All Comments on 'Accounting and building'

I think you have some extra words and maybe I'd break it up with a bit of space unless you want it read breathlessly. Overall it's really good with a great ending. :-)

Just my opinion, of course. Thanks for the read!

Powerpoint's boredom leave a lot of room for wonderful thoughts - Excellent, Todski!

Erotica that really is erotic!

While I think the word 'eerie' could be swapped out with a more relevant descriptive, the rest is fap fap fappity fap fap an amazing feat of engineering.

I liked this poem particularly because of its setting: the dreaded Power Point presentation where you're pushing some or other idea to make a sale, or trying to explain why you missed quota this quarter, or droning on about how your company's consultancy can demonstrably improve bottom-line metrics for Globalcompany.com.

And then someone who attracts you walks through the room and you completely focus on that.

I have so been there. BTW, I am no accountant, but I think profits are income less expenses, and assets less liabilities are (I'm guessing, based on ACCT 101 years ago) shareholder equity. Liabilities less assets are just a number that makes no sense unless you mean that metaphorically, in which case you lost me.

I'm sorry. I'm babbling. I did like your poem.

I missed an all important piece of punctuation that would have clarified the piece I feel it has suffered a little from unintended consequence,

liabilities less assets

equal profits

Should look like tgis

liabilities less assets

equal profits?

Thank you for the thoughts and the nice comments!

I needed time on this, tod. That's why I didn't comment yesterday. It was an enjoyable read for the reasons others have mentioned.

Here's my quibble and hesitation from yesterday: I didn't like the first line, absent the definite article (the). Having said that, I'll agree that "The projector beams down as the slide flips" is probably not any better a first line.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but when I read a sentence without an expected definite article it feels like texting.

I'm wondering if the poem would have been better begun at line 4, given "Accounting" in the poem's title and the subsequent mention of "back light," and, if need be, work "projector" in later in the poem.

The contrast between numbers and the woman's sensuality made the poem erotic for me as well as your wonderful word choice in lines 8-12. demure's comment was spot on. The traditional male craft of building contrasted with the soft feminine image of the presenter also adds to the erotic affect in my opinion.

Perhaps it's just my style, but I would have segmented the poem into several stanzas in the hope of subtly drawing the reader's attention to a particular image I was conveying. For example, I think lines 8-12 work well as a stanza.

Please accept my comments as an effort to provoke your thinking, not as a right or wrong choice of poetic devices. As I said, this was an enjoyable read.

my mind wanders when you mention " assets" & I wonder naughtily which asstes is the Poet hintin' @ the Lady's or the Company's ??, Tod ?! 5-ed .

I had left this to mull over my comment. The problem at my age is that before it has finished mulling my mind often wanders off into other things - actually I think I have always been that disorganised.

Very, very nice. I am happy without the article (GM’s comments are always more than worth reading) & it seems more like film directions or something. Scene setting.

It is not just that it is highly erotic (which it is), you create the persona & feeling of the person so strongly.

song of desire

of longing unleashed as her hand

planes the air off my skin

offers of a private tuition accepted

where

I teach her what I know of building

how to truss and tie,

how to scribe a line to fit tight

screw it hard,

she teaches me

a verbal assessment

and where to

pencil in the hardest numbers

I agree with butters — tight focus. The first half sets up the scene. The boring slides suddenly disappear, replaced with and overload of the senses. And then comes the part quoted by butters, which is some really good writing.