All Comments on 'Sabrina's Education Ch. 01'

Hello Lilly,

I read Sabrina's Education and below you will find my comments. Before that, understand I am no professional, But I have written professionally. Writing for the adult market is no easy task in fact I find it almost harder then writing straight laced stories. You started strong with Sabrina standing in front of the Mansion, bewildered and out of sorts, Great start, but you took the reader back to far to fast and tried to fill in to much all at once, by the time the girls got interested in each other, The idea of the mansion and why she was their was forgotten, or at least not a concern. Your characters are strong and their descriptions are well done but someone will always want more detail. Remember you are OUR eyes, ears, of the world you are creating, the sounds and smells the feeling of the air, all have a place in your story's. Give us glimpses of her past and experiences, maybe save a dream for the real detail stuff for background history. At this point I only want Sabrina and Jenna to run away and become hard core lesbians, cult leaders and open a dungin in the city..for wealthy, rich, sexually helpless people and train them..In the art of sexuality.

I would be happy to help or read other works you have, again feedback is your friend and writing is a release of your inner strengths.

Hope to hear from you

Fit2betied

Thanks to all my readers. I have just submitted Ch 2 of Sabrina's Education. In this chapter she gets initiated to her ward's mansion and Jenna comes to stay! Hope I can keep you excited. This novella will definitely have many chapters of intrigue and plot twists to come.