All Comments on 'Thoughts'

You have the sensitivity and the right feel for the flow of words in a poem. My main suggestion and I think it should not be too difficult for you to try it, is anchor your subject in a specific situation; demonstrate your feelings in a dialogue and so forth. Simply NAMING the feeling may be enough for you but at least for me – it needs to go through something that I can recognize and THEN I may be able to really get what you are talking about (What kind of pain what kind of loss etc.).