by his hospital bed(by giving his tacit approval),he's given his permission to cheat together.If he was to deny Ashley intimacy for any length of time,that permission to stray could be used against him,whether he really meant that approval or not.In reality he's given her Card Blanche to have affairs not just with Jeff,but anyone. Re:"Show me a small amount of respect and I won't interfere with you fucking other men." Bad,bad,move. He better be able to get it up for her,or that statement is going to come back to bite him in the ass.
The hospital would have been the perfect place to exact a fitting revenge rather than the lame ended this story had. Just imagine the two cheaters exposed in the hero's hospital room after he saved the pricks wife and daughter. There is no way in hell that I would ever take that cheating bitch back. He did not owe his friend the use of his wife that's for sure. I have saved several peoples lives over the years but I have never felt they owed me anything. I drive allot for my job and I have come across a number of motor vehicle accidents. I was there at the right time and place and able to use my safety training to help out.
Both of them know how little they are trusted, how small they are in his eyes. While I'm a big BTB fan, this may be the ultimate. And all it takes for the next 50 years is just a dig here and there to let them both know that you assume they are still low life bottom feeding cheaters, but that you are willing to put up with their cheating.
There is no forgiveness for their unforgivable and preplanned scurrilous cheating. And, to do it so in such a physical location as to guarantee being caught. Clearly there is no respect for him. Tom should quietly divorce her (with all the family knowing the "why") and making her an outcast. He is the hero and she and Jeff are the low life villains.
Lose your head over a piece of ass. Man up Tom, you pussy.
Do you write ANY stories where the guy ACTUALLY stands up to (and punishes) his cheating spouse? Damn. You turned this guy into the biggest pussy as far as his wife's faithfulness is concerned. Really? You think slinking out of the house like a 12yr old was the best way of dealing with infidelity? I understand that he didn't have to shoot them both to teach them a life lesson,but at least wake them up...and kick someone's ass!
It is a good story and it should be further explored
Listen to what the author is trying to say! He is showing us another way how to get revenge without going all caveman on his wife and Jeff. He show he was a man by showing what he did with the kidnappers. And for his thoughts of suicide, thinking your world collapsing and family rip from you is a powerful motivator at the moment to consider suicide, albeit a bad choice.
This is one of my favorites. So many possible options in this story.
Was this an accident, was it planned, will they divorce or not.
I truly would love to see another chapter.
Do they have kids? Didn't see anything about that. He did say he had a vasectomy, why if there were no kids? You see, kids are the only reason to stay with a shitty spouse. I would bet at any given moment 50% of married couples are only staying married for the sake of a stable home life for their kids. I didn't say happy home life, stable is good enough to raise a healthy kid. If they don't have kids, it is time to call the marriage quits. When it comes to cheating on your spouse, it is never an "accident". It certainly may be a mistake, but that is one that the cheater has to live with, not the cheated. So, once again the verdict is: Tell the truth! Let the other offended spouse know what she is married to. She may chose to wait another 18 years, but she has a right to know that her marriage is dead and who killed it. If you are not honest, it is just a matter of time before he does it again. One day she will find out that everyone lied to her with a lie of omission and she will hate you for it. The truth is the truth and it is the only way to sanity and one day, happiness!
What would my two kids, Arlene and Jeffrey, think of me if I shot their mom?
Amber deserves to know what she is married to.
This story needs closure.
Really good concept and story line,thank you
But somehow I had missed this gem. I'm sure glad I found it! I haven't read through the comments, but I would guess that I'm not alone in wishing it was not so terse. This was a brilliant concept, executed with perfection and is complete as it is; but it raises many questions that beg to be answered. I would love to see you revisit this to flesh it out; or even better, follow it up with part two to uncover all the who, what and whys.
Sugna -- see Tw0Cr0ws quote from the story: "What would my two kids, Arlene and Jeffrey, think of me if I shot their mom?" See? Kids. As far as learning the truth goes, she is still in the process of getting the message. Carry that Weight. Get it? That's fair. You write the ending.
Tw0Cr0ws -- nobody got shot.
One of my favorite stories.
the never ending revenge. Jeff`s family loves tom and the two cheaters are torn
with never ending guilt.. to bad tom`s life is going to be crap.
Leave that sorry assed bitch. She was part of the plan. What? Can't part from the money? Fuck her.
from any of the three. Ashley cried and dabbed her eyes. Jeff looked nervous. Tom had no emotions. I expected more from HDK.
What a deadly smack in the head !!
Has to be the best you've written - well done HDK.
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