You really need to start doing a few things.
1 - USE QUOTATIONS! Whenever someone actually says something, you Have to put "these" around the words they say.
2 - You never used a single comma.
example: " It is scary at first, but I promise you will love it so much."
(You may also want to use contractions. Say "it's" instead of "it is" and "you'll" instead of "you will." It sounds much more natural that way.)
Other than those issues, it's not bad. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, especially if you can get those two things under control and maybe make other parts seem more natural, too.
New to this and you feedback is appreciated. Punctuation never my strength. Have already submitted 3rd chapter before I figured out how to read comments. Will work on for rest of story.
You need to take a basic writing course and maybe read a biology book on the female anatomy. The description of the girls is cliche and ordinary. How many of these are there? Hopefully they get better.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Mei Meets a Monster Ch. 02
orMore submissions by Dog2303.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Mei Meets a Monster Ch. 02:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to Dog2303:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.