Living Up to the Legacey

Sometimes our biggest foe in life it what we perceive to be the expectation of others. This is even more true for the Transgender community. This little tale is one person's journey and how they came to live with their legacy and its implied expectations. I hope you enjoy it, and, just a hint, grab a box of issues. I wrote it and it still makes me tear up.

By the way, if you've read some of my other stuff, this story takes place in the same universe as 'When Wishes Come True.'

Enjoy and please leave me a comment.

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Major General Everest Stone U.S. Marine Corps. Two Bronze Stars, a Silver Star, a Purple Heart and the fucking Navy Cross. My dad was a legitimate war hero. He almost saved more lives in Afghanistan that he took. Try to live up to a legacy like that. He certainly expected me and my brother Ethan to try.

We grew up on military bases all over the place until my mom died. When that happened, they sent newly promoted Major Stone to Camp Lejeune. For the next ten years, he trained marines and our NATO allies in special tactics. By the time he made Full Colonel, he was running MARSOC. When he got the star on his lapel, they sent him to The Pentagon to do stuff he couldn't or wouldn't talk about. Ethan and I went to high school in Arlington, just a few miles from the iconic building our dad worked in.

With his second star came duties that took him all over the world, consulting with other military leaders and serving as advisor to NATO. I still didn't know what he did.

Hard but fair, he only demanded that we do our best at everything we tried. That meant Ethan was the starting quarterback his sophomore year, and that I was beating some seniors on our cross-country team as a freshman.

Ethan and I were fraternal twins. He was three minutes older than me and the spitting image of our dad, a 6' 5", 250-pound blonde-haired, blue-eyed Adonis. I took after our mom, 5'9" and 150 pounds, soaking wet with her bright green eyes and flaming red hair.

Ethan and I were tight like brothers should be and with him on my side, nobody picked on me, and I mean nobody. Of course, my dad made sure both of us knew how to take care of ourselves and even without Ethan, nobody was going to even try to shove me in a locker more than once.

We both graduated with honors, Ethan getting accepted into Annapolis, and me heading to a small college in Texas with a track coach that had taken a few of his runners to the Olympics; including his wife, who had won some medals. I didn't have those aspirations, but it was something my dad would pay for, and it was far enough away that I could figure out who I was without him breathing down my neck. All I had to do was make my grades and win my cross-country meets; easy-peasy.

The first thing I did was decide to stop getting my hair cut. I was so damned tired of that stupid crew cut; I could puke.

Unfortunately, the second thing I did was to send my new roommate to the hospital when he tried to 'make me his bitch,' as he so eloquently put it.

Note to bullies: make sure a legitimate war hero hasn't schooled your target in Krav Maga before you try to force him to his knees to give you a blow job.

The downside was my dad had to fly down and meet with the dean to talk about my behavior, and I had to apologize for breaking the moron's arm. The upside was the look I got from my dad as we left the dean's office, the steak he bought me as my punishment, and me getting a room to myself in the dorm, at least for a semester.

Billy Joe, yeah, that was really his name, took a semester off, deciding to try again in the spring. I never saw him again.

I fell into school with a passion, loving everything about it, the freedom, my classes, everything. Coach K was amazing, helping me with my technique and getting better times out of me. His wife, Dr. K, was my intro to lit professor and was not only super-hot, but an excellent teacher. I had owned a copy of her book 'Tales from the Sands of Time'. She said she'd autograph it for me and then laughed when I showed in her office up ten minutes later, completely out of breath with the book in my hand.

My dad gave me a little light-hearted grief over winter break about my hair touching my ears, but with my grades and my meet times, I guess he finally decided it was just hair. Ethan could join us for a few days before he headed back to Maryland and while there weren't a lot of presents; there never had been, Christmas was a lot of fun. I got a high-five from Ethan when I told him about my ex-roommate.

With the spring semester, I dove back into school. Coach K. recruited me as another distance runner for the track team and I could hang with some of the other runners, but didn't quite have what it took to compete with the top-class talent he had recruited. You go up against that type of talent when your coach has taken distance runners to the Olympics. I was a solid team runner and figured the more coaching I got, the better I'd do in the fall when cross-country came back around.

I took summer classes, which meant I wouldn't see my dad again until Christmas. He was in Europe for some big conference, anyway, so that meant maybe next year. I plugged along with the only thing that was really changing was my hair, which kept getting longer and longer.

It just sort of started happening as my hair got down to my shoulders. I'd put it in a ponytail when I ran and people that passed me started calling me miss. I'd wear it down, and the same thing would happen. It bothered me for a while, but I quickly decided that I didn't care. I'd never see most of them again, anyway. I knew I had a killer butt and with my nice lean body, I could understand how it could happen. My stubborn streak and my disdain for all those years with that stupid crew cut wouldn't let me cut it, so I mostly ignored it.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the boys' dorm." It was move in day at my dorm. First official day of my junior year. I turned to see the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, giving me the strangest look. Long legs, brunette with eyes the color of melted chocolate, and her smile. My god, I swear the sun rose in that smile. Cute button nose with just a smattering of freckles traipsing across it.

"Um, uh," I stuttered. "Yeah, it is. I'm Eric, Eric Stone. Why are you looking for the boys' dorm?"

"I'm helping my little brother move in. Hi. I'm, Hailey." She set the small box she was carrying down and stuck out her hand. "And sorry about the boy/girl thing." She blushed and I think I fell in love on the spot.

"It's ok. I get that a lot. I'm used to it." I chuckled.

"Hale, you find it?" A taller male version of Hailey walked into the room carrying three larger boxes. He smiled at me and set the boxes down. "You must be Eric. I'm Hank and this is my big sister, Hailey. Looks like you and me are going to be roomies this year."

"Cool. You need a hand getting your stuff inside?" I shook his hand and offered my help.

The three of us went to work. It only took two more trips, and we had to move some of my stuff out of the closet to make room for Hank's clothes, but other than that, it was a piece of cake. I had enjoyed a room to myself for two years and nobody had told me he was coming. I'm guessing the RA for my floor had forgotten. Jack was a good guy, just not the most reliable.

"Great, you guys met. Eric, are you going to be ok with a roommate? No more problems, promise me, ok." He gave me a stern look and turned to smile at Hank and Hailey. I wasn't sure why, but it bothered me the way he looked at Hailey. "Hank Wilkins, right? I'm Jack, your RA. Rooms just down the hall. Let me know if you need anything." And he was gone again.

"Problems, what was that about?" Hank gave me a curious look.

"Freshman year, my roommate thought because he was bigger than me, he could force me to do things I didn't really want to do. I think 'make me his bitch' were the words he used. We disagreed. His arm got broken in the discussion and he never came back. I don't see a problem, do you?"

"Nope, not at all." He laughed.

"You broke his arm?" Hailey had that confused look on her face again.

"Dad's military. Made sure me and my brother could take care of ourselves. Comes in handy now and then. It helps that people underestimate me because of my size. So, you're his 'big' sister, huh?" I changed the topic and turned the tables on her.

"By three minutes." Hank jumped in.

"No way. Same here, except I'm the little brother. Literally, my older brother, Ethan, is three minutes older than me and about your size." We all laughed. What a coincidence.

"Pizza? I'm buying." Hank had broken down the last box and pulled out the coupon they gave him at check-in and his phone.

"Sure." I smiled. "It's walking distance and on moving day, it will be faster to walk over there than to wait for delivery to any of the dorms."

I gave them the short version of my story as we walked across campus to the pizza place. Hailey had run track in high school, so we had that in common. Hank had played both football and baseball. They had ended up here because it was an excellent school, and they had each had a full ride scholarship. Evidently the professor they named the stadium and the library after had left them a ton of money for scholarships. Hank admitted it was also going to be nice not to have to suffer through Kansas winters.

The pizza place was packed, but I had done a favor for the waitress, chasing off a couple of guys that wanted to get too friendly. She directed us to a dirty able and wiped it down while we waited.

We talked and ate and talked some more. They told me stories about growing up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, Kansas, and I told them about life as a military brat, explaining that Ethan was at Annapolis and my dad worked at the Pentagon, doing something he didn't want to talk about, or couldn't.

Hank and I walked Hailey to her dorm before heading back to our room.

"So, you and Hailey?" Hank pushed my shoulder. "I'd be ok with that." He smiled at me.

"I don't know, man. She drop-dead gorgeous and all, but I'm not sure she sees me that way." To be honest, as infatuated as I was with her, it wasn't so much her as it was everything about her. The little things. The way she sat, the way she played with her hair, the way she gave that coy little grin that was so damned sexy, the way she moved, even the way she crossed her ankles when she pulled her feet underneath her chair. It was all so sexy, so feminine, and it fascinated me.

"Besides, if I upset her, I have to deal with the idea of you killing me in my sleep." We both laughed.

I couldn't tell you why, but I started emulating Hailey, doing those same little things. It wasn't overt. In fact, I wasn't aware that I was doing it for a long time.

People mistaking me for a girl became more and more common, and even some guys on the cross-country team started looking at me funny when I stretched before a run, especially when I bent from the waist and hugged my knees to stretch my hamstrings. I had seen Hailey do it, and it never occurred to me that the guys didn't.

Hank and I got along great. Hailey was almost always with us. She dated a few guys but wasn't interested in a relationship. It turned out me putting myself in the friend zone had been a good thing. She and I ran together a few times a week and found we could talk about almost anything.

She always ran in a sports bra, and a pair of super tight running shorts. It was so easy to fall in behind her and lose myself in the run. It was during one of those runs that I noticed how silky smooth her legs were. Not just her legs, her whole body. Well, the parts I could see, anyway, and that was most of it.

Like so much of what Hailey did, it possessed me, the idea of being smooth all ever like her burrowed into my psyche and wouldn't leave me alone.

Call it a tipping point, an awakening, I don't know. It was the first conscious thing I would do to be more like her. I did some research and made my decision. That Thursday, after my last class, I went to a salon across town and had them wax me from my shoulders down. Yeah, even there. My vivid imagination told me that Hailey would. Maybe one day, I'd find out.

The feeling was delicious. I caught myself smiling as I rubbed my legs together for no reason than to enjoy the smooth flesh on flesh feeling. People may have noticed that my modest red fuzz was gone, and maybe not. No one said a word. Hank raised an eyebrow when I got out of the shower after my run with Hailey Friday morning, but that was it. Maybe having them do my crotch was a step too far.

Over Thanksgiving, things took another turn. It was an eleven-hour drive from the school to their family farm in Kansas. We left early Wednesday morning and got there in time for dinner. I was immediately part of the family. Thursday, we went to their grandparent's house and gorged on some of the best food I had ever eaten and watched football. In all my brief life, especially with all the moving around my dad, Ethan, and I had done when I was growing up, I'd experienced nothing like it. After my mom died, Thanksgiving for the Stones had always been a trip to the officer's club.

Friday, Hank, his dad, and me, had plopped on the couch watching a game none of us cared about and trash talked, anyway. Hailey and her mom walked through, headed somewhere that didn't involve football.

Hailey gave her dad a kiss and then stopped, looking at me curled up in my corner of the couch with my feet underneath me. "Eric, we're going to get our nails done. Do you want to join us?"

"Where the hell did that come from?" I thought to myself as I tried to come up with an answer.

"Come on, you'll enjoy it. I know you will." Hailey smiled at me.

Slowly realizing that, in fact, I wanted to go; I nodded yes. "Sure. Why not?" I pulled on my shoes and followed Hailey and her mom out to the car. Hank and his dad were screaming at the referees and didn't even notice me leaving.

When the girl at the salon started on my feet, I laid my head back and closed my eyes, getting lost in the moment. I could hear Hailey and her mom talking, but didn't pay attention as they cleaned and buffed and massaged my feet, treating my toes like ten little princesses.

When someone else started doing the same things to my hands, I heard an audible moan, probably mine, followed quickly by giggles I recognized as Hailey's.

Sharp pain in both my ears brought me out of my trance. The first thing I noticed was my fingernails. Now, about a quarter of an inch long, if I caught them in the light just right, they were a subtle pearlescent pink. My toes, however, were fuchsia. Checking my ears in the mirror, they had decorated them both with a small faux diamond stud.

My mind told me to scream in protest. All I could do was smile.

Hailey was beaming. "I noticed it when we first met. Your hair, your facial features, your mannerisms, your butt." She blushed as she spouted a litany of the things she had seen me do. I recognized most as things she did that had fixated me. "You're so feminine, sometimes I don't even think you realize it. There's a reason so many people mistake you for a girl. I thought maybe this would be something you would like. I guess I was right."

Wow. I didn't know what to say. I looked closer at the person in the mirror, the one with the diamond studs in his, um, her ears. Hailey was right, soft features, big green eyes, hair just past her shoulders, high cheekbones, nice full lips, no facial hair. I pulled an old photo of me, Ethan, my dad, and mom from right after she got sick out of my wallet. I looked just like my mom. I started crying uncontrollably.

Emotions I had locked away poured forth. All the pain and anger I had never dealt with flowed from my eyes as tears streamed down my cheeks. Hailey and her mom helped me to the car. I curled up in the back seat with my picture and let fifteen years of anguish loose upon the universe.

I didn't remember leaving the salon, I didn't remember the drive, I didn't even remember getting back to the farm.

When I woke up sometime Saturday morning, I called Ethan, and we just talked, mostly about mom, but about him and me and what we had gone through and dad, too. How stoic he had always been and how strong he always wanted us to be. What I had thought was cold, dispassionate indifference was my father protecting himself from the same pain and loss I had just let myself feel for the first time.

"Ethan, how does he do it? How has he stayed so strong for all these years?"

"I asked him that when I told him I was applying to Annapolis. He just said he had to. For you and me. He didn't have a choice."

There was nothing but silence for a few moments. "Eric, what's going on? We haven't talked in a long time and now this."

"That picture of all of us in the hospital, right after mom got sick. Mom hadn't lost her hair yet. She was smiling like she always did and you, me and dad, just standing there, grim faces, no emotion, those stupid crew cuts. I lost it, crying like a little girl until there was nothing left. I didn't even remember getting back to the house or going to bed. When I woke up, I needed to talk to you."

"Hey, I like my hair like this." He threw my 'stupid crew cut' comment back at me.

"Yeah, Mr. high and tight. It suits you, but I haven't had a haircut since I left Arlington. It's down over my shoulders now. I think I'm going to grow it down to my ass just to irritate dad."

I laughed but suddenly knew what I had to tell him. "Ethan, when I looked at that picture, I look exactly like mom. Not kind-of sort-of, exactly. What if I come home for Christmas and dad loses it?" I took my hair down from my ponytail, brushed it out with my fingers, framing it around my face, and sent Ethan a selfie.

"Damn, little brother, you're right. That's almost freaky. Shit, you've changed since the last time I saw you. You could always get it cut." He offered the obvious solution.

I had thought about that, too.

"Ethan, I don't think I can. And not just because it annoys dad. I like looking like this."

"I have to admit, it fits you." There was an awkward pause. "And don't worry about Christmas. I think dad is heading for Geneva for some big meeting next month, anyway. You should call him. He really is proud of you, you know that, right?"

"I suppose. I just always feel like he's judging me. The only times I've felt like he accepted me for who I was or was proud of me were the times I did stuff like I did to that bully roommate of mine, and that's not who I want to be. I'm just not like you and him, Ethan. I'm just not."

"He's like that with everybody, Eric, not just you. It's difficult being his son, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Just call him sometime, ok?"

I promised I would. We talked for a while longer. I asked Ethan to tell me about Annapolis. He loved everything about it. Just like my little world was just what I needed; he had found his home. The Navy was lucky to have him. So was I.

"You dropped this in the car." Hailey's mom handed me the picture when I finally made my way downstairs. "You look just like her."

"Thanks." I mumbled, not sure if I was thanking her for returning the picture or the compliment. "I didn't cry when she died." I just blurted it out. "I didn't think my dad would approve. Yesterday, when I saw how much I look like her, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I wish she were here now. How do I talk to my dad about this?" I pointed at myself.

"You don't think he loves you?" She pulled me into a hug. I almost lost it again.

"No, he does. I know that. I'm just so different from my brother, so different from what he wants. He would never understand me getting my nails done or getting my ears pierced. He barely tolerates my hair, and I love all of it."