by nightjack
Present-tense is a really poor method of trying to tell an erotic story.
enjoyed it very much, very hot and erotic the only little suggestion is as a 23 year old she ould not have been so naive about sex the first time, more than likely she would have at least fooled around a little
You wrote it so lovingly and sensually. One of the best.
You took what could've been a good story and ruined it by writing in present tense.