Ten Days in Spain

A friend vacationing in Spain sent me a photo with his caption, "Champagne is good to keep me fit." I noticed that this sentence had the same length and rhythm as a lot of American light verse--iambic tetrameter. I stole the first line and wrote the rest of the poem. English majors will object that line 27 is in dactylic, not iambic. Yes, you're right. So sue me. (Just kidding.) -- P.C.

Champagne is good to keep me fit,
And truffles calm the nerves.
Viagra blue is helpful too,
When ladies bare their curves.

Sumatra strong helps keep me long--
You must know what I mean.
No giant rat--I don't want that--
I meant the coffee bean!

I went to Spain to see the sights,
And now my head is spinnin'.
Don't want to pout ... but got worn-out
From all those Spanish women!

Don Juan could make love all day long,
But he was from Seville.
There, girls are hot. Back home, they're not,
And seldom on the Pill!

Those Spanish girls all want to fuck:
It was a real conundrum.
Their clothes they'd hurl; they'd play cowgirl,
And I was always under 'em! –

One climbing off, another on;
I'd have to fuck some more!
Then oral sex--from all that ex-
ercise my tongue was sore.

I wasn't used to constant sex
Or much real sex at all.
Here, girls postpone bedding 'til after the wedding
(commanded by Saint Paul).

But Spanish girls are more in touch
With nature and their bodies.
Alas for me, I'm 63--
Too frail for all these hotties.

I had to cut vacation short,
Skipped Barcelona, Cadiz.
I hopped a plane, departed Spain,
And left behind the ladies.

While flying out, I thought about
What U.S. regions lack.
Got home again last night at ten
And bought a ticket back!