All Comments on 'Outside My Window'

and about time too!

i like who this is set into little bite-sized pieces to digest - entire little scenes on their own that wear an almost oriental air about them :)

the comma you have after 'outside' is misplaced, though, mike, unless you want it to read as it does now - that is, making your window the object retreating, not the 'glacier' ;)

you could easily lose all those commas and not create problems for the reader. in such small pieces, using punctuation the same way we might in prose can cause it to look and 'feel' cluttered, or stilted.

small suggestion L2, L3 subject, verb

L1 could have been written The glacier retreats... to introduce a bit of parrellism.

The glacier outside,

Troubadour of spring, ah waggles hand, too expected

100

about troubador of spring sounding a little cliched but it's a small point in a poem that is simply offering a view, one that I can look out my own window and relate to, so well done.

....can't be far away. This is like a gulp of fresh, cool air. I like the "garden rivers", we get those too, leaving stony beds behind.

I agree with butty, the line break'd be enough making the commas redundent.

Tess

Not a big fan of nature poems myself but very well written and a HUGE improvement from your original posts here. It is good seeing you progress as a poet.

The last word didn't seem to fit in with the other last stanza words for me but apart from that and the first misplaced comma nice piece