All Comments on 'Why?'

by Lloyd2004

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WickedEveWickedEveabout 19 years ago
~

The title does nothing to attract the reader. The poem does have potential, though. Here is a revision you may want to consider:

Title: A girl can love a girl

You told me you loved me.

Never mentioned Maria,

the girl you adore.

"Understand," you said

as you kissed me goodbye.

I miss you.

This is only one possibility for a revision. I think it makes a nice minimalist poem once you trim away a few unneeded lines.

turtledoveturtledoveabout 19 years ago
nice job

full of emotion-Nice Job

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