All Comments on 'End of a World'

WITH THE MAYAN PREDICTION JUST AROUND THE CORNER, tk u mlj lv nv

but, I don't know where to start.

First: This could end the world of a young girl. I wonder at why she was stood up, although that has nothing to do with the poem. (or does it?)

Next: This does not seem to be as well constructed as so many of your writes are, which makes me wonder (again) if this is more personal and not creative.

Not making much sense. Respects

The word 'shrill' in the fourth line of the second stanza has a double effect. I am sure there is a technical term for it - but I don't know it. It doesn't rhyme as expected, and thus throws then entire stanza off kilter. Exactly like the little girl. It's a good idea, but I agree with Harry that this is not one of your stronger pieces.

just saw your note to me - sorry. I stand corrected on the rhyme scheme - to everyone else Demure pointed out to me its ababcc. I am not sure what I was thinking. For some reason "shrill" stands out for me though. Maybe because of the stop after the phrase in the middle of the line?

...and it is here!

i don't think mayans had anything to do with it, if the lines where cleaner, would remind me of Sara Teasdale, curious as to influence