A Cuckold's Funeral Oration

The words in BOLD are what I thought but did not say.

Thanks to Pericles for providing the basis of my funeral oration.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The songs and readings today were chosen by my ADULTEROUS BITCH OF A wife. Brenda sincerely believed, like Isiah, that "The upright find rest as they lie in death". She shared the Psalmist's conviction that she "will dwell in the house of the Lord forever". Brenda accepted the Apostle's promise that "Anyone who believes lives, even though they die".

I thank those who have given orations before me, EXCEPT BILL, THAT SANCTIMONIOUS SHIT WHO WAS HER BUSINESS PARTNER, about my LESS THAN wonderful wife. Whether long or short, confident or overcome with the grief of this solemn occasion, all spoke truly of her many virtues.

IT IS HER MANY VICES THEY STUDIOUSLY IGNORED.

Whether they spoke too little, or too much, they spoke no more than the truth. Any speaker would fall short in detailing Brenda's virtues. It is a consolation to us speaking today that "Mankind is tolerant of the praises of others so long as each hearer thinks that he can do as well or nearly as well himself".

By this measure the SELF IMPORTANT SET OF speakers have acquitted themselves well.

It is the traditional duty of the husband to deliver the longest funeral oratory. To the utmost of my power I shall endeavor to satisfy this tradition. It is not a duty I cherish STANDING HERE WITH MOST OF YOU KNOWING I WAS CUCKOLDED BY BILL, THE OWNER OF A LONG, THICK PRICK.

Brenda is best known as the Co-Founder of the successful "Marketing Matters" company along with THAT BASTARD BiILL WHO MADE MY LIFE SO MISERABLE. You heard Bill speak about how they built up the firm. HE NEVER SAID HOW EASILY AND HOW OFTEN HE BEDDED MY WIFE AS THEY BUILT THE FIRM.

Their firm will employ many generations of EASY TO UNDERPAY local workers. Her firm pays its proper taxes, and also supports community charities. It will mean HIGH PUBLICITY AND LOW COST support for our small community.

Brenda AND BILL added many things to our community heritage ON THE CHEAP, WHILE INVENTING EXAMPLES OF SEXUAL ACTS UNKNOWN TO THE KAMA SUTRA.

They had many struggles TO SLAKE THEIR SEXUAL LUSTS, IN MANY FINE HOTELS AT THE FIRM'S EXPENSE. Their ORGASM FILLED efforts have given us this great community enterprise.

No doubt Bill will carry Brenda's work further AND MAKE SOME OTHER HUSBAND A MISERABLE WRETCH AS HE FUCKS HIS WIFE IN YET MORE EXOTIC POSITIONS AND LOCATIONS.

I need not add further examples of Brenda's business OR ADULTEROUS SEXUAL exploits. If business is "war without the guns" then Brenda won that war. The tales of the battles she won would take too long to tell. SO TOO WOULD BE THE TALES OF HER MANY SEXUAL ACTS WITH BILL THE BULL.

IT IS A CRYING SHAME THAT various community possessions were acquired by the energy of this RUTTING pair. By their principles of APPEARING MORAL BUT BEING IMMORAL they rose to power and greatness. Their CHARADE OF A democratic organisation was SUPPOSED to be an example to the world. It's administration is in the hands of the EASILY LED workers. It is guided, ACTUALLY IT WAS RUN, by SAVVY, EXPENSE ACCOUNT FUELED, SEXUALLY SATIATED Brenda and Bill who APPEAR TO forgo the true financial rewards they merit.

THEY MADE THE GULLIBLE CUSTOMERS BELIEVE THAT a spirit of reverence pervades their public acts, that they are prevented from doing wrong by respect for the authorities and for the laws. IT WAS ONLY A MEANS FOR THEM TO HAVE GREAT SEX AT CUSTOMER'S EXPENSE.

PEOPLE WRONGLY THINK this CUCKOLDING couple have a particular regard for the protection of the underclass. They DON'T provide for the weary spirits of the poor OUT OF NAKED SELF INTEREST.

WE CUSTOMERS PAID FOR THE HOTEL ROOMS IN WHICH THEY PERFORMED THEIR MANY SORDID ADULTEROUS ACTS.

Management is the power of thinking before you act. SHE MANAGED MY CUCKOLDING. Brenda, having the clearest sense of the pains and pleasures of life, did not shrink from difficult decisions. SHE PROUDLY INFORMED ME OF HIS REPEATED UNPROTECTED ORGASMS FILLING HER CUNT.

If she wanted something she went for it come hell or high water. SHE WAS PROUD TO TELL ME SHE WAS PREGNANT BY BILL. SHE TOLD ME IT HAD CONCEIVED IN MY MARITAL BED. THEY HAD BEEN BONKING THERE WHEN I WORKED UP NORTH.

Sadly, OR AS AN ACT OF KARMA, she died in a car crash on the way to set up a client's marketing exhibition. Her last phone call was to check with Brian on the client' needs. ACTUALLY I BELIEVE SHE WAS ARRANGING FOR BRIAN TO LEAVE HIS WIFE AND DIDN'T NOTICE HOW CLOSE SHE WAS TO THE LORRY.

At least she died instantaneously THE ONLY PITY BEING BILL WASN'T KILLED IN THE SAME ACCIDENT.

I thank you all, EXCEPT THAT BASTARD BILL, for coming.