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Part of the Family

WW I as someone that had his now ex wife suffer the same fate as TC seems to have and still going strong thirty years after surgery, she will have the Troy family as well as the Vision to help her through the mind wars as well as the physical issues she will have to endure. If you write this with compassion and understanding with a positive outcome it will give hope to many others out there who either have a fight going on with the big C or have one in the future. The way this pans out the outcome will have a larger effect over many people, many more than you may have thought of when putting pen to paper. It is right that these issues are written about and the strain within families and friends discussed openly, as it is one way to learn and become brave. As for the hit=man I feel he already has gone after the drone perps and got hit by the shot from the gun of the IC. Noted male running away leaving a weapon and blood trail, hence this one a free one for Mr Burke, there again the He could be a She. I will keep my options open on that one. The question is will Mrs Burke talk to the IC or Todd about her fear on what those meetings are over and or will she end up as another body/murder for the IC to solve. Give another 5* for this Ch1 and await the next chapter with baited breath.


Thank you for your comments. I understand what you are saying about the emotional impacts. On the one hand, it's not easy conveying emotion, be it humor or pain, through a written medium like this one. It may also be my lack of writing skills to properly convey the emotion. On the other hand, there will be some like yourself who will experience my writing differently than others, and will feel the emotions differently, more, less or just differently, than others.

Also, the impact over time... would you not say Pete Feeley's death greatly impacted the Iron Crowbar over time? Would you not say Amy's passing and the changes her life then her death made on Teresa are impactful? And continuing?

So, I am sorry if these stories have not come across well, and I hope they'll be more understood as the nest few stories come out. Of course I never just stop pouring it on after one story, n'est pas?

Five Stars!

I always enjoy your stories, wherever I find them. Thank you for all of your efforts!


Ok, I get the overcoming pain and adversity bit - being a 12-year survivor of one of the silent-killer-type Big-C's myself (fortunately for me, caught early enough).
But really... you had to do this to her (and us) over Christmas?!

Trust me, if you've ever been there yourself - taking that sudden, unexpected, and very long look at the possible near-term end of your mortality when you're not expecting it - is emotionally wrenching and fully all-consuming enough of an experience all on its own. Many people have slid into even-more-life-threatening deep depressions over the experience - and with good cause. You didn't need to twist the knife with the Christmas season stuff for her at all. That bit actually comes off as sort of cheap to my eyes.

While I'm on this point, I think that your earlier story about the passing of Amy and the organ-transplant theft was one of the few parts of your writing that missed the mark. I can understand why, though, as you (hopefully) have no direct experience with the passing of a really close young one. It is very much the same kind of gut-churning heart-wrenching emotional cement mixer that facing the unanticipated news of your possible death at the hands of some disease is - only magnified about a thousand percent or so. You never quite captured or transmitted the real essence of that experience and pain in the story. It is the sort of experience that generally alters the trajectory of life, at least on emotional terms - for weeks or months at a minimum.

You had a bigger story arc to tell about, and that was where your focus lay as an author/writer, I get that. However, when you delve into these areas of deeply impactful, emotionally wrenching life experiences, I sense the missing depth of experience in the way you try to relate the impact of these on your characters. Perhaps that is because having had those experiences myself, I can empathize more with your characters' plights then even you do. ...or perhaps it is something else...I'm not certain. I'm just saying that you're previous efforts touching on these areas - like you are about to land on Theresa with, lacked the depth of authentic emotional relatability to my worn, weary, perhaps jaded eyes. I'm hoping that Theresa won't be so short-changed. As a character, she deserves deeper and better care than that.

Just my $0.02.

- GrandPaM

Good effort that needs an editor

Hate to say it, but I keep on getting distracted from the story by typos, word choice, and the fact that every character has the same voice - the boxer, the widows (both Welsh and Londoner) the parents.

Keep writing, I'll keep reading.


Yes, I've been known to write a few sad ones, like Pete Feeley and Amy. As Dr. P. Harvey Eckhart might say: we must feel the pain of the bad times to contrast with the joy of the good times. Also, this is a big Teresa arc story, and of course her story is one of overcoming pain and adversity.

Out of the mouths of babes

Well done story, kept my interest all the way through.
Write more, you have talent:)

Uh huh

Bullshit on your holding cell scene, but if you want to call it true, who is anyone to say otherwise.

If Fisher Bought Her...

Doesn't that make him guilty of Sexual Slavery? We are talking about a great amount of jail time for him. Alan should run like hell and put as much distance as he can between himself and Laura. The little girls have to be confused beyond description.


I may have given you the customary 5 stars you usually earn but this read was rather sad. The worst part was that very last sentence. More tears.

Loved the Twist at the End.

Five stars!
A lawyer who wants to sue his sister for bolstering his "rep" and client base! As a lawyer myself, I found the entire framework most humorous.

With apologies to the law student, I think fraud would be difficult to hold up. In most American jurisdictions, he'd have to prove she entered into the pre-nup with intent to stop what we lawyers call consortium (i.e., affection, companionship, society, and of course--sexual relations) after the marriage. Better to simply agrue breach of (implied) contract.

Moving at a glacial pace

Pick it up or stop. No in between.

Second time through

This chapter was vomitous.

She was a vile bitch and your explanation was terrible.

Very unsatisfying though you are a talented writer.

In it to the end

Thanks for the support.
This is a full length novel and it is completed in third draft form all the way to the end.
I am just sending out the chapters as I polish them, so you won't be left hanging

Descriptive Tale

Agreed with previous comment. Looks like a great story is building here. Nice work so far.

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