All Comments on 'To the gods for the rain'

This Whitmanesque piece was very nicely written, and I liked it very much. Language, rhythm and imagery all very tight. Thanks.

The basic issue I have with this piece is that I think you are saying far too much rather than creating an image which says it for you. Just one or two examples:- whole lines could be omitted eg 2& 8. You don't need lots of verbs especially 'ing verbs.Think how things could be said more economically eg 'electric air'rather than "the air crackling with electricity".In short a vigorous precis might improve what is basically a good idea.

Then again I might be quite wrong.