A Cuck's Journal

Our struggle was simply that from my perspective. She had already chosen long ago.

I listened to the indecent sounds their entangled bodies made, trying to dampen the messed up arousal it was undoubtedly giving me.... until Jasper stared at the camera I had set up.

He winked at me before slowing down his pace and asking Cathy, "You got a sound system here, right? Mind if I play some music?"

They had never played music while fucking.

Confused at the irrelevant topic at hand, she hesitantly nodded before handing him the remote.

I knew then what he was going to play. His intentions were clear - he wanted to break us. There was only one song that was truly aligned with his motives.

My intuition proved accurate. In the very next moment, 'The Way You Looked Tonight' began to play softly in the background.

Before Cathy could speak against it, Jasper smacked her ass and proceeded to ram his cock inside her harder than ever before. He grabbed her by the legs and turned her body over. My hot wife, incapable of holding her gaze steady, helplessly yielded herself to his manhandling as Jasper fucked her in missionary. Her originally articulate words slowly turned into babbles of worship. The drugs in her system are probably starting to take effect.

As our wedding song played in the background, her squeals slowly attuned itself to the melody.

"You're a.... YES! FUCK — YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE! OH — OH, FUCK — " she howled, finally unable to hold in her smile.

Her perfect teeth showed itself as she grinned from ear to ear, eyes adoringly appreciating her man — her stud.

"And yet you're fucking me back in beat to your fucking wedding song, bitch."

Jasper wore a satisfied smile on his lips.

At this point, the man and I both knew he had won. As if to rub his victory on my face, the misogynist contemptuously spat on Cathy before grabbing her springy tits and fucking her even more deeply. My wife didn't even flinch; the man's saliva landed on her cheeks and all she did was try to lick it off with her own tongue.

Meanwhile, she arched her back and bounced back on his entire length, furiously rubbing her swollen clit in the process.

I watched her entire being closely. Her slender neck. Her soft angelic lips. Her cute nose.

Her big beautiful eyes, which I was convinced, at one point in time, held the entire universe inside them.

Not a single thought currently existed in those eyes, only the instinctual need to cum as hard as she could.

This was my wife in her unadulterated form.

With this total sense of defeat, you'd think I'd collapse from within, completely and utterly beyond repair.

But for some reason, I felt free.

My legs regained the energy to move as I stepped out of the car and headed to our front door.

The closer I got to the house, the more clear their voices became. To think I could hear them from here...

The neighbors must think us wild.

As soon as I entered through the door, my wife's previously obscure moans became much brighter — as if she was screaming right into my ears. I could hear every nuance, every tremble in her voice.

The rasp I always liked about it. The rich tone behind her sentences. The mezzo-soprano quality of her usually serene voice.

It all became much clearer.

But it wasn't calm. Far from it.

Her voice expressed feelings of desperation and ecstasy I've never once heard from her.

I walked and walked, my mind completely blank until I was standing right in front of her, and the words that came out of my earphones were exactly the same as the ones she was letting out before me.

Looking at their sweaty, entangled bodies from the sidelines, I realized the act was a lot more demoralizing in person. My wife whimpered out loud, pushing her beautiful ass against the photographer of our wedding.

She may have looked like a whore in the camera, but Cathy looked even dirtier in person.

And my cock had never been harder.

Her subtly-lined muscles were taut as they released a degree of heat even I could feel, despite being ten feet away. Soaking the bed thoroughly as her whole body perspired, Cathy's sweat made her skin glow almost golden.

Meanwhile, I could tell every inch of Cathy was on edge, experiencing bouts of pleasure I could only imagine giving her.

Little by little, the sweet scent permeated through the room. I could barely remember what our room originally smelled like now.

"Cathy," I called.

She looked in my direction and froze, her previously flushed face immediately turning pale. After the initial doubt of whether or not I was really there, the wife immediately tried to move away.

"Steven. No, this isn't what it looks like — "

Unfortunately, her efforts did not bear fruit as Jasper grabbed her by the hips and took her back in one smooth motion.

Her eyes uncontrollably rolled to the back of her head as she convulsed, evidently consumed by her biological programming.

She lost consciousness.

I walked to her side as I stared at Jasper, who made no effort to stop what he was doing.

"You still think she loves you better than she loves this?"

I didn't answer. I just held her hand. It took a while before she regained consciousness.

Rapidly piecing herself together, Cathy realized someone was holding her hand bit by bit. Slowly, she looked my way before crying out, "Steven — OH, FUCK! I'm so sorry. T-this isn't...."

"I've known for a while."

She looked at me, unbelieving of what I just said. "H-how...? Why — OH, SHIT! Jasper, p-please."

She begged him to stop, but I turned to him and shook my head. Understanding my plight, Jasper kept fucking her.

"It doesn't matter, because I love you."

She stared at me, or at least in my general direction. Her eyes were heavily glazed with ecstasy so it was hard to tell.

"Do you love me?" I asked. .

Without hesitation, Cathy nodded.

"I love y-you, baby — " Her temporary focus was disrupted by a slap in her pussy. Cathy bucked wildly as she clenched her teeth.

"I LOVE YOU! I'M SORRY, BABY! I CAN'T HELP IT — FUCK — I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! KEEP FUCKING ME, JASPER," she squealed, completely losing her mind in pleasure as she furiously pinched her clit while her back arched in delight. I could tell the drugs have already addled her mind, blurring the line between fantasy and reality. Maybe she wasn't fully aware that I was right by her side.

"I've always.... ALWAYS... wanted to — FUCK — c-cuck you so baaaad! Every time you're nice to me, I wanted to go to Jasper and get FUCKED like a bitch. I'M SO SORRY...! YES — OH, MY GOD!"

It looked as if it pained her to do this to me, but she couldn't help it. Maybe this was the real her. Maybe these were her real words.

So I held on to every single one of them.

"You didn't want to — OOOH — HURT ME! I TOLD you I n-needed to get FUCKED like craaaazy...! To be slapped like I'm worthless! Ooooh! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, HONEEEEY.! I NEEDED TO CHEAT ON YOU!"

I shut my eyes, clenching down on her hand.

"I can't e-even — GOD — feel your PIN-SIZED dick when we were making love — UNGH! RIGHT THERE, JAS!"

I could feel every hair on her skin rising. An orgasm was building up inside her, threatening to push her off the cliff at any second now.

"Do you love Jasper more?" I asked.

A rare semblance of clarity visited her eyes.

"No. O-of course not, I — "

I quietly watched as the misogynist slapped her face before she could continue.

"Tell him the fucking truth, whore!" Jasper yelled.

She nodded, eyes shut as she cried out.

"YES! I LOVE HIS DICK MORE THAN YOU! I'M SORRY, BABY! I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A SLUT — FUUUCK — H-HIS SLUT...! I CAN'T H-HELP IT! I CAN'T RESIST HIS BIG COCK...! I'M SORRY, HONEEEY!!"

I nodded in understanding, kissing her gently.

Jasper groaned, "Shit, you got tighter. You like it when he kisses you? What a fucking slut."

Cathy tried protesting against Jasper, but I gently held her by the neck and calmed her down. In the end, she gave up trying and kissed me back.

Our tongues connected as they lashed against each other, vying for dominance. It felt so good to kiss her — to love her — and mean it without reservations.

I would never be the first in her heart and body, I know that now.

I could offer her my soul and my companionship, but that wouldn't mean anything in front of this man's genetic superiority over me.

But the comfort in knowing she loved me was irreplaceable. It's an anchor.

Staring at her beautiful sex-crazed expression, I squeezed her hands three times.

She squeezed back.

"I'm gonna fucking cum inside! I'm gonna creampie your girl, cuck. Fuck! Tighten it for me, baby."

As if she needed prompting.

With a crazed voice, she called out, "YES! GIVE ME YOUR CUM, JAS! CUM INSIDE THIS CHEATING PUSSY!"

She wrapped her legs tighter around Jasper before turning to me. I leaned in and kissed her.

"I LOVE YOU, BABY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" she professed, reciprocating my kiss.

"Ready?" I asked.

She nodded, overstimulated eyes wandering around. She's so fucking high.

I squeezed her hand again. Cathy's soft hands tried to squeeze back, but along the way, she kept forgetting how many times she had done so already.

By the 13th one, her whole body convulsed.

She came around Jasper's cock as he filled her up. I watched quietly as his giant cock released multiple spurts of semen inside her fertile womb.

Then she passed out. I carried her over to our bed so she could be more comfortable, but I doubt she even noticed.

The cock and coke were hitting, and it was hitting good.

My wife laid there twitching and squirting spasmodically for almost twenty minutes before she opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was me, and then Jasper — who was smoking a cigarette on our veranda.

"One more round?" he asked her.

She didn't answer. Without a word, she just opened her mouth and stuck out her wet tongue.

But we both understood what she meant.

Walking towards us as I gingerly stroked her hair, Jasper uncaringly put out his cigarette by pressing it against her delicate tongue like she was an ashtray. It made a slight mark, but she didn't even feel the pain — if there was any.

They went at it the whole night.

And I watched until the sun rose.

_____________________

[April 14, 2019]

_____________________________

This is probably the last entry I'll write.

In the past year, every day felt like a different one. It made me realize how much my work has forced me into a stationary routine.

That morning, I bared my soul to Cathy. When she bared hers, everything became much easier.

She even told me all about Jasper. Similarly, I told her about the newfound discovery I had about myself.

But that couldn't just undo the damage she had done by going behind my back and cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship.

I was mad at her. In fact, I could even say I hated her — just as much as I loved her.

She cried on my shoulders, telling me it was okay to leave. That she'll understand if I wanted a divorce.

That I'll always be the love of her life.

Without saying a word, I patted her back silently.

The next morning, when everything calmed down, I finally made the decision to leave. I packed my bags and went to Sri Lanka.

For a week or so. Just to clear my mind without the distractions of everyday life — surrounded by nature. The natural. The opposite of the life that I was presented with that fateful day.

When I came back, Cathy was sober, clean, and apparently hasn't seen Jasper since then — as per our agreement.

Do I believe her? Maybe. Maybe not.

But I knew this relationship wouldn't be based on mutual trust. It was too late for that. Not leaving now would be an act of submission on my part.

I went on a break for that very reason. I needed to know if I was ready to do it.

Cathy patiently waited for my verdict without complaint and I gave her mine.

I hugged her lithe body and told her I didn't want a divorce. She hugged me back, breaking down in tears.

I also told her I didn't want to make her choose, so I'm not going to.

While I do have to admit some part of me was curious as to who she would've chosen between the two of us, what I do know is that it wouldn't have mattered if she had chosen me. That would probably only bring her relationship with Jasper under wraps. Just like before.

If they did it once, they could do it again.

So, we resumed our marriage and officially opened it — for her. I myself had no plans to be with another woman. I couldn't even think of it.

Now I can't pretend it wouldn't be excruciatingly painful to think of the same warm body I hold in the morning constantly being fucked by another man during the night while I hate myself for liking it.

But I couldn't imagine my life without her. She's my best friend, and I know I'm hers. I may not be confident if she really valued me as a man, but I was at least sure of that.

I'd rather stay married and love the real her — a cock-addicted, nymphomaniac model, than to force her to walk out of my life. At least this way, some part of her stays with me.

That said, I knew the half-assed arrangement wouldn't work forever.

So I wrote up a contract. It was hugely disadvantageous to me — which played right into the kink.

Regardless, it was binding. I was allowed to see them having sex once a week. Other than that, they could fuck each other whenever, wherever, in any position, without my explicit permission.

We signed the contract the day we renewed our vows. Obviously, we didn't hire a reverend to officiate this time.

Why?

Because under the clause Jasper demanded, it required a certain action during the ceremony. Otherwise, the contract wouldn't be valid.

I'm sure you can guess what he wanted.

Sensually holding and stroking the base, Cathy recited her vows directly on Jasper's cock. He came in her face as soon as she finished reading it all aloud.

After they fucked for literal hours and the man had finished cumming in her ass and pussy during the ceremony, I was legally obligated to orally clean it up while reciting mine.

Only then will the contract be binding, effective immediately.

Oh, and the contract actually mandated one more thing — I, Steven, had to put a ring on my female master's pussy, Cathy. She had it pierced months ago in preparation for this.

More specifically, it was the ring that I had bought for her at our wedding. It was remodeled into a hooded clit piercing — which served as a reminder to the parties involved, especially me, what the dynamics were going to be for the rest of our lives. I personally slid the ring on the piercing my wife had gotten months prior — all while Jasper fucked her anally.

Of course, I loved every minute of it.

Sure, everything felt over the top. The humiliation of seeing my wife in her wedding dress while her pierced clit wore our wedding ring — the symbol of our marriage — felt like a fantasy that had gone way too far. A roleplay that went beyond the confines of the bed.

But this was my new reality. The two of them never stopped fucking. It didn't matter if I was there or not.

They went at it like fucking animals. It was almost impossible to sleep at night and work during the day.

Besides my legal wife, Jasper frequently visited our house with different women too. Of course, Cathy always joined them. Threesomes, foursomes, you name it.

One time, there were six well-known models in the house all at once, and that's not including Cathy.

Later that night, she poked me in the eye for looking, jealous over my obvious ogling. I told her she couldn't blame me; the group of beautiful women wore slutty clothing like it was nothing.

It was hotter when you realize half of these women were world-renowned feminists. In the past, I saw them on TV quite often, preaching about dismantling the patriarchy. I idolized them to a great extent, but now whenever I see them in magazines like the Game Changers, I just picture the way they dressed and begged for a man's cock.

It should disgust me, but oftentimes, I found myself living vicariously through Jasper. I imagined my cock was his, and I was the one actually fucking all these women.

After a big day, Cathy liked to break the illusion by giving me a handjob with three fingers, licking my sensitive ear as she whispered how tiny I was.

That was another thing. Unless Cathy stated herself that she wanted to fuck me, I wasn't allowed to ask her for sex. As a result, with Jasper constantly there, she rarely came to me for a fucking.

The only alternative is that I beg Jasper, my male master, for permission to fuck my wife.

Consequently, I usually satisfied myself in the guest room alone. Unless my wife visits me herself and gives me a fingerjob, I stroked myself to the sounds of their daily fucking.

But yeah, our house kind of became the default place for weekend fuck sessions and erotic photoshoots since then.

Over time, I even delegated to myself the task of cleaning the aftermath.

It meant a whole lot of used condoms on the floor, designer brands of the clothes they wore, etc.

Of course, I had to do it after they were all gone.

Once, I made the mistake of entering our room in the middle of a particularly hot weekend. As a punishment, I was forced to wear a chastity cage for a week — another power they had over me as per the contract.

That was months ago.

I usually wasn't allowed to be in the room whenever they did it with other women, but they've been growing more and more casual about it.

So whenever they were done, I would sneak in and look at Cathy's naked body across the bed, dry-heaving as her eyes shut tightly in ecstasy and exhaustion.

Then, I grab her by the hand and squeeze three times.

She always squeezed back.

So yeah, being a cuck is rough work — and definitely not for the fainthearted, if I may add.

There are days when I can't deal with any of it. The jealousy fits, the heartache. They were far from minor.

But those little moments with Cathy, those squeezes, each one standing for the three words we were meant to say to each other....

It tells me we're going to get through this.

We're going to be fine.