All Comments on 'Making It Happen'

This seems like a great start, and I would like to read further chapters.

Many friends are in the same situation. Neither wants to make first move. It is better to take a chance than regret later

good for a first effort...I will be looking for more submissions from you...

So far, so good. Not overly graphic, but definitely had the desired effect on me. Pretty good for your first try. Waiting for the next one.

Add dialogue.

Make us feel it's happening NOW!!

(Good first try, though. :+))

I can't comment on whether or not it was well-written, because I read no further than the first sentence because I cannot stand stories written "to me", as though I am in them. It just seems so forced and artificial. It may be just a personal preference on my part, but I would probably have read it had you not used that shtick.

Congrats on writing your first, though!

Unusual to write in 2nd person, feels a bit forced - but so's poetry. I liked it for being different.. Nice it's not just a quick penetration too. And great finish, leaving it to readers imagination!

Maybe use a few more pronouns.

You don't need dialogue, but give us more on yours & his feelings to balance all the physical detail.

The guy's pretty passive, then does stuff like pull you up and kiss you and take you to the bedroom. Make him passive or active, or explain why he varies (eg shocked at your lechery)

Odd para split near the top.

Looking forward to next story!

Short, sweet and exciting... Just how it should be when friends finally become lovers.

Regards,

nedthebundler