All Comments on '750 Word Heartbreak'

You actually had a full story, for a short story of course, when the husband rings off with the wife. Definitely after the brother rings off with the wife.

Had room for one more complete short story left over.

I had copied all his information (including contacts) onto an USB stick incase something went wrong.

When I got home I noticed that my loving??? faithful???? wife was not home (do you blame her) so I went to MY computer and downloaded all Dave's contact and sent a mass email to them stating that he had fucked his brothers wife and should not be trusted,

His business went bust within a short period of time as his clients realised he could not be trusted.

I contacted my parents and told them I would no longer be present at family get togethers if he was going to be there. Naturally they asked why and after I explained the reasons they said "can't you forgive your brother" as he was always the favourite and could do no wrong in their eyes.

I stated "NO WAY and if I see him I will hurt him again and continue to hurt him every time I saw him" They said then you are no longer welcome here. I said FINE fuck you all.

They held me responsible for what happened and have not seen them since. I did not even go to my mothers funeral. Why bother.

When I found out my father was dieing I again was going to ignore him but I found out he needed to see me. He asked, on his death bed, to forgive my brother. I said call him in and I would talk to my brother. My father died seeing me hit my brother in the face again and kicking him in the balls.

My ex-wife witnessed this and realised how much she had hurt me. She tried to intervene on behalf of my brother but when I slammed her into the wall and said to her if she intervened again she would regret it she left the room in tears.

I left the hospital and never returned for the funeral.

*****

Credit where it's due. Clear, concise, complete with a great little story. Excellent! Cheers.

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You Nailed it!

It's "computer," not "computor."

"Did this mean the end of my five year marriage? Could my lovely wife really be cheating on me with my hopeless brother?" - How are those even questions?

"knowing full well what what excuse she had given" - Double word "what." Not quite nailed it.

Felt completed at the end, well done.

A well deserved 5/5

High school English!

Thanks for the quick, fun story. Keep them coming in this 'short' genre.

It was all there - one brief moment of enlightenment. Good job!

One and done, nice job!

BUT

A BRILLIANT last line.

Thanks. 5* (This demonstrates that 10 pages stories are unnecessary)

As Paul Harvey used to say, where is the rest of the story?

Neatly done, 5* without hesitation. Just need to check spelling of computer.

No, this particular example suggests that Britease, a master of the flash story, hasn’t lost his touch. It doesn’t mean that ten-page stories and multi-chapter stories aren’t needed. You cannot tell every story in 750 words.

Finally!!! A story worth the time to read 750 words. That was vintage Britease , a complete story in a few paragraphs.

This...I like.

Short and sweet. Cheaters exposed because arrogant. A wife lost her husband/meal ticket. And a brother lost his sibling/respect within his own family.

Oh snap!

Both computor and computer have become acceptable in uk. Of course where I actually live we call it ‘un ordinateur’

A complete job as it left me without a question. Well done.

Classic

I was wondering why our best flash story writer hadn't entered the lists....

5*

I'm sorry but for BE this is truly only a 3.5*. For 95% of the writers here it would be a 6*, but not for BE. I typically judge his stories by how loud I laugh. Today not even a guffaw. Maybe it takes more room to develop the humor. Maybe, just maybe, its me today. I don't sense any mischief or tongue in cheek here.

'Then the phone alongside me rang, and without thinking about it, I answered it."

Clearly, he didn't answer it correctly. It's so annoying when people don't answer the phone politely and identify themselves. It has become a quite serious problem these days, as this quick little story from Britease has so neatly demonstrated.

If brother Dave possessed proper telephone technique, Kim would have missed his usual identifier "Good morning, this is Dave". She would have realised it wasn't him and somebody else was answering his phone and it would be unwise to say the things she subsequently said.

If Mike had used proper telephone technique, he would have picked up the phone and answered with "Good morning, Dave's phone. This is his brother Mike" and again that would have avoided the problem for Kim.

Kim herself with her first question "Is that you?" also demonstrated a serious lack of telephone technique. So now, this poor unfortunate woman has made a series of careless statements that has led to major assault, probable divorce proceedings, and destruction of a computer with expensive loss of data.

The moral to the story is clear. Good telephone technique is essential to the smooth functioning of our society.

Lue

Good story as usual! I wish you still posted stories regularly.

Witty and well done. Thanks for some talent, for a change today.

While I understand it’s a 750 word flash story comp, would have loved that one to go longer. Thanks.

We have a story where the cheaters suffer a little payback. Great story.

A really great story, finely draughted (or is that drafted?) 😊

Chur m8 awsum story

⭐⭐⭐⭐

One of the best! Original and nice ending. Welcome back.

‘Nuff said!

Pretty excellent. Not sure why he didn't take the opportunity to pound his brother, I certainly would have, but I guess we all march to a different drummer. Oh well, there's still time... there's still plenty of time.

I think this story sits at the top of the 750 word heap. Well done, Brit. 5 stars.

The ending paragraph was the best!

Not bad, not bad at all. Disappointing though, this could go on a lot longer.

Jedd Clampett (carvohi)

A five of course.

Not computOr, it's computEr.

Last time I had to tell you about Alfa Romeo, not Alpha.

That's a lot of story in 750 words. Good job.

Well done

Short, sharp and shiny.

Also read I wish I could shit on all of you

Bye

Enjoyed it. Great to see you posting stories again!!

Computer = Machine that calculates

Both are valid words.

This means most spell checkers won't spot the confused usage, just like mixing up "to" and "too".

Thanks for a great flash story, otherwise!

5*

:-)

wheres the rest of it?

Something about being a real dummy comes to mind. Will the wife get a divorce and marry the brother? Should make for interesting holidays. Still laughing!

WTF???!!!

You’re having a bit of fun with us. You must be.

Well done epilogue. You, as well as Britease, get 5-stars.

This story is original and refreshing!

Excellent!

Short and sweet. Sometimes that's all you need.

Five Stars

Hit him again a lot!

Now to deal with the wife...

states evidence is off the calendar since self incrimination has been invoked. TK U MLJ LV NV

< seven hundred and forty nine, seven hundred and fifty.... nailed it .....

MS Word says 756 words including the count down at the end which ISN'T part of the story, so no, you didn't NAIL it!

Who the fuck answers someone else's phone without them asking you to?

Too short

I can understand that being constrained to 750 words for a story is a challenge for a writer but for a reader it sucks.

5* Short and to the point story with a rather nice burn of his shitbird bro.

Just one punch???????

Good one but would like the story continue when Dave got home.

Short and sweet.

Would really like the rest of the story, but it seems like you don’t always write complete stories?

Oh well, blame it on the 750 word limit without need to write a 2nd or 3rd part and actually have an ending!

How unique would that be.

You are so creative with many of your storylines, it then they just flounder and leave your readers in the lurch.

Please don’t leave such a great opportunity to just wisp away.

straight to the point

Great story, one of BT’s very best.

That ole Mike, he ain't got no sense of humor!

Like his story though, giving it a 5 ......

I like it, though he shouldn't have stopped at just one punch.

Every time I reread this I love it more.

Yep. Maybe a kick to the balls as well. D

Good one but how many times did you have to add and delete words to reach exactly 750? LOL!

Nice premise for a story. I would have liked it not to be a 750 word project, as it could have been developed more.

4 stars

Good start for a story. Needs an ending though.

You would finish this

And there you have it. Another story premise squandered on the 750 challenge. With such a thirst for mayhem and carnage in the LW section I am surprised it rates more than 3 stars

hate none stories,750 to short to get into,but i liked this none story..4 stars...JZK

Miss the Brit.

When done right, there are no missing words and no awkward sentences. This one was done right. Nothing forced and everything connected. Anyone who doesn't know the ending to this doesn't understand the story. Beat the brother, divorce the wife, move on to find happiness. Good job.

very nice!

Good, but only part of the story.

[11.01.23]

Well Done!

11/10!!!!!

The only thing that spoiled it was the use of 'computor' instead of 'computer'.

5* excellent story for such a short one. Just the other day I thought someone else called me and I started to talk what caller must have thought was nuts.

Good story, but missing the wife's reaction.

I just did a quick Google search. I won't claim that it was exhaustive, but as best that I can find, "computor" is obsolete usage both for a person or a machine that computes. Sorry, Anonymous, it appears that your attempt to validate "computor" is incorrect.

Perfect word count, nearly perfect story. It just needs expansion to a full story.

Nice.

A short story might be able to explain more,

but probably not be as much fun.

To me this was a great story.

From me it gets top ratings.

Enjoyed the story. Thanks for your writing.

Humorous

How much is story? But at least it was funny.

;-) thanks for a fun read.

She's calling her b-i-l Dave, asking about her husband Mike. Wouldn't she say, "Mike's left a message" rather than "My husband's...?" If you needed the extra word, she could have said, "Mike has left a message..."

\

Of course, you'd still need to find a word to replace the extra "what" in "what what!"

Good one.

Awesome! 5*****

The good thing about this is that he not only lost his cheating wife but also his useless brother.....all in one shot. Lucky guy!

Nice.

Works on computers but can’t spell it? A computor is one who computes. (Look it up)

He needs to buy several lottery tickets. He's done quite well in having dumped several major problems at once.

Short and sweet just like the end of his marriage Good work (jaybee186)

Works for me. Thanks, Britease, that’s a great little ‘Short’ story.

D.