All Comments on 'Ice Storm'

but thought it might work better if you took "yourself" out of the poem, cutting the "speak to me" which is cliched and concentrating on the lovely descriptive images.

and lose "to me" because trees do sort of speak when the ice is clinking and dropping and shattering. Also not sure I'd keep "musical" because if you've ever heard a whind chime you don't need to be told it's musical. Also "diamond sparkles" is accurate but a predictable way of describing it. The end line is what you leave the reader with so I'd try something that's also accurate but more unexpected. I like the sonics of this poem. It sounds like what it is.

have quite the acumen of the other two, but I do agree. Nonetheless, you do have a poet's ear and good imagery. Much upside MikeIvy, as long as you don't make me spit my juice out again! It's good.

100! I was going to complain about shards, but you know what Mike, here you are hitting it "Adding their discarded shards" The last line is a little to cliche, however the rest of the poem manages to take what easily could have been overdone and overwrought, but you brought it to the right touch. In parts it sings.

Your poem reminds me of the snow and ice we've been having for the last month or so where I live....well done!

So I can't comment on the realism, but you're improving all the time as a poet. i agree about the last line. I think cliches might be your personal bugaboo. Mine's gerunds; I am the proverbial gerund whore much talked about here.

Could trim a word here and there for perfection. (For instance, no need to tell us it's cold, that's implied everywhere anyway.) But overall an excellent little snapshot.

An absolutely beautiful poem! Wow! Very impressive! I live in Alaska and find myself constantly looking at the beauty in the "crystal coated trees". Magnificent imagery! You have a gift!

Five.

Nicely done. I like in particular the contast in the last 2 lines of "discarded shards" turning the world into "diamond sparkles."

I might have played with using "diamond bed sparkles" in which case I would have replaced "Adding" with "Making" (as in a bed.) I think the then 2 hard "d" sounds in the last 2 lines gives this short poem a slower more deliberate ending, which I think is always desirable in short poems, but that may be just my bias.

As I said, nicely done.