A Clean Start

***

Things had been going pretty much the same for the past few weeks. I worked out with Toby three days a week. Mike would stop by on the way home once or twice during the week and usually for a few hours on Saturday afternoons. I went out with Toby, Kristy and Max most Friday or Saturday nights, depending on their schedules.

I was embarrassed when I realized after that second weekend that Kristy was Toby's sister, not his girlfriend. It was strange going out with them. They were all so outgoing and fun. I was shy and quiet, but when I was with them I had a good time and I laughed a lot. Max was really funny and always made me laugh. I liked Max, but I was starting to develop a crush on Toby.

Even though no one said anything, I realized that Toby was indeed gay. He was very protective of me when we were out, but it was like he had a split personality. He would be attentive and friendly one second and then the next he'd back off and ignore me. I thought maybe he liked me, but was being respectful of my 'relationship' with Mike.

Saturday late in afternoon, Mike and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and having a snack.

"Pete! Hey, Pete!" I heard from outside.

I walked out to the patio door and looked outside. Max was standing in front of his Mustang smoking a cigarette. I opened the patio door and stepped out.

"Max, be quiet," I hissed.

"Have you heard from Tank?" he asked.

"No. He's probably still at work if he's not at home."

AHEM.

Mike stepped out onto the patio and cleared his throat. He glared at Max. Max took a final drag of his smoke, then stomped it out and exhaled. He walked up to the patio and held out his hand to Mike.

"You must be the boyfriend," he said. "I'm Max."

"Mike."

I saw Max eye Mike up and down and then cut his eyes at me. Toby's rumbling pickup truck pulled in next to my Jeep.

"There's To-- I mean Tank now," I said.

Toby hopped out of his truck wearing his hospital scrubs. They were stained with God knows what from who knows where. Toby walked up to my patio and stood next to Max.

"Hey y'all," he said. "The ER was a nightmare today. I need a shower bad."

"You smell like shit," Max said.

"Hey, I don't think we've formally met," Toby said to Mike. "I'm Tank."

"Mike."

Mike shook Toby's hand and then said "Excuse us."

He slid open the patio door and then motioned for me to go inside. I glanced back at them and they were looking at each other as they walked to the terrace to go into Toby's apartment.

"You're not going out with them," Mike stated.

"What?"

"I don't like them. I don't like the way they look at you."

"But, they're my friends."

"Don't be naive. They're not your friends. They just want to fuck you."

"That's not true, Mike. They're they only friends I have. Trevor and Annie are too busy with the baby coming, so I don't get to see them hardly ever."

"I don't like it. You're not going."

"That's not fair. You expect me to sit around the apartment alone?"

"I expect you to not slut around behind my back."

"Fine," I pouted. "I'll stay home."

"Good. I gotta get going. I'll try to call you later tonight."

"Why? To check up on me?" I said sarcastically.

"Don't do that. It's not cute."

I sighed.

"Listen, Peter. I know you're frustrated. You want more time with me, I know that. I'm working on it, okay? Soon, you'll have me for a whole night, okay?"

I nodded and wiped my eyes and sniffled. "Okay."

"Okay. Now give me a kiss before I go."

Mike gave me a hug and a deep kiss and then left.

When Toby, Max and Kristy stopped by later, I told them I wasn't feeling well and that I was staying home.

"That's bullshit," Max said. "Did he tell you not to go out with us?"

I shook my head and said, "No. I just don't feel well."

"Just leave it, Max," Toby said. "If Petey doesn't want to go with us, he doesn't have to."

I shut the door and bolted it. The look on Toby's face hurt. I wasn't sure if it was anger or disappointment or maybe both. I leaned up against the door and cried.

***

I continued to work out with Toby for the next few weeks, and he was friendly but guarded. After asking me to go out with them and me making excuses not to go, they stopped asking.

Mike kept coming by for quickies during the week and longer Saturdays. Over the weeks, Mike had become much more intimate with me. He was gentle and loving and called me 'baby.'

One Saturday, he was finally able to get away all day. We had lunch together, spent all afternoon in bed, making love twice. We dressed up in suits and went out to a very nice dinner and then returned to my apartment.

Mike was sitting on the couch looking particularly sexy in his suit. I straddled him and sat down on his lap. His hands massaged my ass as we kissed and made out. He was pushing up into me and I was grinding my ass on the hard bulge in his suit pants.

He broke the kiss and whispered huskily, "Take your clothes off, baby."

As I slowly undressed in front of Mike, he unzipped his pants and pulled out his hard cock and began stroking it until I was complete naked. I knelt in front of the couch. I kissed and licked him all over over the shaft before I finally took the head into my mouth. I looked up at him and met his eyes as he watched me suck him. He was still wearing his suit jacket, shirt and tie and he looked really hot. He pulled me up off my knees and pulled me onto his lap. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a lubricated condom. He unwrapped it and rolled it onto his cock. He spit into his fingers and smeared it into my asshole. I whimpered and moaned. He spit again and smeared it on his latex-covered dick head. He moved me into position and grabbed my waist and pushed me down onto him.

I cried out and leaned into him and buried my head in his chest waiting for the pain to subside. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, then started thrusting up into me nice and slow. I held onto his shoulders and he kissed me. He grabbed the sides of my waist and began bouncing me up and down on his shaft faster and faster.

We were kissing hard, our tongues wrestling and playing with each other. He was holding my hips tight as he furiously thrust up into me. I bounced hard up and down trying to bring him pleasure.

"Oh, fuck! Yeah, baby, that's it! You got it, baby! I'm coming!"

He gripped me tightly and held me as he pushed his hips up and held still. I could feel his dick jerking wildly inside me as he shot his load over and over. I relaxed onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt him soften and slip out of me and I climbed off his lap and sat next to him.

I looked down at his crotch. The condom hung off his semi-erect penis. Mike pulled it off and tied the end and handed it to me. I pulled on my t-shirt and underwear, walked to the bathroom and tossed the condom into the trash. I washed my hands and wet a washcloth with warm water. I walked back into the living room and sat down next to Mike and carefully cleaned his dick with the washcloth. He winked at me and stuffed it back into his pants and I cuddled up next to him on the couch.

"I wish you could stay the night, Mike."

"You know I can't."

"I know, but don't you sometimes wish you could? Just one night... one night to not have to pretend."

"Pretend?"

"Yeah, to stay the night with me and be yourself for once and not have to worry or pretend to be something you're not."

Mike pushed me off him. His face turned red. "I'm not pretending nothing. I love my wife and kids. I'm not leaving them to be with some faggot if that's what you're thinking."

My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe he was talking to me like this. "Mike, I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

Mike stood up and went to the bedroom and grabbed his bag.

I put my hand on his arm as he walked towards the front door. "Mike--"

He shrugged my hand off him and turned and pointed his finger in my face. His face was beet red and he was pissed. "I'm straight, you got that? You're the faggot. I fuck your ass and you suck my cock. That's all this is ever gonna be."

My eyes filled with tears. "I--"

"You knew that going in. You knew what you were doing. You walk into the office batting your eyes at me, shaking your ass. You faggots love straight dick and you'll take it any way you can, won't you?"

"Stop calling me that," I said as the tears fell down my face.

"Why? That's what you are."

"Yeah, that's right, that's what I am. Is that what you want to hear? You know what's the difference between you and me? At least I'll admit I'm a faggot instead of playing make believe with a wife and kids."

Mike backhanded me hard across the face and I stumbled backwards. I covered my right cheek and gasped.

"Get out," I cried.

Mike's eyes widened in shock. "Oh, Jesus. Peter, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby."

He reached out to hug me.

"Get out!" I sobbed.

I walked to the door and opened it. Mike picked up his bag and left. I laid down on the couch and cried.

When I heard a knock on the door a few minutes later, I wasn't sure if I heard it or not. I sniffled and listened for a second. The knock was louder this time.

"Petey? Are you okay?" said Toby's voice from the other side.

I wiped my eyes and opened the door a crack.

"Hi, Tank. I don't really feel good tonight, so I don't think I can go out with you guys."

Toby pushed his way into my apartment and shut the door behind him.

"I wasn't trying to listen, but I heard shouting when I came home. I heard your boyfriend leave and I thought I heard you crying."

Toby turned my face and looked at my cheek. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" he asked in a calm and quiet voice.

I shook my head.

"I'll be right back," he said.

He got up and went into the kitchen. I sat down on the couch as I heard him go through a couple of drawers and then open the freezer. He returned with a towel filled with ice cubes. He gently held it to my face. He was being so sweet and tender. I started to cry and then started sobbing. He put his arms around me and held me.

"It was awful, Toby," I said. "We were cuddling on the couch one second and the next he was yelling at me that he wasn't leaving his wife for a faggot."

Toby tensed up momentarily and then softened and kept one arm around me and the other holding the ice on my face.

"He said such awful things and I got upset and then I said," I sniffled before continuing. "I said at least I can admit what I am instead of pretending with a wife."

"Ouch," Toby said quietly. "I guess that's when he did this?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "He said he was sorry."

"I'm sure."

"I don't think I can see him again after that, no matter how sorry he is."

"I'm not here to judge you, Pete. But, this guy has issues he needs to work out for himself. You can't help him with that. You'll end up getting hurt if you try."

"You're surprisingly calm, Toby. It's kind of freaking me out."

"Well, it's instinct, I guess, because of my job. But don't worry, on the inside I'm trying to think of ways I can kill the fucking son of a bitch without getting caught."

I started to laugh, but the pain in my cheek stopped me. "Ow."

Toby chuckled. "You're gonna be okay, Petey."

I heard a knocking in the distance.

"That's probably Max," Toby said. "Why don't we go over to my place and hang out? I got enough beer and whatever else we need."

I nodded and we stood up. I headed to the door, but Toby looked me up and down and said, "You might want to put some clothes on."

"Oh!" I blushed in embarrassment as I realized I was only wearing a t-shirt and briefs. I went into my bedroom and pulled on a shirt and some sweat pants. I went out to the living room and the door was open and Toby was talking to Max in the hallway. I pulled my door shut and locked it and followed them in to Toby's apartment.

I had never been in Toby's apartment before. It was the same as mine, but the mirror image. It was decorated really nicely for a single guy.

I sat down on the couch with Max. Toby returned with an ice pack and bottles of beer for the three of us and sat down on the other side of me. I held the ice pack as I sipped my beer. I glanced at Max a couple of times. He looked really pissed off.

"Are you okay, Max?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine," he grumbled.

"You're not upset with me are you?" I asked as I blinked back tears.

Max's face softened. "Of course not, Pete. It's your boyfriend. I'm gonna kill that motherfucker!"

"Knock it off, Max," Toby said. "You're not helping."

"Maybe you don't care that Pete has a black eye, but I sure as fuck do. I mean, what kind of asshole hits a little guy like Pete?"

My cell phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen to see:

MIKE SHEPPARD: im sorry peter

Max leaned over looked at the screen. "Fuck that shit! 'Sorry' my ass! Tell him to fuck off. Give me your phone."

Max grabbed the phone out of my hand.

"Max!" Toby yelled. "Just ignore him, Petey."

"Who? Mike or Max?" I said and laughed. Toby and Max joined in.

The three of us sat on the couch and watched football, drank beer and ate popcorn. I had a really good time and I felt so much better. At some point, I fell asleep against Toby's shoulder. When I woke up, I sat up and he looked completely uncomfortable.

"Sorry, Toby," I said.

"It's okay, Petey."

Max sighed and shook his head. I yawned. "I guess I should go. I'm tired." I said goodbye and thanked them for being so nice and I went back to my apartment and went to bed.

***

That next afternoon, Mike called me. I debated on whether or not to answer it and I decided I should since I had to work with him the next day. He apologized again and said he'd make it up to me. I told him that I accepted his apology, but that I couldn't see him anymore. I told him that I deserved better than being someone's second choice. He said he wanted things to go back to the way they were and he'd give me some time to think about it.

That week at work was pretty uncomfortable. In the Monday morning staff meeting, someone actually asked me what happened to my face. I simply said that "I was careless and stupid and this is what I got in return". I avoided Mike when I could, but still did my work.

Thursday in the break room, he said he wanted to come over, but I told him no and that I thought it would be best if we were just co-workers. I could tell he was frustrated and angry and wanted to talk more, but there were people in the break room.

Friday afternoon, Andrea called me into her office and shut the door. She told me that Mike said that I had been ignoring some of his phone calls and requests and that I had made a mistake and had to re-do it, which cost a day. I was stunned. She said she was disappointed that I was slacking off already. I promised her that I'd try harder.

When I got to the gym after work, Toby was already there. I waved to him and went into the locker room to get changed. Max walked in and took the empty locker nearest me.

"Hey, Pete."

"Hi, Max."

I got undressed and quickly pulled on my jockstrap as Max started removing his paramedics uniform.

"Looking good, Pete," Max said quietly.

I blushed and smiled and hurriedly pulled on my shorts and t-shirt. As I walked out of the locker room, I glanced back and stole a peek at Max's naked body. He caught me looking and winked. I blushed and hurried out to start my workout with Toby. Max worked out with us and then continued on weight training with Toby while I did my cardio on the treadmill.

After working out, the three of us walked into the locker room. As we got undressed and walked to the shower, I told them what happened at work today. Both Max and Toby were pissed.

I'm not sure what it was, but I wasn't feeling very shy today. When I turned and caught Toby looking at my ass, I smiled at him and blushed bright red and he actually looked embarrassed and turned away. Later he caught me looking at his huge uncut dick and I blushed again and he chuckled.

After we got dressed, we all drove to Chili's and had dinner together. Max wanted to go out, so he took off and Toby and I returned home.

Toby looked at his watch. "It's still early. You got any beer?"

I invited Toby in, and we sat on the couch and watched TV and sipped our beer. Toby was leaned back on the couch with both of his arms on the back of the couch. I was on his left, sitting cross legged facing him. We were talking and laughing and flirting with each other. I ran my finger over the tattoo on his left arm, tracing the points with my index finger.

"You like my ink?" he asked with a chuckling grin and pulled his t-shirt sleeve up so I could see and touch more of it.

"Yeah, it's really cool. And the cross on your other arm is really beautiful."

Once second we were smiling at each other and suddenly his smile was gone. He looked away for a second and then said he needed to get going. He had to be at work early in the morning. I walked him to the door and I touched his hand and squeezed it. "Goodnight, Toby."

"Night, Petey."

He gave me a half-hearted smile and I closed the door behind him.

***

Monday morning when I got to work, I got in a little bit early and really got into my work. I wasn't slacking, but I wanted there to be no doubt that I was doing my best and doing good work.

When my desk phone rang and I saw it was M SHEPPARD in the caller ID, I picked up right away. He wanted to see me in his office, so I went in and he shut the door behind me. I backed away from him.

"Peter, please don't be afraid of me," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I really do care about you, and I know you know that. I'm sorry for what I said to Andrea. I was pissed at you and when she and I were talking... it just came out wrong."

"Okay..."

"We need to work together. I want us to be friends, okay?"

I nodded.

"So, we're good?"

"We're good."

"You'll call him off then?"

"What?"

"You know, Peter. Your neighbor across the hall."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Mike seemed to be agitated and upset. "Peter, he came to the house. He told me to leave you alone or I'd be sorry. He said if people found out about us, all you had lose was a job, but I'd lose a whole lot more. My wife can't find out, Peter."

My mouth fell open. I was speechless and I was angry. Toby didn't have any right to do that.

"It's okay, Mike. I won't tell anyone and I'll tell Tank to leave you alone."

Mike gave me a friendly hug and I hugged him back.

When I got to the gym, I was still mad at Toby. When he came into the locker room as I was getting dressed, I confronted him about it.

"Why did you go to Mike's house, Tank? Why would you do that?"

"I was trying to help you, Petey."

"I didn't ask for your help. I can take care of myself!"

I slammed my locker shut and walked past him and got on the treadmill and ignored him when he came out. By the time I had been on the treadmill for 30 minutes, I had calmed down some. I could see his reflection in the mirrors. He was really hitting the weights hard. He brow was furrowed and he was scowling. I sighed and got off the treadmill and grabbed a towel. I wiped my head and walked over to him.

"Toby?" I said quietly.

He stopped doing his hammer curls and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I know you were trying to help and I overreacted."

Toby racked his weights and sighed. "I shouldn't have stuck my nose in where it doesn't belong. I just don't like to see my friends get hurt."

I smiled. "Do you want to go grab dinner? My treat?"

Toby grinned. "Sure."

Toby and I returned to the locker room and showered next to each other. I shyly smiled as I checked him out and he just smirked and let me look. I could tell he kept looking at my ass. After getting dressed, we drove to Longhorn and had a couple of steaks for dinner. We had a nice quiet conversation. I found out a lot more about him. He and his older sister Kristy were always very close. He was 27 and she was 29. He met Max in college and they've been best friends since.