The Graybeard's Sonnet

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Maybe this is an erotic poem. What do you think?
113 words
4.75
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The leaky hourglass blurred my tracks with sand,
Obscuring all my sins, and yet my mind
Is not at peace, because I cannot find
The pathway to that hot and fragrant land
Where we transgressed so fiercely, where we fanned
The hungry searing flames that licked and twined
Around our aching bodies, that combined
In ways that were so shocking and so grand.
These hasty years have robbed me of the nerve
To sin so freely. Now my ways are set,
Too tired and wise for wishing to oppress
The tranquil concord that we both deserve.
If Chronos were but just, I might forget
That I still crave the one I can't possess.

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4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Really good.

To me, this was sad but beautiful. I love that first line, and the last...I could feel the yearning. Such a good write. šŸ™Œ

AlwaysHungryAlwaysHungryalmost 4 years agoAuthor

Tzara, motoric and archaic is just my natural voice. :)

TzaraTzaraalmost 4 years ago
Pretty good Italian sonnet, AH.

The meter is, I think, a little too motoric and the language is slightly archaic (making it read a bit stiffly), but perhaps that is part of your point (about aging). It's unclear whether this is about a lover from long ago or one you encountered more recently, but the sentiment would likely be the same in any case. It especially speaks to me because I've lately been having some quite explicit dreams about someone I've had a crush on for years--both of her from years ago and of her as a considerably more mature woman. It's not something I would act on even if I could (we're both married) but, damn, they are quite intense dreams.

Anyway, scored you a five. Nice to see you posting again.

GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasurealmost 4 years ago
this was worth the wait

....and, to answer your question, yes, definitely erotic.

just one niggle, I would prefer "warm" to "hot" in line four. Kudos, AH, it is good to read you again.

This is GP

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