All Comments on 'A Devil to Dinner'

Title sounded intriguing, I picked this over everything else on the 'new' page. But I only got few half a dozen paragraphs and stopped because I found the lack of polish a little jarring. Maybe I'm just fussy, or tired. Take care and good luck with your next work. And remember - good editing takes *longer* than the initial write up!

Wow she came so many times!

so I should have not had her cum so many times? ladies can have fun too.

No you misunderstood me! I meant it in a good way! It's very natural for women to have multiple orgasms in a short period of time unlike men how need 20 to 30 minutes to recover.

Hi. A couple of thoughts. Your dialogue seems rushed and includes comments that describe what's going on. Also, a woman who had been nearly raped would not automatically invite her unknown and unseen savior into her home. She might meet him for coffee, but never into her house. She also did not report the rape, and seemed unconcerned where the rapist went. This is very strange and trivializes the event. You get the feeling a parking ticked might have caused more distress. You also rush over critical items, such as whey they enjoyed each other's company and interacted, but spent more words on Molly guessing where her stranger was from.

So I would advise thinking through the story more carefully and how people might actually act. I would also recommend looking at the stories below to see how the writers handle narrative and interactions between characters. Also, if you've not done so, find an on-line copy of "Save The Cat" and read it. It takes about 4hrs but its a great introduction to writing. Robert McKee's Story is also good. You can pick up a PDF of it from the PDF drive.

Another suggestion is watch "Shakespeare In Love". Judy Dench in under 4 minutes of screen time does a better job of portraying Queen Elizabeth than many multi-part historical dramas.

Best of luck!

God of Mischief and Lies - Loki finds something he can't control. It maybe the best written short story on this site.

https://www.literotica.com/s/god-of-mischief-and-lies

Three Square Meals - Epic space opera with multiple characters, all carefully crafted

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2967464&page=submissions

Love Long Gone - Lonely heart saved by a young woman

https://www.literotica.com/s/love-long-gone