All Comments on 'Taken'

Again, you create an engaging persona. The thought process and images are arresting and of high quality. It is a poem I enjoyed reading and wanted to read again and again.

What I think spoils it is that, in trying to get rhymes for 'tide', it becomes awkward and forced. In each case, it is those lines that jar. Thus:

- 'the ones' I hide is very slightly awkward both in clarity & sound

- 'bide' is the only archaic word in the poem (apart from 'bide one's time' I do not think I have ever heard anyone use it in conversation in over 60 years). All the other words are common parlance. I get the strong impression you wanted to use 'hide' but decided you had already used that and rummaged round for an alternative. This is the weakest line as a consequence.

- 'keep me at your side' while the sense is great, the flow stumbles and it is not a dramatic or 'shock' ending that can carry that.

I think 'Frozen by an emotion I cannot name, taken by the tide.' is an outstanding pair of lines.

Although the repetitive rhyme does give cadence, I think you would have done better to have varied the rhyme.

All just my opinion and I make no claim that I can write poetry as well or better than yourself.