by nightjack
You took what could've been a good story and ruined it by writing in present tense.
You wrote it so lovingly and sensually. One of the best.
enjoyed it very much, very hot and erotic the only little suggestion is as a 23 year old she ould not have been so naive about sex the first time, more than likely she would have at least fooled around a little
Present-tense is a really poor method of trying to tell an erotic story.