A Fairy Tale

"My dear, I want you to use this any time you like," Dominick said. "It's yours."

"Oh, Dom, you're my hero! But you can't have made this for me, not in the short time since we met."

Dominick winced. "Well, no. I originally made it as a gift for a certain princess, but she wasn't impressed."

The reason why he'd originally come here rushed back to Cassidore's mind. "The princess! What happened to her?"

The wizard sighed. "She's still here, safe and sound."

Dominick stepped to an object in a corner, which Cassidore had barely noticed before in his excitement over the other contents of the room. Whipping off the sheet that covered it, the wizard revealed what seemed to be a mannequin or painted statue. Cassidore instantly recognized it as a representation of Princess Rose, as it not only resembled the portraits of the princess he's seen but perfectly captured her fabled fair-as-a-flower face, her bright-as-gold locks, and her full-and-juicy-as-the-ripest-peach body.

What didn't match the portraits was the figure's stance and expression. The statue was bent aggressively forward and angrily shaking a finger at the viewer, the eyes were narrowed and cruel, and the mouth open in a snarl as if cursing at (or perhaps about to bite) the person she was addressing.

"In my defense, I held off doing this as long as I could tolerate her rudeness. But she wouldn't give me a moment's peace," Dominick said tiredly.

Cassidore blinked. "You mean... that's the real princess?"

"Mm-hmm. Froze her in mid-rant," the wizard said.

"I suppose she was angry about being kidnaped," Cassidore suggested.

"Kidnaped? It was all her idea in the first place! She wrote me a letter saying she was tired of her father telling her what to do all the time and suggesting I carry her away," Dominick replied. "It sounded too good to be true, and it certainly was! Had the idea that I ought to do anything she asked in exchange for my sampling her physical charms. And while I admit she has a great body, she was like a dead fish in bed, not to mention her bad attitude. 'No, I don't do that,' 'Yuck, I'm not putting that in my mouth,' 'Can't you hurry up and get it over with?' I've had more exciting times with my own left hand."

"And the things she wanted me to do for her in return! Kill Lord Swint, who'd admonished her for bad manners. Consign her teachers to eternal torture, for having the gall to tell her she's ignorant. Make all the other pretty girls in court develop leprosy so their noses would fall off. Lots more, she could give my trolls lessons in both brutality and in holding a grudge."

Dominick sighed again. "Carrying her off without finding out more about her was my worst plan ever. I've been trying to figure out what to do with her ever since I froze her."

"Why don't you just let her go? After all, until she's free knights will be questing into your woods and probably trying to kill you," Cassidore said.

"But that would mean..." Dominick stopped in mid-sentence, looking thoughtful. "Yes, I suppose I could do that. In fact, it makes perfect sense. Ha, I've been making this far too complicated! Thank you, Cassi."

"Glad to help, Dom."

"No time like the present," the wizard said. He made several mystical passes in the air and chanted some strange words, and suddenly Princess Rose was gone.

"There. I just deposited her at the edge of the woods and unfroze her. She can make her own bloody way back to her father's castle," Dominick said with smug satisfaction.

Cassidore stopped staring at the empty air where the princess had been and looked back at the wizard. "You must be a little sad to see her go, though."

"Not really. Why?"

"Well, she is the most beautiful woman in the world."

Dominick looked at Cassidore and smiled. "I like what I'm looking at better."

Cassidore blushed deeply. "I'm not nearly that good-looking. I'm not even a woman."

"You're definitely cute enough for me," the wizard replied sincerely. "And neither looks nor birth gender are everything."

*****

Epilogue

Princess Rose materialized on the road leading out of the woods with a shouted "-ou asshole!" coming out of her mouth. Realizing she was not longer in the wizard's tower, she indulged herself in an epic tantrum.

Just at that moment a knight in shining armor, one Sir Eastly, approached on his gallant steed. Princess Rose stopped cursing and, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, ordered the knight to bring her back to her father's castle forthwith.

As the king had promised, he gave Princess Rose to Sir Eastly as his bride, along with half the kingdom. Daddy thought the price cheap if it got his difficult daughter out of his house.

It was not a happy marriage. As an escape from constant henpecking Sir Eastly took to drinking heavily and before long was rarely sober at any time of day. The king died not long after and Princess Rose became Queen Rose, ruler of the entire kingdom. As she aged Queen Rose became fat and lost her looks, and if anything her temper got even worse. After years of her tyrannical government both the (surviving) nobles and commoners joined together in rebellion against the evil Queen. Overthrowing the monarchy, they cut off the heads of both Rose and her hapless husband and decided to try doing without royalty in the future.

Meanwhile Cassi remained at the wizard's tower, in time becoming not only Dom's lover but his life-partner. Cassi never tired of the magical clothes closet and soon was dressing en femme full-time, with Dom's full support and encouragement. While Dom was known to have an occasional fling with a cute witch or foreign princess, and Cassi sometimes left the tower to take other lovers for a change of pace (including the trolls, even the first one who was charmed by Cassi out of his homophobia), when all was said and done they always ended up back in each other's arms.

And so they lived happily ever after.

The moral of this fairy tale?

Chasing beautiful women is a waste of time when you can find true happiness as some man's princess.

*****THE END*****