All Comments on 'A Clean Break'

Cannot take to this guy, Arnie. What is there about him that is likeable?

Honestly Arnie should have killed Saul, and kept Marian chained as a sex slave for the other three to use

Yeah sure happens all the time.

.

NOT!!!

I like demander's writing but this story, not so much. The writing is technically good but even if the reader suspends disbelief, it's hard to understand why he has anything to do with Marian when she shows up at his new home in California. Some of demander's previous stories have complicated "unconventional" relationships, but he has built the characters in such a way that it makes some sense. But there is no build up about Marian particularly. There is the usual "empty nest" explanation and her obviously no longer having much sexual attraction for the pudgy Arnie,but nothing to explain why Saul is drawn to her to the point that he moves from the D.C. area to California on the off-chance he might get Marian.

Same with Saul, what's the attraction? He's flat as a character and no rounding out to understand why the women are drawn to him. Finally, the "Ending?" I assume it's meant to signify that Arnie has ditched Marian for Beth and Claire and presumably, Saul and Marian have now hooked up. For this reader, that's a lame sort of conclusion. Much ado about not very much. I appreciate the effort but this story just doesn't do it for me.

Saul would be persona non grata around the homestead andy new diner after pulling that just show up at my house shit. He'd be lucky he walked outta there that day under his own power after he pulled that stunt. But regardless of how he moves forward Arnie should jettison Marion, she just won't let her infatuations go and Is simply more trouble than she's worth.

Bizarre but well written.

5 stars

Eh, I'm gonna guess some might like this story, but honestly, I think it's a fairly poor one.

MC isn't likable or a particularly sympathetic character after he just runs off and cuts off his entire family.

Confused.com

Interesting!

5

Are Arnie and Saul still around?

Still on page one.... 90 percent of Lit writers use discrete wrong, intending discreet. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. Back to the story...

The usual trainwreck

A fucked up mess

Started well but could t digest it later

Much more of an up in the air ending than I'm used to with this author.

After thinking about it I actually feel badly for Saul. He didn't do anything wrong. He went out with a separated woman who was likely getting divorced. She led him on and strung him along as a backup in case things fell apart again with Arnie. When he went to San Diego he was very up front and honest with everyone including Arnie. Gives his cheating ex another chance so his family can be together. Now possibly Beth is going to fuck around with Arnie? Maybe Saul gets time with Marian out of the whole deal. Maybe he never gets a shot at her and Beth cheats again?

I like you as an author, just not a fan of polyamory.

So, Marian is out of the picture? Annie made it very clear if she went with Saul, she was not coming back.

Overall, very good. Great outcome for the betrayed husband until the murky ending.

That is NOT the definition of a "clean break"

Not up to your normal standards. I'm sorry. but I just couldn't bring myself to finish it.

I gave up three quarters of the way through

Decent story, but did you just lose interest at the end?

Crappy ending.

A touch abrupt but also evocative

Damn. The story was (is) great except the ending is like a wet dream where you wake up just before the ending (climax). 5 stars.

Written fairly well. Unlike others, author is capable of handling multiple characters without confusion.

I expect some outcry for author to continue, if so, I will not read it, but blithely provide a “one star” rating.

I am delighted with the ending as written, as in my mind the newspaper mention tells me that bitch Marion is now completely ‘out of the picture.’ She will remain, as from the outset, a manipulative pig.

Well, if he had remained the same chubby Arnie, would Claire have noticed him? Unlikely. So, in the end, his transformation and reincarnation, oddly enough, he owes to the unfinished betrayal of Marian. So it turns out that women are in charge of everything again, and until men get some kind of shake-up from them, they continue to move along the path of least resistance. The Russians have such a joking saying: "A hedgehog is not a bird, until you kick it, it will not fly."

Miriam was just a slut for Saul. She should have been on the side of the road the first time she started this, "it's not fair" shit. I'm not a big fan of husband's being pussys and disappearing. I don't get why she couldn't find him or explain she didn't didn't have sex, through the kids. They were non existent in the story until him getting back in touch. But, she never talked with them all throughout that time.

Implausible story line. Typical Demander stuff. Abrupt, unfinished ending. Three stars ⭐️ for this one.

Typical demander story- if everybody's having sex with every one else, then nobody's cheating. Brilliant idea.

Sheesh.

Claire certainly looks the most deprived, unequal and weak-willed here. Although, if I correctly caught the author's hints about her bisexuality, then perhaps she is not so unhappy.

Needs a second chapter where he fucks Beth and her daughter, as soon as she is of legal age, of course!!!!

Started out well then disappeared down the toilet. I don't think I've ever read another story that contained so many adult characters with so little loyalty or self control. Two stars.

Story appeared lost as if you didn't know what avenue to explore. Too many options. 3 ***

I must be doing something wrong. I am 5'8, balding, WAS pudgy. Lost the weight but it took me almost a year and not just a few months. Did shave the head (well to a #1 and not clean shaven), didn't quit my job or sell the company but make great bucks. Yet the ladies are not flocking to me and I have no desire to have sex with my ex (who likes the new look but never threw herself at my feet).

Oh well.

Good story, far fetched but it’s a story . Thanks for writing it.

What in the hillbilly horseshit is this crap?

Did they make a new-age commune? Arnie better build a new house, kind of tight in an RV for five people gallivanting. Thanks for the story.

Oh dear!

Just a bunch of sluts, I started skipping over sections once Marian showed up at Arnie's RV and he jumped into bed with her instead of telling her off.

Only in California.

I used to like your stories, after reading this disgusting one,I have decided to never read anymore story written by you.

Did start well but another wimp husband and a slut wife, I don't get the fascination with the authors making every guy into a sexual dynamo theres no reality to this.

You kind of wandered all over the road with this one and then just went over a cliff. For as many words as you spent building up to cliffhanger, you sure left a lot of material unwritten about how their decision worked out.

Fun story

So is Beth just roasting out with Marian or did they trade beth for Marian?

What happened with Marian and Saul

"A Clean Break."

<>

Biggest misnomer I've ever seen on Literotica.

Jeeze. This can’t be the end.

Arnie said his wife fucked around. She proved she didn't in crunch-time.He was fucking Claire and was open about it. I think they're all whores and whoremasters. Todd should put his wang in Diane, and if she's unprotected, move her and the baby in the zoo, called home. They're all nuts!

Went down the drain after this polyamory nonsense.....

The denouement was rushed, in my opinion. It was a good tale, though.

So when the music stopped Saul and Marian were left standing because two chairs had been removed.. Trip to Paradise in the cloakroom for them maybe? The storyline was a lot more interesting than the usual LW. Believable? Not so much. Fun? Decidedly! 5 stars for a well written piece of entertainment. Thanks!

Very good story, but you lost it at the finish.

One of my pet peeves...

Discreet: made, done, or situated so as to attract little notice

Discrete: consisting of unconnected distinct parts

Here endeth the lesson.

Still, 4 stars

I just didn't really like anyone.

Just didn't like the polyamorous angle one single bit. And it was a bit flat

i could have done wihout this story...

"As sands through the hourglass, these are The Days of our Lives"

Sorry, too verbose too Estrogen filled I almost had a period!!

Seemed like you just couldn't decide on an ending and screwed it all up.

Arnie is just as much of a selfish prick as Mirian is a bitch.

I almost didn't finish it... these hubby runaway stories are all the same, just as all cuck stories are alike. Then, this one truly followed Alice down the rabbit hole. Not your best, but at least you took a chance and strayed from the Usual LW Story.

Never trust a cheater. Annie should have not let her back in his life. Beth is written a a slut unable to control herself. Untrustable in romantic situations and business.

Technically the story is well written. Unfortunately, the story has problems. There was no mention that Arnie owned the business. How could he sell it without his wife's knowledge and her getting a decent part of the money, unless there was a legal document about that - big issue here. The motorcycle appeared out of thin air. Having sex for the first time with someone new and no discussion about STDs and pregnancy? Wow, that's like playing Russian roulette. Only 3 months to get in shape at 45 years old? The military can do it in 8 - 9 weeks for 18 - 23 year olds in basic training. The body doesn't work that well after 20 years sitting at a desk. It would take more than 3 months. Overall - too many plot holes, and an absurd plot that was left hanging. This is not up to your usual effort.

Too convoluted. 2*

People are so critical, yes the relationship was messy, but most relationships are. This relationship is messier than most. But it is working so in the end, who care. Thanks for writing

Well, that really came off the rails. Two stars.

Hard to believe that Arnie moves from Virginia all the way across the US to the same high school area in California where Beth and daughter Diane live so that in the future, Arnie’s son Todd and Diane know each other at school. And there are no villages in San Diego County! Cities and towns. No villages. Research before establishing a sense of place.

Convoluted and Entertaining. Maybe call it "There's Something About Arnie". Damn.

Definitely not going to move to California!

Irony ! That's the title...Gave you 4⭐️s.

Made me laugh and shake my head in disbelief. Very much excellent entertainment 👌.

I'm

*

*

*

*

AMerryman

It jumped the shark with the polyamory and Saul & Beth plot line.

No, not for me.

Did you get bored writing near the end?

and on and on and on. I quit reading it twice but eventually got thru it. Only to feel like I was right the first time.

The original premise was good but then .. End it or fix it, never happened. I usually like your stories but this one.

Not so much

Something is missing.

A clean breeeaaaaaakkkkkmaybenotabreakbutpolyamory?

Couldn’t finish it.

I agree that something is missing.

Saul was a total bottom feeder full of jelousy, envy, and hate. He had no honor or valor, one who does would not pursue a married and then follow her to California then try to slime Claire seemed he just needed to take something from Arnie. Mauria has cheating slut in her bones, she started all the calamity with wanting to cuckold her husband and wasn't against lying to her husband either, then she had no problem giving Slimy Saul her number, and then later had the audacity to ask to have Saul on the side, then for an open marriage, saying it would only be fare. Bull excrement so fk'n what if Arnie got two love's! It is about intent and honesty and respect, Arnie had never intended to have 2 women in his heart, he never lied to either of them(about anything) he was forthright, honest and respectful. From the start and being with both was because he honored and respected them both not from a need for strange, or a need to get even....so shove your "it is only fare to let his wife have some extra to" argument right up your feministic rectum...

A totally average but eminently happy marriage melts down over a midlife crisis plan, that almost but doesn’t quite pan out due to a well timed panic attack. The players then suddenly degenerate into a surprisingly open polyamorous three way that changed one member’s mind about F-F activity and restricts another from getting some on the side just like her husband. Then everyone winds up happy having dinner with the 4th player who has reconciled with hi ex wife, a 5th player that is into the other husband (or is he an ex husband?) but before that have a five some they buy a diner where they all live happily ever after. And just to add complexity, it seems like a different author wrote the story pre-Arnie leaving than wrote the second part. The voices and style are that different.

Ok. Maybe a bit beyond believable, but it made a good tale in the end. I did need a scorecard though. Now in part two after they all got together we’ll need Saul to develop a thing for Arnie, but Arnie insist if he agrees Saul will surrender Beth to live with Arnie, and Saul can only sleep with any of them once a month, twice if he works in the diner wearing a maid uniform and…

Actually, this could be fun. Maybe George Anderson can write an alternate ending.

Thanks for writing! It was fun.

FTDS. Marion fucked Saul and got divorced from our hero and the three running the restaurant became the new trouple.

I couldn't finish it either, it seemed like some pod alien took over Arnie. His initial reaction was normal. Then, Marian finally got to present her evidence of not sealing the deal with her boss AND she pledged total faithfulness to Arnie if he would take her back. Upon learning about Saul, the old Arnie would have kicked Marian to the curb... she was STILL lusting for strange cock.

I admit that I didn't finish this & don't know how it turned out. I’m not a fan of male characters that react to infidelity with decisive action, then at some point change to a man that would allow a woman back into his life, even though she’s still lusting for strange, ESPECIALLY when he already had a better option.

Sorry, but this one will not be a favorite.

A few inconsistent bits his transformation seemed abrupt but dang that was a fun story and lots of room for a continuation

I hope there will be a 2nd chapter, but I'll understand if there isn't.

This was good... very good... even if the end looked like the intro to more of a story about this interesting mix of characters and situations.

5 stars...

It seemed to me that Saul magically appeared in the RV when Arnie, Marion, and Claire first discussed the new arrangement.

What a tiresome plot line. The author has to arrange for “our hero” to hide from every aspect of his life. From his family and all of his support structures. How unnatural! How many guys have you known that have pulled this nonsense of running away and torching their lives?

Little boys run away from mommy when they’re mad. And they refuse to speak, and act out and break things. I really wonder about the maturity and emotional stability of the readers who love this weird trope. Really masochistic and self-destructive. It’s sad, really. It would be easier to have some empathy for them if the weren’t such assholes.

I sooo agree with @Ruttweiler below. That is the most stupid trope used in these kind of stories. Real men do not do this

I'm going to take everyone's advice and bail on this Femdom agitprop fantasy.

Although I didn’t care for the ending the story itself was very well written, even professional I enjoy reading this author very much

Great ending. Failed to satisfy the RAACs or BTBs or many confused others. Magnificent. Five flaming stars.

Really that's how your gonna end the story -15

got too crazy the minute the 3some started.

Well written, developed but batshit crazy.

Good writing can’t save a weak story.

What a load of nothing.

Hardly an ending.

Well written. The plot could be tightened up a bit, especially the ending, but it was readable and reasonably complete, and I enjoyed it. Hopefully constructive criticism: mixing British and American English is jarring. Even relatively subtle ones stick out and interrupt the flow. If you're using an American setting, probably better to stick with American usage.

Ended too soon, unfinished tale yet to be told.

Stupid story!

Reading some of the other comments, I believe you need another chapter. Good story, but you should "FTDS". Stay safe.

I have noticed an awful lot of contributors on this site do not know the difference between "discreet" and "discrete", use a fucking dictionary for fuck sake.

Enjoyed the restaurant. Thanks for your writing.

I do like your kind of clean break. ;-)

Thank you!

Disaster in the making. Polyamory never works. Threesomes almost never work. It’s going to go off the rails quickly

Big hole in your story is the VIN / serial number for the RV. The dealership will not divulge that information. You cannot contact a dealer with a name even if they bought his automobile, expect the dealer to provide a product and VIN # that purchased. That is confidential information. With that in mind the balance of your story doesn't happen like the way you laid it out.