2 Girls 1 Cop

Teah was sitting at the kitchen table in her tunic, leggings and flip flops looking over bills.

Her daughter Hannah came in wearing her night shirt and ankle socks.

"I just got laid off," Hannah said.

"Welcome to the club," Teah replied.

"I'm about to graduate college and they fire me."

Hannah sat across from her mother.

"What are we going to do, mom?"

"I don't know," Teah said. "How's the website?"

"We're getting traffic. People seem to like looking at pictures of our turds."

Teah thought about something. It was insane in her mind, but she wasn't about to lose her home.

"I've been thinking, Hannah."

"Did you hurt yourself?" Hannah asked

"Very funny, smart-ass. I've been thinking about making RateHerTurd a pay site."

"You want to charge people to view our pictures?"

"No. Our videos."

Hannah grinned.

"Are you saying that you're willing to get off your hiatus and return to the scat porn industry?"

Teah removed her glasses with the beaded chain.

"I want to leave something to my granddaughter before I pass on and enter into that great big heavenly restroom in the clouds."

"Don't use my baby as an excuse."

Teah thinned her eyes at Hannah.

"You and I have been putting out some huge, hard turds, and I say it's time we make money off of it."

"Now you're speaking my language."

Teah showed Hannah a webpage printout.

"There's an adult entertainment expo coming up at the convention center. I say we get our hair and nails done, put on our sexiest evening attire, and go there to see if we can't land an agent."

"Why do we need an agent?" Hannah asked.

"Agents are like lawyers," Teah explained.

"Forget it," Hannah said. "We'll do it ourselves."

"That's what I told your father before you were born and I ended up losing residual income for the next twenty years."

"Re-sid-uh what?"

Teah exhaled and put her thumb and index finger to the corners of her eyes.

"Baby, you have a lot to learn."

"We're gonna be porn actors?"

"Not actors," Teah said. "Performers."

"What's the big deal, mom? It's all the same thing."

"No, it isn't. It's like sports when they draft the newest, hottest rookies into the professional league. It's business. We do need a manager. But, we first have to put ourselves out there."

"With what?" Hannah asked. "You got money to buy ads?"

"We have to use silent advertising."

"Now I know you're crazy."

"We need to get the attention of the right people."

"How we gonna do that?" Hannah asked.

Teah thought of Jarvis Angeles.

"I have an idea."

----------------------------

Teah and Hannah had two days to prepare for the adult film industry expo.

They visited their favorite spa Tanya's and got a full treatment, thanks to Teah's unemployment benefits.

Teah stressed that if they were to wear open-toe shoes, their feet had to look so good that guys would eat anything off of them from gravy to whipped cream.

Teah stuck with her usual French pedicure while Hannah had her nails painted black. After a heated stone massage, they unwound in the hot tub.

Hannah wore a black full coverage halter top and a swim skirt that covered her big bottom while Teah had on a classy retro one-piece bikini that made her butt look huge.

Teah and Hannah left the spa in yoga pants, t-shirts and flip flops. The minivan was flying through a residential area where the speed limit was 35.

Teah was humming to herself as she whipped around cars going 65 miles per hour.

"Slow down," Hannah said. "What's the rush?"

"We have an appointment to keep."

"With who?"

Then, from behind came flashing lights of a state trooper.

Teah pulled over and put the van in park.

Hannah sat still with her hands folded on her lap, looking straight ahead, toes curling in her flip flops.

Teah rolled down the window.

"Good evening, officer."

The trooper grinned as he looked down at Teah's thick thighs in the black yoga pants.

"Good evening, ma'am."

"You look familiar," Teah said, and winked.

Hannah saw the officer bob his head.

"What's the hurry?" he asked.

"I have to dookie," Teah told him.

"Dookie?" asked the trooper.

"Oh yeah," Teah answered. "I can feel it pressing against my butthole. It hurts so bad, officer."

"Well, you were doing sixty-five..."

"Do you want me to poop on myself, officer?"

The trooper held back a snicker.

"No, ma'am. But, you can't be going that fast. Try to keep it under thirty next time, okay?"

Teah leaned out the window.

"Do you know how bad I have to poop, officer?"

The trooper asked, "May I see your..."

"License and registration?" Teah asked.

She leaned to the right and opened the glove box.

Hannah's heart sank at what she saw on top of the freezer bag that held the vehicle registration.

Teah grabbed the 1 liter bottle of cinnamon whiskey, removed the cap, took a long swig, and held it up at the officer.

"What does this look like to you?" Teah asked.

The trooper thinned his eyes.

"Well, ma'am, that looks like an open container of alcohol."

Oh God no, Hannah thought. This isn't happening.

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Yes, it is."

"Are we in trouble?" Teah asked.

"We?!" Hannah shouted. "That ain't mine!"

"Step out of the vehicle, ma'am."

"Don't you want my license and registration?"

The trooper reached in, unlocked the driver side door and pulled it open. Teah got out and motioned for Hannah to do the same.

"Turn around," he said. "Hands on the van."

Teah turned around with a grin as the state trooper began to search her. Hannah watched in awe as the officer deliberately fondled Teah's thighs and buttocks.

"Turn around," the officer said. "Stay right there."

The trooper went back to his car and sat in it.

Hannah shoved Teah.

"What the fuck are you doing, mom?!"

"Take it easy," Teah said.

"We're going to jail!"

"Just shut up and do what I say."

"He's going to lock us up."

"He's not going to do anything. Just relax."

Teah looked to her worried daughter.

"Do you have to poop?"

"Now I do," Hannah answered.

"Good."

The state trooper returned with Teah's license and registration.

"We have a problem here."

"Of course, we do," Teah said. "I've been caught drinking in my van and I have to take a shit. That means you'll arrest me, impound my van and take me down to the station so I can defecate in one of those nasty toilets, right?"

Hannah looked to the trooper.

His name tag read DAVID.

"We can work something out," Trooper David said.

Hannah's face twisted with bewilderment.

"You said you have to poop?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."

Trooper David hurried to his car, did something to the dash and hurried back.

"Go around to the front of the van."

Teah did what the trooper asked.

"Face on the hood."

Teah lowered her upper body onto the warm hood.

Trooper David placed the whiskey bottle on the hood.

"I'll let this slide, if you and your daughter here take a shit for me."

"What?!" Hannah asked.

"I must warn you," Teah said. "I make big turds."

"Mom, his dash cam is on."

"I turned it off," Trooper David said. "Nobody has to know about this. It'll only take a few minutes."

"No hell," Hannah said. "I ain't doin' it!"

Teah turned to her daughter.

"Get down on the hood, Hannah."

"Mom, this is sexual harassment."

Teah grabbed Hannah by the shirt.

"We've got a chance to be stars online and I'm not about to let you fucked this up for me. I need this. I deserve it!"

"Deserve it?!"

"You either get your pants down, put your face on the hood and spread your cheeks, or you can pack up your things and get out of my house. And that's after you get out of go to jail. And trust me, you don't want to use the toilet downtown."

Hannah moved away from the van.

"Forgive her," Teah said. "She's never pooped for a state trooper before."

"That's fine," said Trooper David.

"I guess I'll have to show her how it's done."

Teah bent forward and thumbed the elastic waist band on her black stretch yoga pants.

She slowly pulled them down just above her knees.

She wasn't wearing underwear.

She spread her butt cheeks open and let Trooper David see the moist folds of flesh that made up her anus. It had tiny blisters around the rim and it moved downward as she flexed her sphincter muscles to get the beast in there moving.

Teah breathed and said, "I've got a nice, hot log for you. You may want to catch it before it falls."

Trooper David quickly kneeled down behind Teah, removed his hat and held it under her butt.

He smiled when he saw the tip of a peanut brittle-looking stool snaking from her anus.

It dangled at three inches with the girth of a cable remote. When the turd broke off, Trooper David saw Teah's pussy lips open, with white cum running down her swollen hymen. She pushed the rest of it out into the hat and her open anus vanished back up between her cheeks.

Teah pulled up her yoga pants.

"Your turn," she told Hannah.

"Mom," Hannah said.

"Take your pants down, Hannah."

Hannah's eyes became glassy.

"Mom, please..."

Teah smacked Hannah in the mouth.

"Pull down your pants and poop."

When Hannah put her head down on the hood, Teah ripped Hannah's yoga pants down.

Hannah gasped, tears wetting her face. She reached around and held her cheeks open.

Trooper David held his shit-loaded hat under Hannah's bottom. Urine blasted out of her while she hissed a long fart.

Teah kept her eyes on Hannah's anus, hoping that it would produce a product to get her foot in the door.

Hannah, however, was outraged and humiliated.

But she didn't want to go to jail. So, she pushed down on whatever was in her rectum.

It came out as a tube of fresh clay that coiled in the hat several times before it stopped.

Teah pulled Hannah up and pushed her away. She led the trooper to his car and had a talk with him.

What they spoke of, Hannah knew not. She was more confused now than when her mother first opened the glove compartment.

As Teah started back to the van, Trooper David got into his car and sped off.

Teah got into the minivan and started it.

Hannah pulled up her yoga pants and hopped in.

They got about half a mile down the road.

"What the fuck just happened?" Hannah asked.

"We just got a booth at the adult expo," Teah said.

"You know him?" Hannah asked. "Of course, you do. You probably fucked him just like you fucked your supervisor's husband. God, you're such a whore."

"Trooper Mitch David happens to be the younger brother of producer Neil David."

"So what?"

Teah looked to Hannah while waiting at a red light.

"Neil David is the biggest fetish porn distributor online. Neil is also a close friend of Jarvis Angeles, the husband of my former supervisor that I fucked."

Teah hit the gas and punched it up to 65.

"Jarvis told Mitch about our website and Mitch told his brother Neil. Neil knows agents and managers in the industry."

Hannah's face was blank for a moment. Then, she grinned when the light bulb in her empty head finally came on.

"Mom, you set this up?!"

"Oh!" Teah said. "Now you get it!"

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Hannah asked.

"So it wouldn't look fake. That's the one thing you have to work on. You have to behave like nobody's watching you and make them believe that it's something you hate to do, even though we know you enjoy it."

"So we exposed ourselves to get a deal?"

"It's business," Teah said. "Now we have to show Neil David we're worthy of representation."

Hannah thought of grocery shopping.

"I have an idea."