by DG Hear
DGH, you made me laugh with this twisted rhyme of twisted tail.
I usually have to kill somebody in my stories to get a happy ending.
and their mate awaits the doomsday. TK U MLJ LV NV
I know it when I respond too quickly. You have to wait a bit, like letting a cooking dish simmer a bit.
On a second thought it felt like a folk song with a wink (and a moral). I liked it.
I'll say three things: first: continue to experiment and don't feel intimidated. I don't know how strongly you feel about writing poems. I am not going into the big "POETRY" thing, but maybe you don't even have to make any big decision? Just play with it. I for what its worth will be interested to see what you do and will give you my honest opinion (kindly, I promise).
Second, regarding the poem itself. Other than the rhyming, it reads mostly as an embryonic story. It's ok, but I was wondering if you made it clear in your mind - why a poem?
But I liked the humor; the surprise and the shift in the pov. Especially humor is sorely needed in this mostly overly self indulgent and overly serious section. So, why not more?
Three: doing poetry and doing fiction DO NOT contradict each other...
Cute read there DG. :D I chuckled, snickered, and smirked. :D
~~ Red. :)
but considering my own little tries at poetry, I'm not the best critic.
You do have such wonderful short fantasies running around in your mind.
It was fun, thank you.
I think you may have mixed metaphors here
Not bad for a first time out, I guess there's nothing you can't write. Congrad's
An avid fan