A Fool No More

I didn't tell her what I'd learned later; that was between Jeanie and me and I didn't want to do anything to damage Ashley's relationship with her mother. I continued, "When she wanted to get back together the first time, I didn't want to admit it to myself but I still loved her and so I accepted her with open arms.

"It's kind of like an old song--I think Percy Sledge sang it originally; I'd do anything to keep her, give up everything, despite all of the misery that she caused. A man loves a woman but when she can't, or maybe wont, love him back with all her heart, eventually he has to decide if he's a man or just her puppet. I got burned yet again when we got back together a few years ago after the divorce, Ashley, but it was to ashes this time. That was the final straw for me; I'm not your mother's play toy and there won't be another chance for her."

"I guess I can see that, but I hate that you two don't get along."

"We will when it comes to you, sweetheart. She'll always be your mother and I'll always treat her with the respect she deserves for that because I want the two of you to have a good relationship--despite what she tried to do to the two of us--but if she thinks she can have me at her beck and call...well, no. Not happening again. Ever."

We spent the next couple of hours talking, with Ashley catching me up on her life. She was between boyfriends at the moment, though she had her eye on a young man named Craig that she'd met recently. She was working as a bank teller with expectations of being promoted to a financial clerk and customer service position at her branch in the near future. With her college degree, she planned a management career path and hoped to be promoted to the regional office within two or three years and an assistant branch manager position sometime after that.

"I'm so happy things are going well for you, sweetheart, but remember, I'm always here for you if you need me, any time, day or night."

"Thanks, Daddy. I love you," she said, giving me a hug.

I returned her hug and then gave her a spare key to my little house. "You're always welcome here, too, Ashley."

Then I remembered one other thing. "Say, have you called Brooke Woodsen? She's been asking about you."

She blushed. "I got your message about Brooke a while back but I was embarrassed that I hadn't written to her in so long. You said she's been asking about me; have you seen her again?"

"Yeah, her parents are still out in California so we're friends," I said. "When her sister's fiancé couldn't go, ah, wouldn't go," I laughed, "to a Halloween party with them last week, I filled in as their 'prop' when they made their big entry."

I pulled out my phone and showed them a picture Brooke had sent me; it wasn't posed since someone else took it, but it showed Brianna and Brooke in their costumes and me just behind, unrecognizable, in the Scooby suit. She laughed out loud.

"That's hilarious! You've got to send me that picture! I want to put it on my Myspace page."

Moments later, it popped up on her phone and she looked at it, smiling. "Was that as uncomfortable as it looks?"

"Probably even more. I stayed at the party for maybe five minutes to help them establish the scene before I escaped out the back--they had guys swarming around them by then so they didn't need me anymore. Oh, and I had to get a police officer to help me get out of it."

She thought I was joking about the last part but laughed when I assured her it was true.

"They couldn't get a taxi when the party was over, so they called me and I picked them up and took them home."

"Oh, Daddy, you're so sweet!" she said, giving me another hug as we moved toward the front door.

I took the compliment with a smile, avoiding any mention of all the issues that had been swirling in my head. We walked to her car and shared one more hug before I kissed her forehead.

I was smiling as she left. After several years of alienation, I finally had my daughter back in my life and I loved her more than anything in the world.

***

The call from Jeanie came just days before Thanksgiving 2006.

"Jared, would you like to join us for Thanksgiving dinner? It would be like we were a family again. My parents and my sister and her family will be there, too, plus Ashley...and you?"

"Jeanie, I don't think that's a good idea for your relatives, for Ashley, for me, and especially not for you."

"Why? It would be fun, like old times."

"That's the problem, Jeanie, it would give that impression and you'd get excited about it, but it wouldn't be like old times at the dinner, after dinner, or any other time. Ever. The past is the past and you need to move on."

"But Jared, we could be a family again."

"We are a family, through Ashley, and I'll always love and respect your parents for our times together, the good times we had with them, how they always treated me well, even through the divorce, and most of all, for Ash, but we're not the family you might want. Those days and our love are over. You saw to that when you did what you did. Have a very happy Thanksgiving, Jeanie, and please give your family my best, but leave me out of it."

She was still objecting when I said goodbye and ended the call.

***

Ashley and I met on Thanksgiving morning and enjoyed some father-daughter time together and made a pie and some brownies that she planned to take to her grandparents' house for dinner and the inevitable drama with Jeanie. We talked at the kitchen table and shared warm brownies and a glass of milk while the pie cooked.

She told me more about her plan to get a new car the following spring or summer, more about her job at the bank, and about her social life. She'd gone on a date with Craig a few nights before and they were discussing another.

"And guess what? Brooke Woodsen and I got together for dinner the night after that. She's doing well and has her eye on some guy but she doesn't know if it's going to go anywhere."

I choked on a bite of brownie and coughed a couple of times to clear my throat before taking a big swig of milk. "That's good," I agreed, mostly hoping she was talking about someone else while feeling a pang of jealousy at the same time.

"She and her big sister went out to California to see their parents and their brother for Thanksgiving."

"Yeah, I heard about that."

She looked at me with a hint of suspicion. "You talked to her about the trip?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm taking care of Brooke's cat. He's in the bedroom since he tries to get out the front door every time it opens."

"A cat! I want to see!"

We played with Freidrick, Brooke's tawny tabby cat, for a while, with Ashley telling me about the new kitten she'd gotten just a few weeks earlier. On seeing that Freidrick was a particular fan of the red laser pointer, Ashley decided to get one for her little Tiggress, an orange and dark brown-striped tabby that looked a bit like Pooh Bear's friend, but like so many cats, Freidrick was only a fan of the device until the instant he wasn't. At that point, we became props in the background, much like me in the Scooby outfit with the girls at Halloween, and Freidrick ignored us completely.

"After seeing that, I don't know if Tiggress would want one or not," she laughed.

"They're cats," I explained, "they tolerate humans to a degree but we'll never really know what they're thinking or what they want beyond food, water, a clean litter box, and a good scratching post...or a couch. That's why most cat toys we buy sit on the floor or in the bag and never get played with." I pointed to Freidrick's toys that Brooke had left in the corner. "I've tried but he hasn't been interested in any of them."

As we left the room, I shut the door behind us to make sure he didn't try to get out to go exploring the neighborhood when Ashley left.

Back in the little kitchen, Ashley cut the rest of the brownies and put them in a harvest-themed container and left me several.

"Thanks, sweetheart. These will be greatly enjoyed this evening."

She looked at me under her brow, a chastising look that she'd long had down pat. "Uh, as rich as these are and as many calories as they have, it might ought to be for the next few evenings." She relaxed and laughed at my pretended sulk and we hugged. "Eat as many as you want, Daddy. With your running, you can afford to."

I helped her carry everything out to her car. "Ashley, give Luke and Janette," her grandparents, "my best wishes and my regrets."

"Oh, I think they understand, Daddy. You mentioned Grandpa talking about high maintenance. I've thought about it and can see that about Mom, so if I can, I'm sure Grandpa can, too."

Ashley kissed me and said, "I love you, Daddy," before she left for her grandparents' house. I stood in the driveway and watched her drive away, feeling a great sense of relief that we were close again, similar to when she was younger. I had my little girl--now a woman--back once more.

***

Brooke came over to pick up Freidrick on Monday evening after she and Brianna had returned from California late Sunday, and she told me all about their trip. We sat on my new couch that had recently replaced the old, used one, and she leaned against me, letting me put my arm around her. She turned her face toward me and said, "I missed you a lot and wished that you could have come with us."

I was about to tell her that I'd missed her, too, but she leaned up and kissed me, melting my thoughts into incoherency as it fueled my desire to the burning point. With all my lingering doubts dispelled, all my arguments as to why I shouldn't do it forgotten, I kissed her back with equal ferocity, and moments later we were lying side by side on the couch making out like teenagers.

It was, without a doubt, the most exciting thing I'd done in years and I had to shift to keep Brooke from feeling the result. I wasn't quite as successful as intended though; she pulled away, breaking for air, and reached down and ran her hand over the hardness in my pants.

"Hmm, does someone want to come out to play?" she whispered as she started to undo my belt.

Well, maybe not quite all of my doubts were gone. Similar to the excitement, it was the hardest thing I'd done in ages--well, except for my dick--but I put my hand on hers, staying her effort.

"Brooke, I'm sorry. I want you and want to keep going so much, but...I need more time before...before we take this any further."

She looked into my eyes, her beautiful pale green emeralds studying me intently for a few moments before she pulled her hand up and touched my cheek. "Okay, but is this..."

She kissed me again, her hand cupping my face as her tongue teased my lips. I responded in kind, my arms pulling her closer to me, my tongue swirling with her, as my rod got even harder. We were both breathing hard when we stopped and she concluded, "...okay?"

"Perfect," I whispered, "just like you."

We continued making out for a long while, somehow keeping our hands from ever straying below our clothes. When we came up for air once again sometime later, Brooke put a hand on my chest. "Jared, unless you want to change your mind, I think I should go because if I don't stop here, I'm afraid I won't be able to stop at all."

I saw her out, carrying Freidrick in the kitty carrier and the bag with his things while she brought out his little cat tree. Once they were in her car, we kissed one last time, long and lusciously, before I told her bye and watched her leave.

On the way back into the house, I was mentally kicking myself. I'd lied to Brooke when I told her I wasn't ready; in truth, it was all I could do to keep from ripping her clothes off and ravaging her right there on that couch, to keep from making love to her over and over. My reason wasn't that I wasn't ready, it was because I feared that she wasn't really ready, that she'd realize the mistake if we went so far so soon, and that our chance of being together would be lost as a result.

I stopped on the front porch and looked back down the street to see her car turning the corner in the distance when I realized that maybe I wasn't ready either, not because of my doubts about myself, but because of those on her behalf.

Time would tell I figured, but until then, I was going to spend as much time with Brooke as I could.

***

Ashley and I swapped messages almost daily and spoke a few times a week between Thanksgiving and Christmas and talked about everything except the one issue I didn't know how to broach, my growing relationship with Brooke. Not sure where it was going or where it would end up, I kept putting off telling her anything about it. Brooke was doing the same with her family except for Brianna, and wasn't giving her any details.

During the same period, Brooke and I got together several times a week, splitting our time between getting to know each other better and making out. The "no hands below clothes" rule remained in effect, but an occasional hand rubbing her covered breast or her pelvis sometimes pressing against my clothed erection was ignored beyond a knowing smirk or a happy grin.

One night as we concluded the makeout portion of our evening and Brooke prepared to head home, she asked, rather hesitantly, "Jared, do you ever wank off to me after I leave or after you're home?"

I'm not sure whether the embarrassment or the laughter got the better of me, but I laughed, red-faced, as I asked, "Wank? Brooke, are you secretly British or something?"

She frowned at me through her own curious smirk. "No, masturbate is too clinical and 'jack off' sounds so juvenile. I figured if you were doing it, it would be more high class than that, and what's more high class than the British? You know, with their royalty and peerage and all. So, do you?"

I laughed again before turning serious, telling myself all the while to be honest. "Brooke, I tried to resist the temptation, not wanting to do anything that might be considered inappropriate, but...what's the old saying, the mind is willing but the flesh is weak? Well, yeah, I gave up and now I 'wank' to you most every night."

Her look was completely serious before slowly becoming a grin that surprised me. "Thank God! Because I'd have felt really bad if I was the only one getting off." With a deep sultry voice, she added in my ear, "Yes, Jared, I really like sex."

Brooke had admitted to having been with a couple of guys during her freshman year of college and then gaining "a lot" of experience with David, her college boyfriend, so I shouldn't have been surprised, but her next sentence really surprised me. "When I leave, don't do anything. I'll call you in a little while when I get home and we'll do it together."

My mouth was open as I stared at her, not believing what she was suggesting. She cupped my jaw, pushing my mouth closed before kissing me. "Trust me. It'll be fun." She kissed me again, long and hard, and then headed to the door. "Remember, wait for me! Bye!"

I was hesitant to take this step, but when Brooke called about fifteen minutes later, I answered and we talked for a few minutes before she switched topics and purred, "Jared, are you anywhere as close to being as horny as I am?"

It was the do-or-die moment, the point where I had to decide to stop there and be friends or if I wanted more with her. After our recent actions and time together, the choice wasn't nearly as hard as I'd expected.

"I don't know, sweetheart. I suspect so, but just how horny are you?"

"Lie down on your bed, close your eyes and see me in them, and I'll tell you how horny I am while I'm doing the same as you." She moaned, long and low. "I wish that was because you were kissing me while pinching my nipples--but not too hard, though. I'd be on top, naked of course, with you holding my boobies and your dick right in the cleft of my pussy so I could slide up and down on it, rubbing my clit on it. Your dick's really hard isn't it, Jared? I can feel it, right?"

"As a rock, Brooke," I whispered. "Yeah, feel me, sweetheart."

"I am, Jared. I feel your dick on my clit as I rub over it. Do you feel my pussy sliding over your dick, your big thick cock? I know it's big; I've felt it through your pants when you were trying to twist away to hide it from me. It didn't work," she giggled. "Do you feel how wet I am as I slide over you? Say, do you have some lotion or something that will make it feel as wet as my pussy is sliding over you? Good. My pussy's really wet and it's making really short strokes right over the head of your dick. Just the front, okay? I'm just rubbing the front. Do you feel my clit rubbing over you?"

"God, yes, Brooke. My dick's rubbing you good, too, right?"

"Yes! Your frenulum and my clitoris, rubbing on each other. I'm doing circles on it now and I'm so wet. Do you need a little more lotion?"

"No, I think I'm good," I replied, rubbing with one finger like she'd said.

"Uhh, maybe, but do it anyway, okay? Put some lotion on your other hand while we keep rubbing each other. Ready?"

"Yeah, what's happening?"

"I reach back and pick up your dick, I'm lining it up on my pussy lips, and I'm sinking down on you. Use both hands, Jared, and go in me, but slow right now. I've got your dick in me--two fingers in as far as they'll go--and it feels good."

"Three, Brooke. I'm sliding my dick out of you now but I'm going to plunge back in now. Use three fingers because I'm as hard and big as I can be. Now!"

"Uhhnnnn!" she groaned as she did it. "Now pound my little pussy as hard as you can while I keep rubbing my clit. Fuck me, Jared! Fuck me!"

With both of us going fast and hard, it didn't take long. "Are you ready, Jared? I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come. Shoot your cum with me!"

She cried out and I released, too, shooting a big rope up my stomach. Several smaller ones followed before I relaxed. I heard a moan over the phone.

"Brooke, are you okay, sweetheart?"

"Mmm, I'm great, Jared," she whispered, "but I got too loud and Bri yelled at me to keep it down as I was coming. This was a lot of fun but I wish I was there with you rather than here."

"Me, too, Brooke. Me, too."

We said goodnight moments later and ended the call. As I lay on the bed, I wondered again if I was doing the right thing getting so involved with Brooke and where we were going with whatever it was that we had.

As much as each of us thought about it--and, yes, we discussed the concerns that each of us had--we didn't stop. In fact, we started having phone sex together two or three times a week, just the two of us sharing our sexual desires for each other with no visual aids. Unfortunately, while it was lots of fun, it didn't relieve the situation as we'd hoped and I wanted her more with each passing session. With the tension building, I even checked my nightstand to make sure I had plenty of condoms just in case it ever came to that point.

***

"Daddy, I'm going to New York for Christmas with Sue Chaney, one of the other tellers at the bank. You took care of Brooke's cat at Thanksgiving; can you take Tiggress for me at Christmas?"

"Sure, that's easy enough. I'll be glad to."

There was a pause on the line. "And can you take us to the airport and pick us up when we come home, too?"

I laughed and agreed, but it saddened me that I'd be alone for Christmas instead of spending time with my girl. Ashley gave me the details which I recorded for my calendar and then we said goodnight. I told Brooke about it when we got together later that evening.

"Jared, you don't have to be alone for Christmas. We went to see my parents over Thanksgiving and Brianna and Phil are going on a Caribbean cruise together over Christmas so I'm going to be home alone with Freidrick...unless...unless someone invites me to stay over with them?"

I could barely control my grin at her obvious attempt at fishing for an invitation. "Hmm, I'll have to think about whether I can come up with any recommendations for you on that," I said, immediately catching her hand coming in as a playful punch. I brought it to my lips and kissed her knuckles.